To Sir With Love

I have had a beard for most of my adult life.  It was dark brown.  As I got older it turned gray and then white.  The hair on my head turned white as well.

When I was young and bearded, retail workers and bartenders would call me sir.  Whenever I cut it off for a week or so, the moniker of respect would also disappear.

So recently, I started getting more "Yes Sirs" and "Thank you Sir".  I'm not sure how to take it.  I love the respect, but it definitely feels strange now to be called Sir.

This is a very laid back part of a very laid back state.  To be called Sir is definitely a rarity and is strange.

Now that I get a discount at the movies, it is though I crossed a threshold which now makes me old, very old, enough to be called "Sir".  I really don't believe that I like it.

Critical Thinking At Its Best!
Woman: Do you drink beer?

Man: Yes.

Woman: How many beers a day?

Man: Usually about 3.

Woman: How much do you pay per beer?

Man: $5.00, which includes a tip.

(This is where it gets scary !)

Woman: And how long have you been drinking?

Man: About 20 years, I suppose.

Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5,400 …correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past
20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct?

Man: Correct.

Woman: Do you know that if you didn’t drink so much beer, that money could have been put into a step-up interest savings account, and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could by now have bought a Ferrari?

Man: Do you drink beer?

Woman: No.

Man: Where’s your Ferrari?

It's the Weekend, Finally...

I've been feeling burned-out all week.  The news about the Zimmerman trial did not help matters.  It never ceases to amaze me as to how far we have come in such a short time AND yet how much more we really have left to go... I guess we DO live in interesting times..

Looking forward to a vacation [soon I hope] and poker tonight.  I need to blow off some stress.

Has anyone been paying attention to the recent articles about retail stores tracking their shoppers?  This is either happening by monitoring the WiFi signal from their smart phones or by some intelligent tracking software and some cameras mounted in the store.  I can certainly understand that they would want to stop shoplifters, but I believe taking statistics on how much time we spend in different places in the store is unfair, without posting it.  I, for one, would probably not shop somewhere where this was ongoing.  Other stores are sending directed ads and coupons to shoppers' smart phones.  I'm not sure whether I like my perusing interrupted, but perhaps the savings are worth it....

The Note

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

How the Human Race Began

A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race begin?"

The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so all mankind was made."

Two days later the girl asked her father the same question, "How did the human race begin?" The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.

The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?"

The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his."

Weakly...

An unusual week, or maybe "unusual" is now the norm. It has bee hard to focus lately.  I think I am beginning to experience burn-out- and need a vacation.  I'm afraid that it is still far-off.

Many bits of bad news this week such as Cory Monteith's untimely death.  It's definitely a shame.  George Zimmerman got off scot-free, which was a big surprise- even coming from Florida!  It is a strange case, with a strange six woman jury. I'm betting it is not over yet- and George better watch his back.

One good bit of news was that polls have shown that people REALLY don't want Sarah Palin to run for office again.  Of course, why would she listen to the people, anyway.

Fairytale Evidence
Cinderella is proof that a new pair of shoes really can change your life!

One Liners

Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

A day without sunshine is like, night.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving isn't for you.

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

Honk if you love peace and quiet.

Remember half the people you know are below average.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it remains?

Nothing is foolproof to a talented fool.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I intend to live forever - so far so good.

Borrow money from a pessimist - they don't expect it back.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

Independence

I find it interesting that the European countries are upset that we are spying on their communication.  Haven't we been tapping their phone lines for decades ?  Apparently, that was okay because I don't ever remember any complaints.  Now that we have automated it, they are upset.  I'm sure that we share our findings with the appropriate locations, and they are more than happy to get that information.

At any rate, we recently saw The Heat with Sandra Bullock and Melissa McCarthy.  These two have a magical chemistry that would only make the worst writing look bad.  Meanwhile, this was a very funny movie, but it was based on a previously successful formula that used male cops instead of female.  There is no doubt that a sequel will follow.

With all the bad press and poor performance at the box office, one would expect White House Down to be a bad movie.  I did not find it so.  The storyline is well performed by (never can do bad) James Wood and a very chemical partnership of Jamie Foxx and Channing Tatum.  The action was great and it was believable, although not probable.

We Are But Dust

A visiting minister at the start of the offertory prayer:

"Dear Lord," he began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice:

"Mommy, what is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point.

Getting Dressed

Hospital regulations required a wheelchair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman - already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet - who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him.

"I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."