Resistance Appears Futile

I feel as though I am being disincentivized to capitulate- "resistance is futile", apparently.Southern California Edison has allowed me to opt out of getting a Chinese-made digital power-use meter that they can read remotely via packetized radio. The REAL downside is that they can read the meter hourly, if they chose, and charge differently for power depending the their whim and the demands of the hour.  Also, the meters are bidirectional, or essentially controllable by them, as well.  Pay your bill late, and they turn you off remotely.  Have the AC on during a hot day and there is an impending brown-out because the power grid is insufficient; they can throttle our power to whatever percentage they deem, at any time.  
I put our name on a "delay conversion" list, until the PUC decided whether this would really be allowed.  A judge forced them to create an opt-out program. The court allowed SCE to charge $75 to keep you old meter, plus a $10 fee per month to get it read.  The PUC has not yet ruled.  I had expected a revolt, but power is in numbers.  It appears as though the resistance has already capitulated...

Deep Thoughts Contest
From a newspaper contest where entrants were asked to imitate
"Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey" (Saturday Night Live)

THIRD RUNNER UP
I don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that the wet paint is a big freshwater lake that is the only source of water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots. Once there was a big fire and everyone died.


SECOND RUNNER UP
I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.


FIRST RUNNER UP
I gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia, and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.

WINNER
If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started.

Good, Better, Best

GOOD: A Houma, Louisiana policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but wasn't getting many. Then he discovered the problem--a 12-year-old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign, which read 'RADAR TRAP AHEAD.' The officer also found the boy had an accomplice who was down the road with a sign reading 'TIPS' and a bucket full of money. (And we used to just sell lemonade!)

BETTER: A motorist was mailed a picture of his car speeding through an automated radar post in New Orleans, Louisiana. A $40 speeding ticket was included. Being cute, he sent the police department a picture of $40. The police responded with another mailed photo of handcuffs.

BEST: A young woman was pulled over for speeding. A Louisiana State Trooper walked to her car window, flipping open his ticket book. She said, "I bet you are going to sell me a ticket to the State Trooper's Ball." He replied, "Louisiana State Troopers don't have balls." There was a moment of silence. He then closed his book, tipped his hat, got back in his patrol car and left.

This is a true story.
I was going through customs from Canada into Alaska in 1980 and I noticed a glass cabinet on the wall showing samples of drug contraband. I little while later a saw a hippie looking closely as the display and when a boarder patrol officer walked by the hippie turned and said, "Excuse me, how much is that pipe?"

Catholic Parrots
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem.
I have two female parrots, But they only know to say one thing.'
'What do they say?' the priest asked.
They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.....
'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible...
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter.
My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, And your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'
'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house....
As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots
were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying...
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them...
After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison:
Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'
There was stunned silence...
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and says,
'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'