Picoftheweek

Picoftheweek
Waaaaaaaay too many to count...

My Statement

"Let me emphatically say that I am not anti-Facebook (Fleecebook), anti-smart phone, anti-Microsoft, anti-Apple, anti-Google or anti-Internet. I do believe, though, that the consumer is being ripped off of his privacy, identity and purchase history. We are being herded into a Facebook corner where what we "Like" and where we go physically and on the net will be scrutinized and sold numerous times to actually corrode and erode our culture while tempting us only with convenience, high tech and flashing video screens. The unsuspecting consumers need to be aware..." - Gary Lapman

Quote of Note

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”-W.C. Fields

"For the strength of the Wolf is in the Pack, and the strength of the Pack is in the Wolf." - Rudyard Kipling

"Common sense is not so common. " -Voltaire

“Fame is vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, but only character endures.” - Matthew McConaughey

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him"

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason" - Jerry Seinfeld

"Fleecebook is free, you (and your identity) is the product!" - Gary Lapman


"Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves." - Eric Sevareid

"'Smart' phones are only smart for the cell phone providers!" - Gary Lapman

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.” -Albert Einstein

"Technology creates the illusion of companionship without the intimacy of friendship." - unknown

"No worry, there's an app for that..." - Gary Lapman

Monday, November 15, 2010

No way to start a week....

An UNBELIEVABLE morning today:


I get up as usual: make coffee and let Max out do to his binness.  I came back to the bathroom and planning to shave, I turned on the faucet while I gathered the clothes I was planning to wear this morning.  After five minutes, the water was not getting hot.  I decided to check the tank in the garage to see if it leaked all over the floor or whether it was doing as much as it could.  The tank appeared normal- no leaks and the gas burner was going.  I came back to the bathroom and by then, my wife got up and I explained the predicament, but she decided on a cold-is-better-then-none shower.  Luckily, I had showered last evening.  Meanwhile, I made breakfast, fed the cat and was deciding which plumber I was going to call when It got late enough.  

So if you had been following this blog for a while, you know that my 28 year old son, Everett,  had graduated college and found job-hunting impossible in Oakland, where he was living, so he move back home to search here and in Los Angeles.  He has two part-time jobs, one at KJEE radio station as an engineer, and another at Fresco (a restaurant).  His hours span from 5:00 in the morning to as late as ten at night.  It is not unusual to find him sleeping in the middle of the day and then going out partying in the early evening.  He, as most young people, is a slave to his cell phone and Facebook to plan his evenings.  Last night, he went out to a show at Earl Warren Showgrounds and came home after we went to bed.

So returning to calling the plumber.  My wife called the neighbor, who just recently had work done on his plumbing, for a recommendation.  We got the number, and I called.  Meanwhile,  Everett stumbled into the kitchen and I expected to hear him say what happened to the hot water.  What he said instead turned over the the whole mornings' events:  "Any idea why my shower is on ?".  Apparently, he must have turned the shower on when he was getting ready to go to the show last night OR stumbled out of bed at four o'clock, thinking he was going to the station, but then realizing that he didn't today- went back to bed (after turning on the shower).  The shower had run unattended and drained all of the hot water from our solar panels and tank, so all we got was cold.  He must have been so tired or drunk that he didn't notice that it was on when he came home OR forgot that he turned it on early this morning.  His room and consequently, the adjoining bathroom, is way on the other side of the house and we couldn't hear it.  Our house is only nine years old, so water pressure is not an issue either.  Nobody noticed that it was on until Everett dragged himself out of bed and made his exclamation.


I am now waiting another half an hour to be sure the well drained water heater and solar panels are still working before I call the plumber back to tell him not to come, and probably relay this embarrassing story.





The Zen of Sarcasm:
(1)  Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.  Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either.  Just pretty much leave me alone.

(2)   It's  always darkest before  dawn.  So  if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

(3)  Don't be irreplaceable.  If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

(4)  Always remember that you're unique.  Just like everyone else.

(5)  Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

(6)  If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

(7)   Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.  That way, when  you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

(8)   If at first  you don't succeed, skydiving is probably not for  you.

(9)   Give a man a  fish and he will eat for a day.  Teach him how to fish, and he will sit  in a boat and drink beer all day.

(10)   If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably a wise investment.

(11)   If you tell  the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

(12)    Some days  you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.

(13)   Everyone  seems normal until you get to know them.

(14)   The quickest  way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

(15)   A closed mouth gathers no foot.

(16)   There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

(17)   Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

(18)   Experience  is something you don't get until just after you need it.

(19)   Never miss a good chance to shut up.

(20)   Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a
laxative on the same night.








A farmer was selling his peaches door to door. He knocked on a door and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a very sheer negligee answered the door. He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she unbuttoned the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.

She asked , "Why on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soy beans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches." 




Alcohol does not make me do stupid shit. It makes me get caught.


1 comment:

  1. My body has decided to revert back to it's child-like behavior and sleepwalk again. Yes I was out until 1 in the morning, But I had only 1 beer at about 630. I used to sleepwalk a lot as a child. It stopped for a long time. But it the past year I have had 2 episodes. I really hope this doesn't get more frequent.

    ReplyDelete