This could be bad- for us. Fleecebook's Zuck is in talks to partner with Netflix. This could mean that only films that we "Like" will be offered to our "Friends"....
He told Maria that their housekeeper wanted a raise.
Maria said, "Screw her." Any simple-minded, semi-literate
Austrian could have made the same mistake, right?
QUESTION:
"Where do the characters go when I use my backspace or delete them on my PC?"
ANSWER:
The characters go to different places, depending on whom you ask:
The Catholic Church's approach to characters: The nice characters
go to Heaven, where they are bathed in the light of happiness.
The naughty characters are punished for their sins. Naughty
characters are those involved in the creation of naughty words,
such as "breast", "sex", and "contraception".
Some Protestant sects believe that the characters' destinations
are predestined; and that it's therefore not worth worrying
about--- they'll go where they're supposed to go, according to
the unknowable plans of the OEM.
The Buddhist explanation: If a character has lived rightly, and
its karma is good, then after it has been deleted it will be
reincarnated as a different, higher character. Those funny
characters above the numbers on your keyboard will become
numbers, numbers will become letters, and lower case letters will
become upper case.
The 20th-century bitter cynical nihilist explanation: Who cares?
It doesn't really matter if they're on the page, deleted,
undeleted, underlined, etc. It's all the same.
The Mac user's explanation: All the characters written on a PC
and then deleted go to straight to PC hell. If you're using a PC,
you can probably see the deleted characters, because you're in PC
hell also.
Stephen King's explanation: Every time you hit the (Del) key you
unleash a tiny monster inside the cursor, who tears the poor
unsuspecting characters to shreds, drinks their blood, then eats
them, bones and all. Hah, hah, hah!
IBM's explanation: The characters are not real. They exist only
on the screen when they are needed, as concepts, so to delete
them is merely to de-conceptualize them. Get a life.
PETA's (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals) explanation:
You've been DELETING them??? Can't you hear them SCREAMING??? Why
don't you go CLUB some BABY SEALS while wearing a MINK, you
pig!!!!
The Green Thing..............
In the line at the store, the cashier told the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bag because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized to him and explained,
"We didn't have the green thing back in my day."
The clerk responded, "That's our problem today. The former generation did not care enough to save our environment."
He was right, that generation didn't have the green thing in its day. Back then, they returned their milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled.
But they didn't have the green thing back in that customer's day. In her day, they walked up stairs, because they didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. They walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time they had to go two blocks.
But she was right. They didn't have the green thing in her day. Back then, they washed the baby's diapers because they didn't have the throw-away kind. They dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts - wind and solar power really did dry the clothes. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing.
But that old lady is right, they didn't have the green thing back in her day. Back then, they had one TV, or radio, in the house - not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief, not a screen the size of the state of Montana. In the kitchen, they blended and stirred by hand because they didn't have electric machines to do everything for you. When they packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, they used a wadded up old newspaper to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap.
Back then, they didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. They used a push mower that ran on human power. They exercised by working so they didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity.
But she's right, they didn't have the green thing back then. They drank from a fountain when they were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time they had a drink of water. They refilled their writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and they replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull.
But they didn't have the green thing back then. Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or rode the school bus instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. They had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And they didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint.
But isn't it sad that the current generation laments how wasteful the old folks were just because they didn't have the green thing back then?
Grandma’s 100th Birthday Party
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn’t speak very well, but she could write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.
A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.When she started leaning forward, the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A grandson, who arrived late, came up to Grandma and said, “Hi, Grandma, you’re looking good! How are they treating you?”
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew…
“They won’t let me fart.”
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