Post Holiday Blues

The media is rife with great reviews of the Silver Linings Playbook, but I have been disappointed before.  My wife wanted to see it after our Thanksgiving dinner.  Bradley Cooper was unexpectedly good at a serious role.  The real standout, though, was Jennifer Lawrence.  Having seen her in Winter's Bone, her performance in that movie stood out in spite of the fact that I did not like it.  I suspected at that point that she would go far.  In hunger Games, which I also didn't like, her performance was outstanding.  She can say more with her eyes and expressions than with the dialog.  IMHO, this movie, which is a low-budget, shot-in-the-dark will elevate to Oscar consideration, the movie, Cooper and definitely Lawrence.

While the food and company were great for Thanksgiving, I certainly agree that the amount of effort to create that meal doesn't appear to be worthwhile for the payoff, which lasts about fifteen minutes, it seems.  We were all so full that we didn't go back for seconds! As usual, we dieted for the week before- and gorged ourselves (compliments to Bobby Flay) for that one evening.  Now I'm ready to go back on a diet, to feel comfortable again...

Things you'll overhear on Thanksgiving that might sound dirty on any other day
"Talk about a huge breast!"
"Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist."
"It's Cool Whip time!"
"Whew, that's one terrific spread!"
"I'm in the mood for a little dark meat."
"Are you ready for seconds yet?"
"It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?"
"Just wait your turn, you'll get some!"
"Don't play with your meat."
"Just spread the legs open and stuff it in."
"Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?"
"I didn't expect everyone to come at once!"
"You still have a little bit on your chin."
"Use a nice smooth stroke when you whip it."
"How long will it take after you stick it in?"
"You'll know it's ready when it pops up."
"Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!"
"How many are coming?"
"That's the biggest one I've ever seen!"
"Just lay back and take it easy ... I'll do the rest."
"How long do I beat it before it's ready?"

Restarting Again...

I have started this post at least three times and I still don't know what it is that I wish to share opinions on this week.  I could have a post on how "I told you so" about the formerly (G)OP and their presidential candidate, and the election results, but I have been quite happy with the results of the election and the fact that Uncle Mitt has shared his "bad loser sportsmanship qualities" with the public.  It certainly appears truthful that he (they) were out of touch with the electorate, since they expected a landslide of votes in their direction.   I have always been in favor of doing away with the Electoral College, but considering how smart our forefathers were to come up with it; I'd say that it has served us well to accurately represent the wishes of the major part of the electorate.

Meanwhile, I couldn't possibly be busier at work working on projects whose funding expires by the end of the year.  It has surprised me how productive I can still be, knowing that the end is coming soon.

Today, I am assisting the creation of several parts of our Thanksgiving Feast.  I am go-fer, grater, mixer, shopper, and you-name-it, but I am not responsible for successful creations!

"If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again... it was probably worth it."

"The best way to make a small fortune in racing is to start with a big one."  - attributed, Junior Johnson

One-liners
Even if the voices aren't real, they have some pretty good ideas.

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

The most adorable bride of today will be someone's mother-in-law in the future.

Punctual people have nothing better to do.

People who want by the yard, but try by the inch, should be kicked by the foot!

Nothing tastes as good as slim feels.

Save time . . . see it my way.

The only thing you have to do is breathe; Everything else is just optional.

People spend their health for wealth . . . then spend their wealth for health.

Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else.

Nobody plans to fail, they just fail to plan.

Worry is interest paid in advance for a debt you may never owe.

Nothing shows a man's character more than what he laughs at.

The closest some people ever get to a 4.0 in school is their blood alcohol content.

The most precious thing we have is life. Yet it has absolutely no trade-in value.

Every time I walk into a singles bar, I can hear Mom's wise words: "Don't pick that up!! You don't know where it's been!!" 

Cat Quotes

"Managing senior programmers is like herding cats."
- Dave Platt

"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."
- Jeff Valdez

"There is no snooze button for a cat that wants breakfast."
-Anonymous

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods.
Cats have never forgotten this." - Anonymous

"In a cat's eye, all things belong to cats."
- English proverb

"As every cat owner knows, nobody owns a cat."
- Ellen Perry Berkeley

"One cat just leads to another."
- Ernest Hemingway

"Dogs come when they're called; cats take a message and get back to you later."
- Mary Bly

"Cats are rather delicate creatures and they are subject to a good many ailments, but I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia."
- Joseph Wood Krutch

"People that hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life."
- Faith Resnick

"I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior."
- Hippolyte Taine

"There are many intelligent species in the universe. They are all owned by cats."
- Anonymous

"There are two means of refuge from the miseries of life: music and cats."
- Albert Schweitzer

The cat has too much spirit to have no heart."
- Ernest Menaul

"No heaven will not ever Heaven be; Unless my cats are there to welcome me."
- Anonymous

"Time spent with cats is never wasted."
- Colette

"Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well."
- Missy Dizick

"You will always be lucky if you know how to make friends with strange cats."
- Colonial American proverb

"Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want."
- Joseph Wood Krutch

"Cats aren't clean, they're just covered with cat spit."
- John S. Nichols

"The smallest feline is a masterpiece."
-- Leonardo Da Vinci

"Cat's motto: No matter what you've done wrong, always try to make it look like the dog did it."
-- Anonymous

"Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

Back in the days of the Roman Empire, the famous Emperor Nero instituted a new game. The players would take those little disks you set your glass on in order to protect the furniture, and see who could get the most distance rolling them across the floor.

They were the first roller coasters.

Back in those days, the disks were made of iron, and they would bet on whose disk would roll the farthest.

They called them ferrous wheels.
 

Answering machine message at a Mental Hospital
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short- term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are too busy to talk to you.

If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry. You won't be crazy forever.

If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it
up.
 

Is Skyfall Still Bond?

The latest Bond movie is evolutionary.  They took us to his boyhood home, replaced M and Q and the format of the movie has changed.  Daniel Craig, with his superb acting skills, has transformed this movie into more of a Bourne-type movie.  There are less gadgets, less cars, just as many women, but very few encounters with them.  I wonder where they are going to take this next.  After fifty years of Bond, perhaps it was time to change it.  After all, the original author has died and these scrips are now written in the Ian Fleming style, but without the cold war, the topics are different and the spying is different.
I think they did a great job as a transitional movie, but I worry that the franchise will be lost amongst other movies that are not unique.

"Back then, the entire Internet consisted of two slow, boxcar-sized UNIVAC computers about 50 feet apart, connected by a wire.  It would take one of these computers an entire day to send an email to the other one, which would immediately delete it, because it was a Viagra ad." - Dave Barry

Don't mess with mothers....

My son came home from school one day,

with a smirk upon his face.

He decided he was smart enough,

to put me in my place.

Guess what I learned in Civics Two,

that's taught by Mr. Wright?

It's all about the laws today,

The "Children's Bill of Rights."

It says I need not clean my room,

don't have to cut my hair.

No one can tell me what to think,

or speak, or what to wear.

I have freedom from religion,

and regardless what you say,

I don't have to bow my head,

and I sure don't have to pray.

I can wear earrings if I want,

and pierce my tongue & nose.

I can read & watch just what I like,

get tattoos from head to toe.

And if you ever spank me,

I'll charge you with a crime.

I'll back up all my charges,

with the marks on my behind.

Don't you ever touch me,

my body's only for my use,

not for your hugs and kisses,

that's just more child abuse.

Don't preach about your morals,

like your Mama did to you.

That's nothing more than mind control,

And it's illegal too!

Mom, I have these children's rights,

so you can't influence me,

or I'll call Children's Services Division,

better know as C.S.D.

Of course my first instinct was

to toss him out the door.

But the chance to teach him a lesson

made me think a little more.

I mulled it over carefully,

I couldn't let this go.

A smile crept upon my face,

he's messing with a pro.

Next day I took him shopping

at the local Goodwill Store.

I told him, "Pick out all you want,

there's shirts & pants galore.

I've called and checked with C.S.D.

who said they didn't care

if I bought you K-Mart shoes

instead of those Nike Airs.

I've cancelled that appointment

to take your driver's test.

The C.S.D. is unconcerned

so I'll decide what's best.

I said "No time to stop and eat,

or pick up stuff to munch.

And tomorrow you can start to learn

to make your own sack lunch.

Just save the raging appetite,

and wait till dinner time.

We're having liver and onions,

a favorite dish of mine.

He asked ""Can I please rent a movie,

to watch on my VCR?

"Sorry, but I sold your TV,

for new tires on my car.

I also rented out your room,

you'll take the couch instead.

The C.S.D. requires

just a roof over your head.

Your clothing won't be trendy now,

I'll choose what we eat.

That allowance that you used to get,

will buy me something neat.

I'm selling off your jet ski,

dirt-bike & roller blades.

Check out the "Parents Bill of Rights,"

It's in effect today!

Hey hot shot, are you crying,

why are you on your knees?

Are you asking God to help you out,

instead of C.S.D..?

Ode to Our Past

In our later years we try to replay,
All the things we loved back in the day,
Back when we were young and free,
When all that mattered was you and me.

Now we are older and set in our ways,
And find we misremember our younger days,
For what we thought was hip back then,
Was just a bunch of slightly talented men.

We see them in the here and now,
And look back with a slightly scowled brow,
Wondering what all the fuss was about,
Back when the young girls would scream and shout.

Bad Brakes
Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls.

"What happened this time?" he asked.

"My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?"

"Where are you?" John asked.

"I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded.

"And where's the car?" John asked.

Jill replied, "It's in here with me."

The Smart Phone Cliff..

I face a conundrum, and I'm not alone.  Being in a high tech profession, I would love the newest and fastest of almost anything.  I have preached for so long about security issues and losing one's identity with smart phones that actually require that you "sell your soul", that I have difficulty in accepting one or choosing one if I do accept the idea.  There have been several articles that extol the virtues of smart phones, whether iPhone or Android (see Consumer Reports or About.com).  I am still in the category of cell phone or smart phone.  I spend all day five days a week working on computer software.  I would love dearly to put that kind of technology to work for me.  I think my main issue is trust.  Do I trust Apple or Google ?

Apple is in the business of selling consumer electronics and software AND especially content (such as iTunes offers).  Google, on the other hand, gets most of it's revenue from directed marketing. So if I trust no one and decide to just have a stupid cell phone- which one?  They are not equally bad, but they are ALL bad.

Perhaps I will just turn Lemming and follow most everyone else over the smart phone cliff....from whence we will not return...

No need for spell check

Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at an Elingsh uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer is at the rghit pclae. The rset can be a toatl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae we do not raed ervey lteter by it slef but the wrod as a wlohe. 

Cute Dog Quotes
The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue. - Anonymous

Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful. - Ann Landers

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went. - Will Rogers

A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself. - Josh Billings

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. - Andy Rooney

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. - Rita Rudner

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down. - Robert Benchley

Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog. - Franklin P. Jones

If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. - Unknown

My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money. - Joe Weinstein

Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth! - Anne Tyler

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. - Robert A. Heinlein

You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look hat says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!' - Dave Barry

If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them. - Phil Pastoret

As was predicted...

So, as predicted, POTUS cleaned Uncle Mitt's clock (at least in electoral votes), but what is most obvious is that the country did not trust Romney or what he said.  He did not make contact with the middle class, Latinos or women, and it cost him the election.  The votes he got were from people that would not vote black, or are too ignorant to understand that issues that plague our economy are Congress' fault- not Obama's.

What is the story with Florida (again)?  Why is it that they cannot count their votes or even get people to vote in a timely manner ? At least, they were not decisive in this election.

Isn't it interesting how all of the extremists come out of their dark corners and try to get a candidacy for the election? Then the most benign of them gets the nomination- and even more interesting is the fact that the election forces reality to the surface for many voters and they move towards the center of responsibility and trust.

The following is somebody's "real life" telemarketing solution!

Our biggest disappointment with caller id was that many phone
calls were tagged "Out of Area" rather than giving a phone
number. In particular, banks of phones behind switchboards or in
a Centrex are marked that way, which covers most of those pesky
telemarketers that make our lives so miserable. We've found a way
to work around that, which others with Caller ID may also wish to
use.

When we get calls marked Out of Area, especially at the prime
telemarketer time (6-8 P.M.), we now answer the phone, "KDNA,
you're on the air!" Usually the telemarketer will be a bit
befuddled, and ask for one of us by name. We will repeat that we
are a radio station, that the caller is on the air and is, in
fact, the twenty-fifth caller.

Here's a dialog with one telemarketer who bit real hard:

Me (seeing Out of Area on Caller ID, using bouncy DJ voice):
KDNA, you're on the air!
Telemarketer: May I speak to Mad-uh-leen So...So...So-johr-nohr?
Me: This is KDNA, and you are on the air! You've just won your
choice of a new Ford Explorer or $25,000 in cash!!!
Telemarketer: I have?
Me: You certainly have.
Telemarketer: Oh, my god!
Me: Happy? Which will it be, the Explorer or the money?
Telemarketer: I don't know! Let me get my supervisor!
Me: You don't need your supervisor, it's your prize. Are you
calling us from work?
Telemarketer: Yes I am.
(Background voices.)

Telemarketer: My boss says to take the money.
Me: The money! So you listen to KDNA while you're working?
Telemarketer: I didn't even know we were calling you!
Me: Well, where are you calling us from?
Telemarketer: (Some place thousands of miles from us.)
Me: My, my! I guess you can't pick us up all the way out there!
So what's your name?
Telemarketer: Sherry.
Me: Sherry, tell us here on KDNA what kind of music you like.

Sherry: I'm so nervous I can't even think! Nothing like this has
ever happened to me!
Me: Sherry, if you like the kind of music that we play here on
KDNA, we'll play one just for you!
Sherry: But I wouldn't be able to hear it. Where's your radio
station, anyway?
Me: We're broadcasting out of Silicon Valley, California, at
106.6 FM.
(Obviously, telemarketer isn't smart enough to know FM stations
don't end in even decimals.)
Sherry: This is just so great!
Me: Sherry, how old are you?
Sherry: I'm 20.
Me: And what do you do?
Sherry: I'm a business student at (some college).
Me: What will you do with the money, Sherry? Start a business?
Sherry: Oh, I just don't know!
Me: I thought you said you were at work, Sherry.
Sherry: I am. This is to help pay for college.
Me: What's your job?
Sherry: I'm a telemarketer.
Me: You're a what?
Sherry: I'm a telemarketer ... I call people up and ask them if
they want to buy (product/service/etc.)
Me: Oh, that's too bad.
Sherry: Why?

Me: Because we here at KDNA think telemarketers are the lowest
scum on earth, and I don't think we can give this prize to a
telemarketer. You folks are always interrupting people during
dinner and I think that's rotten. So I don't think you should
win.
Sherry: But that's not fair!
Me: Of course not! But hey, it's my radio show, I get to make the
rules.
Sherry: But you can't do that!
Me: I sure can, I'm giving this prize to the next caller.
Meanwhile, I suggest you quit your job. Today.

Click.

Haiku Error Messages
The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
countless others exist

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.

Everything is gone;
Your life's work has been destroyed.
Squeeze trigger (yes/no)?

Windows Seven crashed.
I am the Blue Screen of Death.
No one hears your screams.

Seeing my great fault
Through darkening blue windows
I begin again

The code was willing,
It considered your request,
But the chips were weak.

Printer not ready.
Could be a fatal error.
Have a pen handy?

A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Errors have occurred.
We won't tell you where or why.
Lazy programmers.

Server's poor response
Not quick enough for browser.
Timed out, plum blossom.

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Son of Haiku Error Messages

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Login incorrect.
Only perfect spellers may
enter this system.

This site has been moved.
We'd tell you where, but then we'd
have to delete you.

Wind catches lily
scatt'ring petals to the wind:
segmentation fault

ABORTED effort:
Save and close all that you have.
You ask way too much.

First snow, then silence.
This thousand dollar screen dies
so beautifully.

With searching comes loss
and the presence of absence:
"My Novel" not found.

The Tao that is seen
Is not the true Tao, until
You bring fresh toner.

The Web site you seek
cannot be located but
endless others exist.

Stay the patient course
Of little worth is your ire
The network is down

A crash reduces
your expensive computer
to a simple stone.

There is a chasm
of carbon and silicon
the software can't bridge.

Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that

To have no errors
Would be life without meaning
No struggle, no joy

You step in the stream,
but the water has moved on.
This page is not here.

No keyboard present
Hit F1 to continue
Zen engineering?

Hal, open the file
Hal, open the damn file, Hal
Open the file, please Hal

Out of memory.
We wish to hold the whole sky,
But we never will.

Having been erased,
The document you're seeking
Must now be retyped.

The ten thousand things
How long do any persist?
Netscape, too, has gone.

Rather than a beep
Or a rude error message,
These words: "File not found."

Serious error.
All shortcuts have disappeared
Screen. Mind. Both are blank.

Software Conflict: Wife 1.0 Upgrade
Last year, after hearing how great it was for so long, a friend of mine upgraded from Girlfriend 3.0 to Wife 1.0. He has found Wife 1.0 to be a resource hog, leaving him very little free space for other applications. Wife 1.0 is also spawning Child-Subroutines, which further consumes valuable system resources. His system performance and resources seem to diminish with each passing day. At first, he thought Wife 1.0 might be infected with a virus, but other users have assured him that Wife 1.0 is behaving normally and this behavior should be expected due to the nature of the application.

My friend also discovered that Wife 1.0 installed itself in such a way that it can monitor all other system activity. He now finds that some programs such as PokerNight 10.3, BeerBash 5.1 and PubNight 7.0 cannot run at all. If he attempts to launch them, Wife 1.0 complains about a sharing violation and crashes. He finds this behavior strange since he could run these programs just fine before he upgraded.

At installation, he found Wife 1.0 provides no option to bypass the installation of undesired add-ons such as MotherInLaw 55.8 and BrotherInLaw Beta release.

Some features he would like to see introduced in the upcoming Wife 2.0 release:

* A "Don't Remind Me Again" button.
* A Minimize button.
* An Install Shield that allows Wife 2.0 to be uninstalled at anytime without the loss of cache or other system resources.
* An option to run the network driver in promiscuous mode.

I have decided to forego all the headaches associated with Wife 1.0 by sticking to Girlfriend 3.0. However, even that option has many problems. Apparently, you cannot install one version of Girlfriend before you completely uninstall the old version first. To make matters worse, the uninstall program for Girlfriend doesn't work very well, leaving undesirable traces of the application in the system. If the newer version finds a reference to the old version, Girlfriend will completely freeze until you reboot and remove the stray reference. I am told this is a long standing bug which I should have been aware of.

Also, versions of Girlfriend have conflicts over shared use of the I/O port. You think they would have fixed such a stupid bug by now. Another thing that stinks -- all versions of Girlfriend continually popup little annoying messages about the advantages of upgrading to Wife 1.0.

***** BUG WARNING *****

Wife 1.0 has an undocumented bug. If you try to install Mistress 1.0 before uninstalling Wife 1.0, Wife 1.0 will delete all MSMoney files and take all your cache before doing the uninstall itself. Then Mistress 1.0. will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources.

***** BUG WORKAROUNDS *****

If you can afford it, try installing Mistress 1.0 on an entirely different system and never run any file transfer applications such as LapLink 6.0.

Another possible solution would be to run Mistress 1.0 via an ISP under an anonymous name. 

Perspective Accounts For Bad Choices...

I am amazed at the political differences in perspective, given that I am an employee of a defense company, and a good friend is a small business employer of a handful of workers.  During a poker game, nuances came out about the upcoming election and I chose not to explain or dwell and just took note of how one's perspective makes such a big difference in THIS election.  My voting directions have not changed, but now I realize why some people would TOTALLY vote differently than I would.  I guess, in a few days, we'll see what difference it makes.

Has anyone paid attention to ANOTHER of our freedoms eroding away?  At least two (and there may be more) auto insurance companies (AAA and Progressive) are flaunting a new way to give you a discount.  They want to have you plug in a GPS recorder device onto the diagnostic jack on your car.  With this unit in place, they will be able to read our mileage, and WHAT TIME of the day or night it occurs, and WHERE it occurs.  They will also have accelerometer readings to tell if you drive fast or shot short.  I wonder what else is in these units that they are NOT telling us about, as if these three bits of data are not bad enough.  Many cars already have so called black boxes built into the car, but the insurance companies do not have access to the information until a court requests it.  This unit will give them all the information that they need to characterize your driving such that they can give you a discount, raise your rates, or choose not to renew your policy....

Pesky Telemarketer
The phone rang as I was sitting down to my anticipated evening meal and, as I answered, I was greeted with, "Is this Wilhiam Wagenhoss?"

This didn't sound anything like my name, so I asked, "Who is calling?"

The telemarketer said he was with The Rubberband-Powered Freezer Company or something like that and then I asked him if he knew Wilhiam personally and why was he was calling this number. I then said, off to the side, "Get really good pictures of the body and all the blood."

I then turned back to the phone and advised the caller that he had entered a murder scene and must stay on the line because we had already traced this call and he would be receiving a summons to appear in the local courthouse to testify in this murder case.

I then questioned the caller at great length as to his name, address, phone number at home, at work, who he worked for, how he knew the dead guy and could he prove where he had been about one hour before he made this call. The telemarketer was getting very concerned and his answers were given in a shaky voice.

Then I proceeded to tell him that we had located his position at his work place and the police were entering the building to take him into custody. At that point, I heard the phone fall and the scurrying of his running away.

My wife asked me, as I returned to the table, why I had tears streaming down my face and so help me, I couldn't tell her for about fifteen minutes.

My meal was cold, but oh-so-very enjoyable.

A Stormy Campaign

As I sat and watched the coverage of the Sandy hurricane's devastation of the east coast, I was surprised at how quiet the formerly (G)OP became.  Romney had to eat his words again about dissolving FEMA, when, again, it is need most of all.  Obama just acted Presidential and got things moving, while shedding the red-tape AND best of all is his newly formed relationship with Christie in New Jersey.  I got the impression that that Governor felt that he had endorsed the wrong candidate.  The campaign took back-seat to the disaster AND before you know it, it will be voting day- AND, by now everyone has forgotten the debates.  I predict that the victor in this campaign will be second-termer POTUS.

Halloween Quickies...
Why did the vampire go to the orthodontist? To improve his bite...

Why was the skeleton afraid to cross the road? It had no guts...

Why do witches use brooms to fly on? Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy...

How do witches keep their hair in place while flying? With scare spray...

Who was the most famous French skeleton? Napoleon bone-apart

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers? No, they eat the fingers separately...

Why don't skeletons ever go out on the town? Because they don't have any body to go out with...

What do ghosts add to their morning cereal? Booberries...

What is a vampire's favorite sport? Casketball...

What is a vampire's favorite holiday? Fangsgiving...

What would a monster's psychiatrist be called? Shrinkenstein...

What did one ghost say to the other ghost? "Do you believe in people?"

What do you call someone who puts poison in a person's corn flakes? A cereal killer...

Why do mummies have trouble keeping friends? They're so wrapped up in themselves...

What kind of streets do zombies like the best? Dead ends...

What does the papa ghost say to his family when driving? Fasten your sheet belts...

What is a vampire's favorite mode of transportation? A blood vessel...

What is a ghost's favorite mode of transportation? A scareplane...

What type of dog do vampire's like the best? Bloodhounds...

What is a ghoul's favorite flavor? Lemon-slime...

What does a vampire never order at a restaurant? A stake sandwich...

What is a skeleton's favorite musical instrument? A trombone...

What do birds give out on Halloween night? Tweets...

Why do vampires need mouthwash? They have bat breath...

What's a vampire's favorite fast food? A guy with very high blood pressure...

Why did the Vampire subscribe to the Wall Street Journal? He heard it had great circulation...

Delaware Decision
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her USA government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.

Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware"