The Entabulator
Many years ago, Rockwell International decided to get into the heavy duty automatic transmission business.
They were preparing to tape their first introductory video and, as a warm up, one of the stage crew began a monologue that has become legend within the training industry.
This man should have won an academy award for his performance.
Now keep in mind, this was a rehearsal for camera, lighting, and stage crew, and he had no script! This is all strictly off the cuff, nothing is written down, and nothing he says is true.
It's just meaningless drivel and BS made up as he goes along.
I am told this video is still utilized as a training aide for incoming congressmen, lawyers, and current White House Administrators.
Three Holy Men and a Bear
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't
really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and
had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap
me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him
and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one
arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down
one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just
like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
A Catholic Priest, a Baptist Preacher and a Rabbi all served as Chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University at Marquette in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan .
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't
really all that hard, a real challenge would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it to their religion.
Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.
Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and
had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap
me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him
and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle as a lamb.
The Bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion
and confirmation.'
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one
arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip.
In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he exclaimed, 'WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we Baptists don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down
one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek.
So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just
like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus..Hallelujah!
The Priest and the Reverend both looked down at the Rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.
The Rabbi looked up and said: "Looking back on it, ....circumcision may not have been the best way to start."
Modern Thinking
I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?' I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.' She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.
Women and cars don't mix
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. 'Do you need some help?' I asked. She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,
'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
In breaking election news, None of the Above, has taken a commanding lead over the other presidential hopefuls.
While still a bit of a mystery, None of the Above has managed to siphon off most of the "Anybody but Romney" voters, as well as most of the "Please not Obama" again vote.
In addition to siphoning votes from the leading contenders, None of the Above has decimated the "Googled Santorum", "Ergo Ego Gingrich" and "Ron Who" campaigns.
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