Economic recovery? Where? I must have missed it....
Now that China has bought up a bunch of Europe's debt to bolster the Euro; how do we all feel that they are going to own so much of the world ? In today's paper, it says that China now has a stealth fighter (although the picture makes it look much more like a bomber). Who are they trying to hide from? After all, they are the landlords!
Save us from Rudy, please! We need NEW blood in DC, not the same0-same0...
Give me a break, pullease! The last thing I want to do is flood the internet with tweet messages from my appliances. Why would my neighbor want to read that my clothes are dry...or my icemaker has filled the receptacle... or my fridge is defrosting now? We are ALREADY running out of bandwidth. Giving appliances a means to create additional clogs is ludicrous! If it is so important to know when my clothes are done washing on my smart phone, why not expend the effort to allow my washer to dry them, so I don't have to move the clothes. Or have my fridge create me a shopping list of the items I have emptied and then order those items from the market and have them automatically delivered. How lazy should I allow myself to get ? It won't be long before we all look like the people in Wall-E!!!
The pastor asked if anyone in the congregation would like to express praise for answered prayers. Suzie Smith stood and walked to the podium. She said, "I have a praise. Two months ago, my husband, Tom, had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed. The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him." You could hear a muffled gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagine the pain that poor Tom must have experienced. "Tom was unable to hold me or the children," she went on, "and every move caused him terrible pain." We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation, and it turned out they were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Tom's scrotum, and wrap wire around it to hold it in place." Again, the men in the congregation cringed and squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery
performed on Tom. "Now," she announced in a quivering voice, "thank the Lord, Tom is out of the hospital and the doctors say that with time, his scrotum should recover completely." All the men sighed with unified relief. The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had something to say.
A man stood up and walked slowly to the podium. He said, "I'm Tom Smith." The entire congregation held its breath. "I just want to tell my wife the word is sternum.
Once upon a time there dwelt, in Fairy Land, a particularly
beauteous young man. He was kind of heart and fair of face and
form. But, woe and dismay, he also felt accursed, because he had,
protruding from his navel, a silver screw.
Verily he could conceal it by adjustment of doublet and hose, yet
it did sorely trouble him. So that each day he would go into the
deep dark woods and sit in a glade, staring sadly at the silver
screw.
Then one day an old crone came through the woods carrying a
bundle of firewood. The kindly youth adjusted his clothing to
conceal his shame and said to her, 'Old crone, that bundle is too
heavy for you to carry. Let me lift thy burden.'
The crone was grateful and took him through the woods to her
gingerbread cottage where she revealed that she was, in fact, a
witch. 'But you have been so kind to me that I will grant you a
wish.'
The youth didn't need to consider the wish for a moment. 'Please,
please, rid me of this silver screw in my navel.'
The crone bade him go to a distant mountain and to climb to a
rocky ledge. There he was to exhort the heavens using a magic
spell that she provided. The youth followed her instructions and,
struggling through the cruel and stinging woods, came to the
ledge. There he began to exhort the heavens, using the crone's
magic spell.
Suddenly, the blue skies vanished and dark somber clouds
appeared. A great wind sprang up and he heard a sound like angels
singing. And from the black clouds came a great shaft of light
that focused on him. And down that shaft of light came a giant
golden screwdriver.
As the singing reached a crescendo, the screwdriver reached the
silver screw, fitting into the groove on its head. The giant
golden screwdriver turned once, twice, thrice, then retreated up
the shaft of light which, in turn, disappeared. As did the dark
boiling clouds and celestial chorus.
The young man looked down at the silver screw and tentatively
touched it with trembling fingers. Yes, it was loose! So he
turned the screw once, twice, thrice! And his bum fell off.
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