February lost....

I have a confession to make: I have always wanted to to be a cowboy.  Those that know me well probably wouldn't think that that is much of a stretch.  My desired alter ego is well justified, but only when you consider all the parts, does the cowboy personification make sense.  I have always sought the simpler life where I could be in awe of the beauty and ways of nature, without being hung up on the laws of man.  Who wants to dream of bills, taxes, traffic, smog, et cetera? That's what we already have. How about a place and time where all one had to worry about was a dry bed,  a full stomach and the majestic beauty of the night sky.  Your horse depends on you and you on him, and he has the best ear for listening without criticism. Living the "Cowboy Way" meant that your next best friend was whoever was ready to risk life and limb to help you in your justified pursuits, without a second thought.  Doing things because they are right in "God's eye", and not because someone on Earth said so. To live in that era would be amazing, but of course, utter fantasy.  There would always be a villain to attempt to ruin it for all.  Maybe this only exists in the movies. I don't know. The cowboy life was very hard and poorly rewarded, but for the clarity of mind released from the shackles of responsibility.

Wow, what a boatload for so early on a Sunday morning....
 

 

A Taste of Cowboy Wisdom

• Don't squat with your spurs on.
• Never approach a bull from the front, a horse from the rear, or a fool from any direction.
• Don't judge people by their relatives.
• Behind every successful rancher is a wife who works in town.
• When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
• Talk slowly, think quickly.
• Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
• Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.
• Don't interfere with something that ain't botherin' you none.
• Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
• It's better to be a has-been that a never-was.
• The easiest way to eat crow is while it's still warm.
  The colder it gets, the harder it is to swaller.
• If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.
• If it don't seem like it's worth the effort, it probably ain't.
• It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
• Sometimes you get and sometimes you get got.
• The biggest troublemaker you'll probably ever have to deal with watches you shave his face in the mirror every morning.
• Never ask a barber if you need a haircut.
• If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.
• Don't worry about bitin' off more'n you can chew; your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.
• Always drink upstream from the herd.
• Generally, you ain't learnin' nothing when your mouth's a-jawin'.
• Tellin' a man to git lost and makin' himdo it are two entirely different propositions.
• If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there with ya.
• Good judgment comes from experience, and a lotta that comes from bad judgment.
• When you give a personal lesson in meanness to a critter or to a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.
• When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
• Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier than puttin' it back.
• Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's sure crucial to know what it was.
• The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back into your pocket.
• You can't tell how good a man or a watermelon is 'til they get thumped.(Character shows up best when tested.)
• Never miss a good chance to shut up.
• If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen are defrocked, shouldn't it follow that cowboys would be deranged?
• There never was a horse that couldn't be rode; Never was a cowboy who couldn't be throwed.

Yesterday I was at the store buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Max, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant??

So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry? The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's rear and a car hit us both.