When the Federal gubmint decides to replace cars in the motor pool, do they buy from the lowest bidder (like Hyundai)- or do they get cars from their own company, GM ?
A woman desperately looking for work applies for a job at a toy factory. The personnel manager goes over her resume and explains that he really has nothing worthy of her qualifications. The
woman says that she really needs work and will take almost anything.
The personnel manager thinks for a moment and then says he does have a job that the woman can have but the pay isn't much and the job is boring, the woman happily accepts the job. He takes her down to the production line, explains her duties and tells her to start at 8:00 the next day.
The next morning at 8:45 there's a knock at the personnel manager's door. The "Tickle-Me-Elmo" line foreman comes in all upset about the new woman on the line. After the foreman rants
and raves for a few minutes about how backed up the assembly line is, the personnel manager agrees to go down to the floor and see for himself.
They head down together and, sure enough, Elmos are backed up from one end of the line to the other. Right at the end of the line is the new employee. She has a roll of the material used for the Elmos and a big bag of marbles in front of her. The two managers watch as she cuts a little piece of fabric from the bolt, wraps two marbles in the fabric, and sews it between Elmo's legs.
After a few minutes of uncontrolled laughter, he walks over to the employee and says "I'm sorry. I guess you misunderstood me yesterday. What I wanted you to do was give each Elmo two TEST TICKLES !!
A little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, and Santa asked his usual question of her: "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute and then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
Walkin in a Doggie Wonderland
Dog tags ring, are you listenin'?
In the lane, snow is glistenin'.
It's yellow, NOT white I've been there tonight,
Marking up my winter wonderland.
Smell that tree? That's my fragrance.
It's a sign for wandering vagrants;
"Avoid where I pee, it's MY pro-per-ty!
Marked up as my winter wonderland."
In the meadow dad will build a snowman,
following the classical design.
Then I'll lift my leg and let it go Man,
So all the world will know that it's mine-mine-mine!
Straight from me to the fence post,
flows my natural incense boast;
"Stay off my TURF, this small piece of earth,
I marked it as my winter wonderland."
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