More on my daughter's adventure in Rome: She says that her room (in the former convent) is about 5x5, with a single bed and her own bathroom. The bathroom is too small to comb her hair in. The whole bathroom is also her shower, running through a drain in the center of the bathroom floor. She has to wedge herself between toilet and sink to access the shower head, and barely has enough room to turn around. It is SAFE to say that EVERYTHING in the bathroom gets wet when she showers. Funny! Also, it goes without saying, that there are no electric outlets in the bathroom. This makes getting ready INTERESTING. I can honestly understand NOW why European women have the reputation for not shaving often, if at all.
They sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!!
In response to the question: "List all dependents?" I replied -
"12 million illegal immigrants;
"3 million crack heads;
"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
"2 million people in over 243 prisons;
"Half of Mexico ; and
"535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate."
Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.
Dog Letters To God
Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one
another? Where are their priorities?
Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?
Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but
not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding
around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have
its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle
the Chrysler Beagle!
Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad dog?
Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have onramps?
Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.
Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get
in?
Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?
Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been
howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever
hear back is the beagle across the street!
Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?
Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we
can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets
thing, again?
Dear God,
May I have my testicles back?
There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
· He called everyone "brother"
· He liked Gospel
· He couldn't get a fair trial.
But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish
· He went into His Father's business.
· He lived at home until he was 33.
· He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.
But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
· He talked with his hands.
· He had wine with every meal.
· He used olive oil.
But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:
· He never cut his hair.
· He walked around barefoot all the time.
· He started a new religion.
But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
· He never got married.
· He was always telling stories.
· He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
· He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no
food.
· He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.
· Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.
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