Will I keep playing ? .....Probably....
WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (The actual AP headline)
Linda Burnett, 23, was visiting her in-laws, and while there went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries. Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed, with both hands behind the back of her head.
One customer who had been at the store for a while became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed that Linda's eyes were now open, and she looked very strange. He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she'd been shot in the back of the head, and had been holding her brains in for over an hour.
The man called the paramedics, who broke into the car because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove her hands from her head. When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad of bread dough on the back of her head.
A Pillsbury biscuit canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her in the back of her head. When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially passed out, but quickly recovered and tried to hold her brains in for over an hour until someone noticed and came to her aid.
And, yes, Linda is a blonde.
In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old.
A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"
A 97 year old man goes for a physical. All of his tests come back with normal results.
The doctor says, "George, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you at peace with God?"
George replies, "God and I are tight. He knows I have poor eyesight, so he's fixed it so when I get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, poof! The light goes on.When I'm done, poof! The light goes off."
"Wow, that's incredible," the doctor says.
A little later in the day, the doctor calls George's wife. "Ethel," he says,
"George is doing fine!But I had to call you because I'm in awe of his relationship with God.
Is it true that he gets up during the night, and poof! the light goes on in the bathroom, and when he's done, poof! the light goes off?"
"Oh, lord, exclaims Ethel. "He's pissin' in the refrigerator again!"
What the....
This country boy is passing by his neighbour's hay shed one day when through a gap in the door he sees his pal doing a slow and sensual striptease in front of an old red Massey Ferguson.
Buttocks clenched, he performs a slow pirouette and gently slides off first the right Wellington boot, followed by the left.
He then hunches his shoulders forward and in a classic striptease move lets his braces fall down from his shoulders to dangle by his hips over his corduroy trousers.
Grabbing both sides of his checked shirt, he rips it apart to reveal his tea stained vest underneath and with a final flourish he hurls his flat cap onto a pile of hay.
"What the heck are you doing" asks the country boy?
"Geez, you gave me a fright there ", says his obviously embarrassed pal, "but me and the missus been having some trouble lately in the bedroom department, and the therapist suggested I do something sexy to a tractor".
Boom! Boom!
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