Just Short of a Singularity

We attended an Arts & Lectures presentation last nigh at Campbell Hall on UCSB campus.  A visionary computer scientist, Jaron Lanier, was speaking.  Once you get past his appearance (i.e. he looks and dresses like a homeless person), and he speaks, you begin to realize how intelligent this guy is.  He is the one that coined the phrase "virtual reality" and introduced it to Hollywood and the video game industry.  Not since I attended a talk by Admiral Grace Hopper, have I been so impressed.  He claims that the true development of computer sciences should be based on the cognitive abilities of the human brain, and until we fully understand how it works, we won't have reached the "singularity".  The Singularity is when computer science reached the pinnacle of creating sentience in a computer.  At that point, as in the movies, they will probably attempt to take over, and no longer needed human, they will eradicate them.  Of course, we REALLY want to reach just below that point and no further.  He also spoke of the cultural shifts that online social networks will cause.  He urged that we all give up online social networking for a year, and we would realize that we we would need it, and that our obsession with being CONNECTED all the time was using up too much of our energies drained from our creative endeavors.  His talk was definitely an eye opener.  (Also checkout his web page: http://www.jaronlanier.com/index.html).

I've mentioned a few times since the gubernatorial election that Meg Whitman's name hasn't been in the news.  Wait no more.  With a board shakeup at HP, we see that she will join the board.  This doesn't mean that she has given up on politics, or that she has run out of money and needs to go back to work.  I think it is important to HP to have renown members on their board. Hopefully, she will NOT become the chairman...

A blonde and brunette were watching the 11 o'clock news. The news was about a man about ready to jump off a bridge.

The brunette turns to the blonde and says, "I bet you $50 the man is going to jump."

The blonde replies, "Okay you're on."

Sure enough, the man jumps, and the blonde gives the brunette $50.

The brunette says, "Listen, I can't accept this money. I watched the 5 o'clock news and saw the man jump then."

"No, you have to take it," says the blonde. "I watched the 5 o'clock news too, but I didn't think he would do it again."

The Stimulus Plan
Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House.  One is from Chicago , another is from Tennessee , and the third is from Minnesota . All three go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Minnesota contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well," he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring,  then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Chicago contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Chicago contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the stimulus plan works.

Morris the matchmaker approached a single woman and told her he had a husband for her.

"I'm ashamed to bring this up," he said, "but the man wants to be sure you are compatible in bed. He wants," he says, "a sample."

The woman was shocked. "Such a thing you ask a virtuous woman? Such a crude person would suggest such a thing? He must be a barnyard animal, not a gentleman. "

The matchmaker, trying to earn a fee, Morris said, "He's a business man. He buys goods in the market and he sells goods. By him, it's not a big deal... a sample."

She thought a minute. "He's a business man? So tell him I don't give samples. If he wants, I can give him 50 or 60 references."

Charlie's wife, Lucy, had been after him for several weeks to paint the seat on their toilet.
Finally, he got around to doing it while Lucy was out. After finishing, he left to take care of another matter before she returned.

She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realized that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat.
About that time, Charlie got home and realized her predicament.They both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever.  Finally, in desperation, Charlie undid the toilet seat bolts. Lucy wrapped a sheet around herself and Charlie drove her to the hospital emergency room.

The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.).

Lucy tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying, "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before."

The Doctor replied, "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed."