It's Only Monday ?

We watched the latest Karate Kid last night.  It was actually better than I expected it would be.  Believable, maybe not.  It was a good entry movie for Jaden Smith and a somewhat serious role for Jackie Chan, which he played pretty well.  I'm not sure which one I liked better, but to a new generation of kids, there is only the latest one.

Today was like three or four Mondays.  It was awesome.  It got to the point that I was reluctant to return to my office because the phone kept ringing.  In honor of all the people that got laid off, I am NOT complaining, just ragging a bit.

Well it looks like the World Series is set, Rangers vs Giants. I hope someone, somewhere is interested.  I guess it bothers me that grown men get to play a game shot up with drugs making boo- koo bucks AND they still charge a fortune to go to a game.  Even a hot-dog is $7.50 and up, depending where and what condiments.  I know somebody has to pay in order for the owner to pay the exorbitant salaries so that grown men can play a game, but it is just ridiculous.  SF vs Texas doesn't even strike me as an expected and natural kind of rivalry.

1. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Indubitably
Innovative
Preliminary
Proliferation
Cinnamon

2. THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Specificity
British Constitution
Passive-aggressive disorder
Loquacious Transubstantiate

3. THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU'RE DRUNK:

Thanks, but I don't want to have sex
Nope, no more booze for me
Sorry, but you're not really my type
Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight
Oh, I just couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing!

Answering Machine Recording:

"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 now.......Now press the other one." 

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very
upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

Wife asks: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'
Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I wan da increase.
The first is dat I iron better dan jou.'
Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husben say so.'
Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is dat I am better cook dan jou.'
Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me?'
Maria: 'Jor husbend did.'
Wife: 'Oh..'

Maria: 'The tird reason is dat I am better at sex dan jou in bed.'
Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?'
Maria: 'No Señora...dah gardener did.'

Wife: 'So how much do you want?'

Two nuns are riding their bicycles back to the convent and decide to take a shortcut through an alley in the old part of town.
The first nun says "Wow, I've never come this way before."
The second nun replies, "Must be the cobblestones."  

A man with two golf balls in his pocket sits beside a blond, as she stares at his crotch he says, golf balls. Blond replies.......... does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating
10. You get winded from knocking on the door.

9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.

8. You ask for high fiber candy only.

7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.

6. People say, "Great Keith Richards mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.

5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.

4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.

3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.

2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.

1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.