Picoftheweek

Picoftheweek
Waaaaaaaay too many to count...

My Statement

"Let me emphatically say that I am not anti-Facebook (Fleecebook), anti-smart phone, anti-Microsoft, anti-Apple, anti-Google or anti-Internet. I do believe, though, that the consumer is being ripped off of his privacy, identity and purchase history. We are being herded into a Facebook corner where what we "Like" and where we go physically and on the net will be scrutinized and sold numerous times to actually corrode and erode our culture while tempting us only with convenience, high tech and flashing video screens. The unsuspecting consumers need to be aware..." - Gary Lapman

Quote of Note

“If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit.”-W.C. Fields

"For the strength of the Wolf is in the Pack, and the strength of the Pack is in the Wolf." - Rudyard Kipling

"Common sense is not so common. " -Voltaire

“Fame is vapor, popularity an accident, riches take wing, but only character endures.” - Matthew McConaughey

"In order to keep a true perspective of one's importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him"

"Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason" - Jerry Seinfeld

"Fleecebook is free, you (and your identity) is the product!" - Gary Lapman


"Christmas is a necessity. There has to be at least one day of the year to remind us that we're here for something else besides ourselves." - Eric Sevareid

"'Smart' phones are only smart for the cell phone providers!" - Gary Lapman

"On two occasions, I have been asked [by members of Parliament], 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage (1791-1871)

“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity.” -Albert Einstein

"Technology creates the illusion of companionship without the intimacy of friendship." - unknown

"No worry, there's an app for that..." - Gary Lapman

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Florida-ted...

What's going on in Florida?  Is that still part of America?  They have had a kid killed by a neighborhood watch for wearing a hoody, and someone on bath salts ate the face off a homeless guy.  Is there something in the water down there ?  Isn't this the "hanging chad" state, as well ?  Utterly amazing!

Everyone was all excited at the prospect that Apple's announcement would include the IPhone5 (even I was anticipatory).  The move to make their computers with the Retina screens will once again, drive the market.  Putting Siri on the iPad will also cause the competition to scramble.  This is good business- healthy business.  It is good to force the industry in the direction that you desire.  My hat is off to Apple.  I'm looking forward to see what Google does now that they have purchased Motorola's cell phone group.  It is too bad, though, that all the manufacturing goes on overseas.  We REALLY need to get it back.

It used to be that whenever you bought some tech gear, it was out of date by the time you got home.  I think that the period of "bestness" is becoming shorter and shorter.  People that buy "me-too" technology usually suffer, in spite of saving money or getting some additional useless feature.  We all want to get the original and "best", but sometimes we are not willing to pay for it.





TEXAS BEER JOINT SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNIN
A bar called Drummond's, in Mt. Vernon, Texas, began construction on an expansion of their building, hoping to "grow" their business.

In response, the local Southern Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from expanding - petitions, prayers, etc.

About a week before the bar's grand re-opening, a bolt of lightning struck the bar and burned it to the ground!

Afterward, the church folks were rather smug - bragging about "the power of prayer."

The angry bar owner eventually sued the church on grounds that the church.... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, through direct actions or indirect means."

Of course, the church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.

The judge read carefully through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply.

He then opened the hearing by saying:

"I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but it appears from the paperwork that what we have here is a bar owner who now believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."





Wal Mart
A few days ago my best friend from High School sent me a 'Viet Nam Veteran' hat. I never had one of these before and I was pretty hyped about it, especially because my friend Ron was considerate enough to take the time to give it to me.

Yesterday, I wore it when I went to Walmart. There was nothing in particular that I needed at the world's largest retailer but, since I retired, trips to Wally World to look at the Walmartians is always good for some comic relief. Besides, I always feel pretty normal after seeing some of the people that frequent the establishment. But, enough of my psychological fixes.

While standing in line to check out, the guy in front of me, probably in his early thirties, asked, "Are you a Vet Nam Vet?" "No" I replied. "Then why are you wearing that hat?" "Because I couldn't find my one for the War of 1812." I thought it was a snappy retort. "The War of 1812 huh." the Walmartian queried, "When was that?" God forgive me but, I couldn't pass up such an opportunity. "1936". He pondered my response for a moment and responded, "Why do they call it the War of 1812 if it was in 1936?" "It was a Black Op. No one is supposed to know about it." This was beginning to be way fun.
"Dude! Really!" he exclaimed. "How did you get to do something that COOOOL?"

I glanced furtively around me for effect, leaned toward the guy and in a low voice said, "I'm not sure. I was the only Caucasian on the mission."

"Dude!", he was really getting excited about what he was hearing. "That is seriously Awesome! But, didn't you kind of stand out?"
"Not really. The other guys were wearing white camouflage." The moron nodded knowingly.
"Listen man," I said in a very serious tone, "You can't tell anyone about this. It's still Top Secret and I shouldn't have said anything."
"Oh yeah." he gave me the "don't threaten me" look. "Like, what's gonna happen if I do?"

With a really hard look I said, "You have a family don't you? We
wouldn't want anything to happen to them would we?" The guy gulped, left his basket where it was and fled through the door. By this time the lady behind me was about to have a heart attack she was laughing so hard. I just grinned at her.
After checking out and going to the parking lot I saw dimwit leaning in a car window talking to a young woman. Upon catching sight of me he started pointing excitedly in my direction. Giving him another 'deadly' serious look, I made the "I see you" gesture. He turned kind of pale, jumped in the car and sped out of the parking lot. What a great time!

Tomorrow I'm going back with a Homeland Security hat. Whoever said retirement is boring just needs the right kind of hat.  




SEX AND THE LAW - STRANGE BUT TRUE
In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the
animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is
punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.)

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is
prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination.
He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (What, was someone turned
to stone or something?)

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also
applies to undertakers; the sex organs of the deceased must be covered
with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??)

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Wonder
which head?)

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and
deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the
first time... Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins
to marry. (And you thought you had a great job?
I wonder what their resume's look like?)

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous
husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's lover, on
the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!)

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England - but only in tropical
fish stores. (But of course!)

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first
time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Talk
about performance anxiety!)

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and
her daughter at the same time. (Apparently this was a big enough problem
that they had to pass a law?)

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one
exception: prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only "in
places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises."
(Is this a great country or what? Well... not as great as Guam!)

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