I thought about picking a different topic, but I know "me" best!
Understanding Engineers
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Then there was the model who drank some varnish--she died horribly but it was a beautiful finish...
And the butcher who backed into his meat grinder and got a little behind in his orders...
Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent..
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
A dyslexic man walked into a bra.
A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
"Doc, I can't stop singing The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"Well, It's Not Unusual."
Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true; no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day, but I couldn't find any.
I went to a seafood disco last week .... and pulled a mussel.
What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse.
"But why," they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said. "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption .. One of them goes to a family in Egypt , and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan'
Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) ... a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,
one of the largest department store chains in the world.
He shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter
and said. "I'd like to buy a bra for my wife"
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man "There is more than one type?"
"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she
showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.
"Actually, even with all of this variety,
there are really only three types of bras," replied
the salesclerk. Confused, the man asked what were the types.
The saleslady replied "The Catholic type,
the Salvation Army type, and the Baptist type.
Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked, "What is the difference
between them?" The lady responded "It is all really
quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses,
the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen,
and the Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.
13 INTERESTING QUOTES
1. I’m glad to see you’re not letting your education get in the way of your ignorance.
2. I know you’re nobody’s fool, but maybe someone will adopt you one day.
3. History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives.
4. A man is as young as the woman he feels.
5. Marriage is the leading cause of divorce.
6. The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced.
7. The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.
8. Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go.
9. If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?
10. Stay with me; I want to be alone
11. Absence makes the heart want to fondle other people.
12. 100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
13. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.
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