Seems as though MANY companies are updating their logos (not just Starbucks). They must have either raised their prices or shrunk their products.
Is the Woodie dead ? No car manufacturers make cars with wood on the sides or even simulated wood on the sides anymore. Why were we attracted to that combination, and why aren't we anymore ?
Why are all these bird and fish dying all over the world ? It this a biblical performance or is there a reasonable scientific explanation ? Also, why is it that mostly one variety of bird is dying, and one variety of fish? Has there been a chemical poison release ? Has there been a genetic experiment that went awry ? Is this a sign from alien visitors of their power ?
A Southern Baptist was seated next to an Irishman on a flight from London.... After the plane was airborne, drink orders
were taken. The Irishman asked for a whiskey, which was promptly brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the Southern Baptist if he would like a drink. He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips."The Irishman then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me, too, I didn't know we had a choice."
A fellow has a week off and decides to play a round of golf every
day. First thing Monday morning, he sets off on his first round
and soon catches up to the person in front. He sees that it's a
woman and, as he catches up to her on a par 3, that she's very
attractive. He's interested and suggests that they play the rest
of the round together. She agrees and a very close match ensues.
She turns out to be a very talented golfer and she wins their
little competition on the last hole. He congratulates her in the
parking lot then offers to give her a lift when he sees she
doesn't have a car. All in all it's been a highly enjoyable
morning.
On the way to her place, she thanks him for the morning's company
and competition and says she hasn't enjoyed herself so much on
the course for a long time. "In fact.", she says. "I'd like you
to pull over so I can show you how much I appreciated
everything.". He pulls over and she gives him the best kiss he's
ever had.
The next morning he spies her at the first tee and suggests they
play together again. He's actually quite competitive and slightly
peeved that she beat him the previous day. Again they have a
magnificent day, enjoying each others company and playing a
tight, competitive round of golf. Again she pips him at the last,
again he drives her home, and again she shows her appreciation.
This goes on all week, with her beating him narrowly every day.
This is a sore point for his male ego but, nevertheless, in the
car home from their Friday afternoon round, he tells her that he
has had such a fine week that he has a surprise planned. Dinner
for two at a fancy candle-lit restaurant followed by a night of
passion in the penthouse apartment of a posh hotel.
Surprisingly, she bursts into tears and says she can't agree to
this. He can't work out what the fuss is about, but eventually
she admits the reason.
"You see," she tearfully sobs. "I'm a transvestite."
He is aghast. He swerves violently off the road, pulls the car to
a screeching halt and curses madly, overcome with emotion.
"I'm sorry." she repeats.
"You bastard!" he screams, red in the face, "You cheating
bastard. You've been playing off the red tees all week!!!"
How to be a good liberal
1. You have to believe the AIDS virus is spread by a lack of federal funding.
2. You have to believe that the same teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is somehow qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans are more of a threat, than U.S. nuclear weapons technology in the hands of Chinese communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the earth's climate, and more affected by yuppies driving SUVs.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to be against capital punishment but support abortion on demand.
8. You have to believe that businesses create oppression and governments create prosperity.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature, but loony activists who've never been outside of Seattle do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe the military, not corrupt politicians, start wars.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it supports certain parts of the Constitution, while the ACLU is good because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that taxes are too low, but ATM fees are too high.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem are more important to American history than Thomas Jefferson, General Robert E. Lee, or Thomas Edison.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
16. You have to believe that the only reason socialism hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried, is because the right people haven't been in charge.
17. You have to believe that homosexual parades displaying drag, transvestites, and bestiality should be constitutionally protected and manger scenes at Christmas should be illegal.
As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a graveside service for a homeless man, with no family or friends, who had died while traveling through the area. The funeral was to be held at a new cemetery way back in the country, and this man would be the first to be laid to rest there.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being a typical man, I did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the crew, eating lunch, but the hearse was nowhere in sight. I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured the workers I would not hold them long, but this was the proper thing to do.
The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I poured out my heart and soul. As I preached, the workers began to say “Amen,” “Praise the Lord,” and “Glory.” I preached and I preached, like I’d never preached before: from Genesis all the way to Revelations.
I closed the lengthy service with a prayer and walked to my car. I felt I had done my duty for the homeless man and that the crew would leave with a renewed sense of purpose and dedication, in spite of my tardiness.
As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the workers saying to another, “I ain’t never seen anything like that before...and I’ve been puttin’ in septic tanks for more’n 20 years.”
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