Change

He promised us change.  The change that POTUS gave us was that he would ask Congress to validate his cause and grant him permission to attack another country.  Bush wouldn't (and didn't) do that.  No matter what you say (or hear) about POTUS, one cannot doubt his good intentions and lofty ideals.  The unfortunately truth about the POTUS is that they always inherit the mistakes of their predecessors.  It is the strength that he exudes that makes him better than them, albeit forgiving him for being human and allowing him the luxury of making mistakes.

I used to keep my car spotless.  I used to keep my camera spotless.  I used to eat the hottest and spiciest foods that I could get. I used to have an occasional mixed drink.  I used to do the maintenance on my car and my yard.  I haven't figured out whether I no longer have interest in those things, or really just don't care anymore.  Perhaps this comes with age or realizing what one's limitations are, given the timetable and stress level.  What amazes me the most, though, is that I always seem to have more than enough time to enter another contest, knowing full well that I probably won't win and that even the infinitesimally small chance that I have at winning- is tainted for sure.

Tonight I leave on a red-eye flight to Boston.  We are attending a family wedding.  This is really an excuse for a reunion of sorts.  The family does not get together very often, weddings and funerals.  I like the weddings better...

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,
"Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have their way with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

Paraprosdokians
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.

Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.

I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.

If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)

You're never too old to learn ...something stupid.