Picoftheweek

Picoftheweek
Waaaaaaaay too many to count...

My Statement

"Let me emphatically say that I am not anti-Facebook (Fleecebook), anti-smart phone, anti-Microsoft, anti-Apple, anti-Google or anti-Internet. I do believe, though, that the consumer is being ripped off of his privacy, identity and purchase history. We are being herded into a Facebook corner where what we "Like" and where we go physically and on the net will be scrutinized and sold numerous times to actually corrode and erode our culture while tempting us only with convenience, high tech and flashing video screens. The unsuspecting consumers need to be aware..." - Gary Lapman

Quote of Note

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”-W.C. Fields

"For the strength of the Wolf is in the Pack, and the strength of the Pack is in the Wolf." - Rudyard Kipling

"Common sense is not so common. " -Voltaire

“Fame is vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, but only character endures.” - Matthew McConaughey

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him"

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason" - Jerry Seinfeld

"Fleecebook is free, you (and your identity) is the product!" - Gary Lapman


"Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves." - Eric Sevareid

"'Smart' phones are only smart for the cell phone providers!" - Gary Lapman

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.” -Albert Einstein

"Technology creates the illusion of companionship without the intimacy of friendship." - unknown

"No worry, there's an app for that..." - Gary Lapman

Saturday, September 1, 2012

The week that was...

The week that was, was so filled with demands for my time and had so many obstacles to progress that I'm actually surprised that survival was an option.  On top of twice the work than I normally have, and visitors from out of town at work, I also had personal visitors from out of town.  We were down two cars and only my truck was available (long story), so I walked to work.  That actually wasn't so bad as it is half an hour portal to portal.  I am one of those type of people that run errands during lunchtime, but this week I couldn't.  
So why are we down to one working vehicle.  My daughter took my wife's car back to school because she is now living off campus for her senior year.  She has a practicum in another city and the public transportation would not have gotten her there and back to cover her other classes.  This was known at the beginning of the summer, so we planned for it.
We danced around the possibilities of buying her a car (that we would have not known the reliability of), or her taking the wife's car.  Since she is parking on the street, a five year old car made more sense.  This also was a great opportunity to get my wife a higher mileage car.
We surveyed and compared many different options and narrowed it down to three models Hyundai Santa Fe, Honda CR-V and Ford Edge.  She tried the Edge, but believe it or not, in order for her to be high enough to see over the dash, her head was bumping the ceiling.  Ergonomics or low roof line for mileage...
Scratch the Edge.  The Santa Fe was next and was very impressive.  The four cylinder model got 42 MPG.  It was comfortable and with the eight speed transmission, had lots of energy.  We both loved the car.  The salesman, being a very nice guy, told us that the franchise for Hyundai was moving to another dealership next door, because they were becoming an Acura dealer. That was okay with us.  Unfortunately, the dealer next door couldn't qualify for the franchise, and all the Santa Fes and other Hyundai were loaded up into a transport truck and shipped to the nearest dealer, which is about 40 miles away- this happened in the space of a week.  We would not buy a Hyundai unless it had a local dealership, for servicing.
Meanwhile, we test drove the CR-V.  It was pretty nice, but a lot more expensive.  It was still a second choice.
Consequently, the time was getting closer to move my daughter, and her stuff (including furniture) to the house that she is leasing with two other girls, adjacent to her campus. The car purchase will have to wait, but we were fine with the truck and the Vette.  I drove the Vette to work for about two weeks, when the fuel pump died and it had to be towed home.  Now we were down to one vehicle.
So add all of these stresses up and certainly you come to more than 100%.


True or False
1. Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.

2. Alfred Hitchcock did not have a bellybutton.

3. A pack-a-day smoker will lose approximately 2 teeth every 10 yrs.

4. People do not get sick from cold weather; it's from being indoors a lot more.

5. When you sneeze, all bodily functions stop, even your heart!

6. Only 7 per cent of the population are lefties.

7. 40 people are sent to the hospital for dog bites every minute.

8. Babies are born without knee caps. They don't appear until they are 2-6 years old.

9. The average person over fifty will have spent 5 years waiting in lines.

10. The toothbrush was invented in 1498.

11. The average housefly lives for one month.

12. 40,000 Americans are injured by toilets each year.

13. A coat hanger is 44 inches long when straightened.

14. The average computer user blinks 7 times a minute.

15. Your feet are bigger in the afternoon than the rest of the day.

16. Most of us have eaten a spider in our sleep.

17. The REAL reason an ostrich sticks its head in the sand is to search for water.

18. The only 2 animals that can see behind themselves without turning their heads are the Rabbit and the Parrot.

19. John Travolta turned down the starring roles in "An Officer and a Gentleman" and "Tootsie".

20. Michael Jackson owns the rights to the South Carolina State anthem.

21. In most television commercials advertising milk, a mixture of white paint and a little thinner is used instead of real milk.

22. Prince Charles and Prince William NEVER travel on the same airplane, just in case there is a crash.

23. The first Harley Davidson motorcycle built in 1903 used a tomato can for a carburetor.

24. Most hospitals make money by selling the umbilical cords cut from women who give birth. They are reused in vein transplant surgery.

25. Humphrey Bogart was related to Princess Diana. They were 7th cousins.

26. If coloring weren't added to Coca-Cola, it would be Green.

Answers: All of the above are true. Don't you just love number sixteen?


Shoplifter
My friend, the manager of a grocery store, nabbed a shoplifter in the act. He was escorting the suspect to the office in the front of the store (near the cash registers), when the shoplifter broke from his grip and tried to run.

After a scuffle, my friend pinned him against the wall and looked up to see a number of surprised customers staring at him.

"Everything's fine, Folks," he reassured them. "This guy just tried to go through the express line with more than ten items."



Jogger
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."



Depressed?
Over five thousand years ago, Moses said to the children of Israel, "Pick up your shovels, mount your asses and camels, and I will lead you to the Promised Land."

Nearly 75 years ago, (when Welfare was introduced) Roosevelt said,"Lay down your shovels, sit on your asses, and light up a Camel,this is the Promised Land."

Today, Congress has stolen your shovel, taxed your asses, raised the price of Camels and mortgaged the Promised Land!

I was so depressed last night thinking about Health Care Plans,
the economy, the wars, lost jobs, savings, Social Security,
retirement funds, etc .... I called a Suicide Hotline.

I had to press 1 for English.

I was connected to a call center in Pakistan. I told them I was suicidal. They got excited and asked if I could drive a truck......

I'm thinkin' maybe, we're screwed.




A 21st Century Marriage
I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?"

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"

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