To there and back again...

So having returned from my recent trip to Massachusetts, I can, with exact certainty, claim that driving in Boston should be forbidden. My first foray into attempting to drive and park in Boston was four years ago. This time we are better equipped with smart phones and a GPS unit and (honestly) it made no difference. Only a small portion of the streets of Boston have signage, and even some of those are covered by foliage. Having a unit tell you to turn at "ABC Street" doesn't do any good it you can't read a street sign (if there was one). Fortunately, we were smart enough not to even attempt parking this time.

Riding the "T" [subway] is the way to go. If it isn't within walking distance from the T, we just don't go there. That would make the visit to Boston soooo much better.

Great food, great arts, great history and for the most part, great people. It is a very interesting area to visit.

The original plan was to attend a family wedding in East Hampton, but the plan morphed into much more. We also lunched with cousins on my side of the family [in Harvard Square], visited JFK Library and the Commonwealth Archives [to see an original copy of the Declaration of Independence], visited the marathon bombsite, visited Concord [by canoeing to the North Bridge], 

then visiting Sleepy Hollow Cemetery [the graves of Henry Thoreau (1862), Nathaniel Hawthorne (1864), Ralph Waldo Emerson (1882) and Louisa May Alcott (1888)],  then on to Lexington, Walden Pond, and Kendall Square to stay with good friends.

The friends we stayed with lived on the sixteenth floor with fantastic views from each window:

 

  Mindful of recent events and where we were, the location of the marathon finish [and therefore, the unthinkable] was still clearly marked:

All in all, excepting the airplane flights [which is a whole 'nuther story], it was a very full, fruitful and enjoyable trip.  Even reading a good book ["Still Foolin' Em" by Billy Crystal] did not redeem the poor quality of the flights....

Anagrams

Dormitory .................................. Dirty Room

Evangelist................................. Evil's Agent

Desperation.............................. A Rope Ends It

The Morse Code..................... Here Come Dots

Slot Machines......................... Cash Lost in 'em

Animosity................................ Is No Amity

Mother-in-law..........................Woman Hitler

Snooze Alarms........................ Alas! No More Z's

Alec Guinness......................... Genuine Class

Semolina................................... Is No Meal

The Public Art Galleries......... Large Picture Halls, I Bet

A Decimal Point...................... I'm a Dot in Place

The Earthquakes.................... That Queer Shake

Eleven plus two..................... Twelve plus one

Contradiction......................... Accord not in it

Change

He promised us change.  The change that POTUS gave us was that he would ask Congress to validate his cause and grant him permission to attack another country.  Bush wouldn't (and didn't) do that.  No matter what you say (or hear) about POTUS, one cannot doubt his good intentions and lofty ideals.  The unfortunately truth about the POTUS is that they always inherit the mistakes of their predecessors.  It is the strength that he exudes that makes him better than them, albeit forgiving him for being human and allowing him the luxury of making mistakes.

I used to keep my car spotless.  I used to keep my camera spotless.  I used to eat the hottest and spiciest foods that I could get. I used to have an occasional mixed drink.  I used to do the maintenance on my car and my yard.  I haven't figured out whether I no longer have interest in those things, or really just don't care anymore.  Perhaps this comes with age or realizing what one's limitations are, given the timetable and stress level.  What amazes me the most, though, is that I always seem to have more than enough time to enter another contest, knowing full well that I probably won't win and that even the infinitesimally small chance that I have at winning- is tainted for sure.

Tonight I leave on a red-eye flight to Boston.  We are attending a family wedding.  This is really an excuse for a reunion of sorts.  The family does not get together very often, weddings and funerals.  I like the weddings better...

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces,
"Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have their way with me tonight!!"
An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?"

Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."

Paraprosdokians
A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but they also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a form of syllepsis.

Where there's a will ... I want to be in it.

I like going to the park and watching the children run around ... because they don't know I'm using blanks. (Emo Philips)

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.

You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing ... after they have tried everything else. (Winston Churchill)

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' ... I put 'DOCTOR'.

If I am reading this graph correctly ... I'd be very surprised. (Stephen Colbert)

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

I don't belong to an organized political party. I'm a Democrat. (Will Rogers)

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it. (Groucho Marx)

You're never too old to learn ...something stupid. 

To Be or Not To Be

Apparently the gubmint can't figure out what do do- bomb Syria or not.  With each news item that I read, they (POTUS and Congress), they have managed to flip-flop yet again.  I think it is a bad idea to be violent and kill to punish for killing.  There is always another way.  We have rattled sabres so long now that we have lost face.  Can we explain it away or has the rest of the world lost their fear of our words, which don't seem to hold up anymore?  It is a disgustingly complicated and distasteful situation that we have handled poorly.  The final outcome will further test our capabilities to put good results after bad planning and shooting off our mouths...

A Cowboy's Guide to Life

Never squat with yer spurs on.

There are two theories to arguin' with a woman; neither one works.

Don't worry about bitin' off more than you can chew, your mouth is probably a whole lot bigger'n you think.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.

If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'.

Never smack a man who's chewin' tobacco.

It don't take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Never follow good whiskey with water, unless you're out of good whiskey.

Good judgment comes from experience; experience comes from bad judgment.

Always drink upstream from the herd.

Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.

If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

When you give a lesson in meanness to a critter or a person, don't be surprised if they learn their lesson.

When you're throwin' your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.

Lettin' the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier 'n puttin' it back in.

Always take a good look at what you're about to eat. It's not so important to know what it is, but it's critical to know what it was.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it back in your pocket.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

A Farm Kid Joins the Marines

Dear Ma and Pa,

I am well. Hope you are. Tell Brother Walt and Brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats working for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all of the places are filled.

I was restless at first because you get to stay in bed till nearly 6 a.m. But I am getting so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt and Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, and shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.

Men got to shave but it is not so bad, there's warm water. Breakfast is strong on trimmings like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kind of weak on chops, potatoes, ham, steak, fried eggplant, pie and other regular food, but tell Walt and Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you until noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.

We go on "route marches," which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A "route march" is about as far as to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet and we all ride back in trucks.

The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and Colonels just ride around and frown. They don't bother you none.

This next will kill Walt and Elmer with laughing. I keep getting medals for shooting. I don't know why. The bulls-eye is near as big as a chipmunk head and don't move, and it ain't shooting _at_ you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comfortable and hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.

Then we have what they call hand-to-hand combat training. You get to wrestle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fighting with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this except for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6" and 130 pounds and he's 6'8" and near 300 pounds dry.

Be sure to tell Walt and Elmer to hurry and join before other fellers get onto this setup and come stampeding in.

Your loving daughter,

Alice 

OMG

I never thought I would ever agree with Sarah Palin about anything, but recently she commented about the Syrian ordeal:  "Let Allah sort it out later..." is what she said.  I agree that someone crossed the infamous red line in Syria, but we really don't know absolutely for sure who that was.  What should be done ?  Probably the worst action that could be taken, is more violence.  There are way too many extenuating circumstances regarding which group would end up in power when the dust settled.  Perhaps an economic blockade would be more effective...

Italian secret to a long marriage
At St. Peter's Catholic Church in Baltimore, they have weekly husbands' Marriage Seminars.

At the session last week, the priest asked Tony, who said he was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Tony replied to the assembled husbands, 'Wella, I'va tried to treat her a nice, a spenda da money on her, but besta of all is, I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!'

The priest responded, 'Tony, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell us, what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary?'

Tony proudly replied, " I gonna go pick her up."

Einsteins theory of relativity: The more money you have the closer your relatives are.