Monday Blues...

I didn't want to get up this morning, and by later on, I was almost sorry I did.
 
FLASH: I just heard that Joran van der Sloot's father recently passed away from a heart attack.  Not that I feel sorry for Joren in any fashion whatsoever, but now he has absolutely nobody in his corner.  


An unusual day today, as it is very slow going.  Requirements are not ready or adequate to keep working in the direction we have been.  It will be tough to keep busy today, and possibly until Wednesday....

FLASH 2: A funeral home in South Carolina has been shut down after admitting that they cut the legs off of a 6' 7" man so that he would fit into his casket. The funeral home said, "In our defense, we tried it first with holes cut for the feet to stick out, but that just looked ridiculous".

FLASH 3: According to Peru's Environment Ministry, over 12 million cubic meters of raw sewage are dumped into Lake Titicaca every year. When asked about it, America's junior high school students all agreed that they when they first heard of this place, they had always hoped that the lake was full of titties... 

FLASH 4: Something in the economy has to break loose (besides the gusher in the Gulf).  I just heard today that because we haven't been building new homes, and many of the foreclosed ones have been torn down, we very-well could be facing a housing shortage in the near future.  What that means (thank goodness) is that existing homes should go up in value!

Hoo ray...

Abe, an old Jewish man, was dying.
On his deathbed, he looked up and said,
"Is my wife here?"
His wife replies: "Yes, dear, I'm here, next to you.."
So Abe asks, "Are my children here?"
"Yes, daddy, we're all here," say the children.
Abe inquires, "Are my other relatives also here?"
And they say, "Yes, we are all here..."
So Abe sits up and yells,
"THEN WHY IS THE LIGHT ON IN THE KITCHEN?!?"

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any!"

As an elderly lady sat on her front porch reflecting on her long life, a Fairy Godmother suddenly appeared and offered to fulfill three wishes for her.

"Well," said the woman, "I guess I'd like to be rich."
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned her rocking chair into solid gold.

"And I wouldn't mind being a young and beautiful princess."
POOF: The Fairy Godmother turned the old woman into an exquisite young princess, with a priceless crown of jewels.

"Your third wish?" asked the Fairy Godmother. "Could you possibly turn my wonderful dog into a handsome prince?"
POOF: There, in front stood the most handsome young man anyone had ever seen. She stared at him in awe, completely smitten.

As he came toward her, her knees weakened. He bent down, brushing his lips across her ear as he whispered, "I bet you are sorry you had me neutered."

A guy was looking at the classified ads in Florida and saw an ad that says “Talking Dog $20.” So he goes to the house listed in the ad and asks the owner what the deal was with the talking dog.  The owner said he was in the back bedroom.   Sitting on a bed with a tv remote in hand, the dog looks up and says, “Hey, how you doing?”
The guy is flabbergasted, “You’re really a talking dog! What heck are you doing here in Florida?”
“Well,” the dog says, “let me tell you.”
“I was at Ground Zero on 9/11 and helped save people who were buried in the debris. Then I was in the Gulf War for a while bringing medicine to injured soldiers. Then I helped sniff for terrorist bombs at the JFK. Then I was on Broadway in Riverdance. Then I helped patrol the border and sniff out drug runners before my partner got shot. It all just got to be too much.  So I retired down here.”
The guy goes out into the other room and says, “This is amazing. How can you sell a dog like that for only twenty dollars?”
The owner replies loud enough for the dog in the other room to hear, “Cause he’s a BIG LIAR!”