It is really a shame that good ideas are not successfully transferred to marketable products. I'm sure there are too many of these to mention. I suppose I will find one of those "As Seen On TV" stores and check to see if they have any BrushyBowls. How silly is that?
BTW, what happened to our saber-rattling North Korean? Did he not have a missile to test, or was he afraid to shoot it off, or was it all for show?? Perhaps we'll never know.
This is the last week of classes for my daughter who will graduate on May 19th. It is a great feeling that she has made it this far, but it is also a great feeling to be "done" with paying for the kids' education. It's like paying off a mortgage!
True or False
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton.
3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.
4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.
5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!
6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.
7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.
8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.
9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.
10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.
11. The average housefly lives for one month.
12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.
13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.
14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.
15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.
16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.
17. The REAL reason an ostrich sticks its head in the sand is to search for water.
18. The only 2 animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the Rabbit and the Parrot.
19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie".
20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.
21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used instead of real milk.
22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.
23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.
24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.
25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.
26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be Green.
Answers: All of the above are true. Don't you just love number sixteen?
Did They Mean to Say That
- On a New York loft building: "Wanted: Woman to sew buttons on the fourth floor."
- In a New Hampshire medical building: "Martin Diabetes Professional Ass."
- In the office of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."
- In a New York medical building: "Mental health prevention center."
- In a toy department: "Five Santa Clauses -- no waiting."
- On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."
- On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices and workmanship.
- At a number of military bases: "Restraicted to unauthorized personnel."
- In a number of parking areas: "Violators will be enforced and Trespassers will be violated."
- On a display of "I Love You Only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."
- In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machines do the dirty work."
- In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan.
- On a window of a New Hampshire hamburger restaurant: "Yes, we are open. Sorry for the inconvenience."
At the store...
I was in the six item express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six items would you like to buy?"
Kids at the Wedding
At a friend's wedding, everything went smoothly until it was time for the flower girl and her young escort to come down the aisle.
The boy stopped at every pew, growling at the guests. When asked afterward why he behaved so badly, he explained, "I was just trying to be a good ring bear."
EIGHT THOUGHTS TO PONDER:
Number 8
Life is sexually transmitted.
Number 7
Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Number 6
Men have two emotions : Hungry and Horny. They can't tell them apart. If you see a gleam in his eyes, make him a sandwich.
Number 5
Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day. Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks, months, maybe years.
Number 4
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospitals, dying of nothing.
Number 3
All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
Number 2
In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
And The Number 1 Thought
Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers-- What you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow
... and as someone recently said to me:
"Don't worry about old age-- It doesn't last that long."
Funny Signs
In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."
In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."
In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."
In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"
On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament-Ears pierced"
Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."
In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"
In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."
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