Divided vote...

Isn't amazing how some topic that is very important, but not previously addressed by POTUS, can be blown so far out of proportion?  Since the Feds have no control over what the states do to allow same-sex marriage, having POTUS come out in favor while Uncle Mitt is obviously religiously against, is showing that POTUS is changing as the society and culture is changing, but the formerly (G)OP is not.  So what is the result?
Nobody that is gay will cast a vote in the direction of the the GOP.  Nobody that is related to a gay will cast a vote in the direction of the GOP.  The Bible Belt will be left out in the cold, as they would not vote for a Mormon OR someone that advocates same sex marriage.  Progressives will vote Democratic.  Anti-blacks will vote Republican.  Young voters will vote for POTUS while old voters will continue to vote for the split-tongue GOP.  What an election...  This will outrank the election decided by a hanging chad, for sure.  Just how much will Uncle Mitt change his story- just to get elected?  I think this country is suffering from Electile Dysfunction!

Separated at Birth?

" We all have nerd power, we just forget. We all grow up thinking we are artists, engineers, astronauts, and dreamers, but then give over to doubt and practicality. In short, we let someone more capable take the lead. But there is no one else. Just you. If we are lucky someone steps in, takes a hand and says ' let me help you believe."

Regina Duggan
TED lecturer

Woman's Poem 
He didn't like the casserole
And he didn't like my cake,
He said my biscuits were too hard
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right
He didn't like the stew,
I didn't mend his socks
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer
I was looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and
smacked the shit out of him....

Like his mother used to do.

A man and a woman were having drinks, getting to know one another
and started bantering back and forth about male / female issues.
They talked about who was better in certain sports, who were the
better entertainers, etc. The flirting continued for more than an
hour when the topic of sex came up. So they got into an argument
about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do
you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

He then went on for several hours arguing his point, even going
so far as to ask other men in the bar for their opinions. The
woman listened quietly until the man was finished making his
point. Confident in the strength of his argument, the man awaited
her response.

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered.

"Think about this - When your ear itches and you put your little
finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels
better - your ear or your finger?"

Ali G's version of the bible

Check it !  'ear me now. Me 'ave found dis book called de Bible wot is 100 years old.

It was writted by dis bloke called Jason Christ and his dad. It
have no pictures and definitely no muff. Trust me, it is well
boring. It come in two halves, da Old Testicle and da New
Testicle, wot is happarently religious and people 'ave been
fighting for millions of years about which testicle is da best.

Anyway, about 2 billion years ago dis bloke called Moses went up
a mountain in Spain and dropped two tablets. Dey must have been
class A's coz he came down wiv some seriously mental ideaz. Dey
was called Da 10 Commandments, an dey iz 13 laws dat has been da
basis of society ever since. Even da dinosaurs 'ad to learn them
altho very few of dem hactually practisd dem an dat is why dey
died of de Aids an also why Jurassic Park appened. Ere is wot dey
say (not de dinosaurs hobviously coz dey spoke in Dog). Also I
has remixed dem for da new millenimum.

Da old Commandments:

I am the Lord, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt,
out of the house of bondage.
Thou shalt have no other gods before me.
Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image.
Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain.
Remember the Sabbath day to keep it holy.
On the seventh day thou shalt not work.
Honour thy Father and thy Mother.
Thou shalt not kill.
Thou shalt not commit adultery.
Thou shalt not steal.
Thou shalt not bear false witness.
Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's ass.

Da New Commandments:

I iz da macdaddy, who iz taken u out of the county of Barkshire,
u iz all me hoes, an if u iz up 4 it, me is well into bondage.
Westside.
Do not dis Tupac.
Remeber every second Friday in every moth coz dat iz when me hold
de jungle all-nita at de Crooked Billet in Iver Heath - 5 squid
on da door, first 1000 ladies free.
Respec your Nan.
Thou shalt not do drive-bys.
Thou shalt not commit adultery (unless she iz well fit).
Thou shalt not deal.
Thou shalt not wear false titties.
Thou shalt not cover up thy batty (unless you iz a man or you iz
a minger).

Ten Commandments: Republican Style

I. Thou shalt talk about Christian principles, but not live by them.

II. Thou shalt attack opponents personally when you can't win on policies.

III. Thou shalt call yourself pro-life, but be in favor of the death penalty.

IV. Thou shalt call yourself pro-life, and put guns in the hands of school children.

V. Thou shalt give lip service to democracy while taking away civil liberties.

VI. Profit is the Lord Thy God, thou shalt not put the people's interest above those of your corporate contributors.

VII. Thou shalt make sure fetuses have health coverage, but leave children and babies behind.

VIII. Thou shalt bear false witness against your opponents and liberals, and demonize them.

IX. Thou shalt run on a moderate platform, then enact right-wing policies as soon as possible.

X. Thou shalt call the media liberal, so that people forget that the media is owned by corporations with a conservative fiscal agenda. 

Rules for Rednecks

GENERAL
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home.

DINING OUT
1. When decanting wine, make sure that you tilt the paper cup and pour slowly so as not to "bruise" the fruit of the vine.
2. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your fingers covering the label.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table--no matter how good his manners are.

PERSONAL HYGIENE
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

DATING (Outside the Family) - RULES FOR GUYS
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday". If the latter is the answer, it is YOUR responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended. 2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

WEDDINGS
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift. 2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot. 3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create a tacky appearance. 4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this special occasion.