Zuck or Not?

Is this true?  Is Zuck REALLY facing reality ?   Does he have enough private money to buy out investors or hopeful employees and keep the company private (so he can continue to do whatever he wants) ?  I'm sure that he hopes to make EVEN MORE by going public.  Once he is the CEO of a public company, he WILL have the stockholder to behold to, which is certainly not his style.  This may be the beginning of the end, the "social network" bubble pop....

Jewish Proverbs, Most Direct Quotes
If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.
Yiddish Proverb

The wise man, even when he holds his tongue, says more than the fool when he speaks .
Yiddish Proverb

What you don't see with your eyes, don't invent with your mouth.
Yiddish proverb

A hero is someone who can keep his mouth shut when he is right.
Yiddish Proverb

One old friend is better than two new ones.
Yiddish Proverb

One of life's greatest mysteries is how the boy who wasn't good enough to marry your daughter can be the father of the smartest grandchild in the world. Jewish Proverb

A wise man hears one word and understands two. Yiddish Proverb

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great."
Golda Meir (1898-1978) to a visiting diplomat

Pessimism is a luxury that a Jew can never allow himself.
Golda Meir

Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction.
Albert Einstein

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.
Albert Einstein

Intellectuals solve problems; geniuses prevent them. Albert Einstein

You can't control the wind, but you can adjust your sails.
Yiddish proverb

I don't want to become immortal through my work. I want to become
Immortal through not dying.
Woody Allen

Imagination is more important than knowledge.
Sign hanging in Einstein's office at Princeton .

We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.
Albert Einstein 

A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed  her a study in that morning's newspaper which indicate
that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day.

She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that the reason women use twice as many words as men is because they have to repeat everything they say.

He looked up from his paper and said, "What?"

Fleecbook is at It Again, but on a Brobdinagian Scale

I've been harping a lot lately about how lobbying should be outlawed, as well as company contributions to candidates (i.e. bribes for later favors).  Have you wondered why none of the people responsible for the failing of Wall Street have never been prosecuted? Check out this article.

Give me a break, people.  We have discussed about the next bubble and what will happen when it bursts.  How can Fleecebook be worth so much?  It is all artificial and will be the straw that breaks the camel's back....

Puns
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.




Kids Ideas About Science
The beguiling ideas about science quoted here were gleaned from essays, exams, and classroom discussions. Most were from 5th and 6th graders. They illustrate Mark Twain's contention that the 'most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Q: What is one horsepower?

A: One horsepower is the amount of energy it takes to drag a horse 500 feet in one second.

You can listen to thunder after lightning and tell how close you came to getting hit. If you don't hear it, you got hit, so never mind.

Talc is found on rocks and on babies.

The law of gravity says no fair jumping up without coming back down.

When they broke open molecules, they found they were only stuffed with atoms. But when they broke open atoms, they found them stuffed with explosions.

When people run around and around in circles we say they are crazy. When planets do it we say they are orbiting.

Rainbows are just to look at, not to really understand.

While the earth seems to be knowingly keeping its distance from the sun, it is really only centrificating. [this guy is going to do well in college! *haha* ...Lj]

Someday we may discover how to make magnets that can point in any direction.

South America has cold summers and hot winters, but somehow they still manage.

Most books now say our sun is a star. But it still knows how to change back into a sun in the daytime.

Water freezes at 32 degrees and boils at 212 degrees. There are 180 degrees between freezing and boiling because there are 180 degrees between north and south.

A vibration is a motion that cannot make up its mind which way it wants to go.

There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered. Finding them all means living forever.

There is a tremendous weight pushing down on the center of the Earth because of so much population stomping around up there these days.

Lime is a green-tasting rock.

Many dead animals in the past changed to fossils while others preferred to be oil.

Genetics explain why you look like your father and if you don't why you should.

Vacuums are nothings. We only mention them to let them know we know they're there.

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it's brother against brother.

Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun. But I have never been able to make out the numbers.

We say the cause of perfume disappearing is evaporation. Evaporation gets blamed for a lot of things people forget to put the top on.

To most people solutions mean finding the answers. But to chemists solutions are things that are still all mixed up.

In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H's as O's.

Clouds are high flying fogs.

I am not sure how clouds get formed. But the clouds know how to do it, and that is the important thing.

Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not much else to do.

Water vapor gets together in a cloud. When it is big enough to be called a drop, it does.

Humidity is the experience of looking for air and finding water.

We keep track of the humidity in the air so we won't drown when we breathe.

Rain is often known as soft water, oppositely known as hail.

Rain is saved up in cloud banks.

In some rocks you can find the fossil footprints of fishes.

Cyanide is so poisonous that one drop of it on a dogs tongue will kill the strongest man.

A blizzard is when it snows sideways.

A hurricane is a breeze of a bigly size.

A monsoon is a French gentleman.

Thunder is a rich source of loudness.

Isotherms and isobars are even more important than their names sound.

It is so hot in some places that the people there have to live in other places.

The wind is like the air, only pushier.

Anniversary
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather, to how things used to be in the "good old days. "Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your fiftieth wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our twenty-fifth anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our fiftieth, I'll go down there and get her."

An easy guide to keeping political news in perspective;

1.The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.

2.The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.

3.The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at crossword puzzles.

4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts.

5.The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.

6.The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it, thank you very much.

7.The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.

8.The New York Post is read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.

9.The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.

10.The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of course, that they are not Republicans.

11.The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

12.The Key West Citizen is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need something to wrap it in.

Destressing....

Laying back and licking my stress and anxiety wounds, as we are doing this weekend, is not what the formerly(G)OP candidates should be doing, as the reported poll results are worse for ups and downs than the stock market.  I HONESTLY don't think any of the candidates are going to win, but STILL I believe that Romney is the only one that is electable.  Given his waffling on many issues, it is difficult to believe that he is ready. 


More on my daughter's adventure in Rome: She says that her room (in the former convent) is about 5x5, with a single bed and her own bathroom.  The bathroom is too small to comb her hair in.  The whole bathroom is also her shower, running through a drain in the center of the bathroom floor.  She has to wedge herself between toilet and sink to access the shower head, and barely has enough room to turn around.  It is SAFE to say that EVERYTHING in the bathroom gets wet when she showers.  Funny!  Also, it goes without saying, that there are no electric outlets in the bathroom.  This makes getting ready INTERESTING.  I can honestly understand NOW why European women have the reputation for not shaving often, if at all.

They sent my Tax Return back! AGAIN!!!

In response to the question: "List all dependents?" I replied -

"12 million illegal immigrants;
"3 million crack heads;
"42 million unemployable people on food stamps,
"2 million people in over 243 prisons;
"Half of Mexico ; and
"535 fools in the U.S. House and Senate."

Apparently, this was NOT an acceptable answer.

Dog Letters To God

Dear God,
How come people love to smell flowers, but seldom smell one
another? Where are their priorities?

Dear God,
When we get to Heaven, can we sit on your couch? Or is it the
same old story?

Dear God,
Excuse me, but why are there cars named after the jaguar, the
cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray, and the rabbit, but
not one named for a dog? How often do you see a cougar riding
around? We dogs love a nice ride! I know every breed cannot have
its own model, but it would be easy to rename the Chrysler Eagle
the Chrysler Beagle!

Dear God,
If a dog barks his head off in the forest and no human hears him,
is he still a bad dog?

Dear God,
Is it true that in Heaven, dining room tables have onramps?

Dear God,
More meatballs, less spaghetti, please.

Dear God,
When we get to the Pearly Gates, do we have to shake hands to get
in?

Dear God,
We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals,
whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic
energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans
understand?

Dear God,
Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been
howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever
hear back is the beagle across the street!

Dear God,
Are there mailmen in Heaven? If there are, will I have to
apologize?

Dear God,
Is it true that dogs are not allowed in restaurants because we
can't make up our minds what NOT to order? Or is it the carpets
thing, again?

Dear God,
May I have my testicles back? 

There are 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:

· He called everyone "brother"

· He liked Gospel

· He couldn't get a fair trial.


But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish

· He went into His Father's business.

· He lived at home until he was 33.

· He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his mother was sure he was God.


But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:

· He talked with his hands.

· He had wine with every meal.

· He used olive oil.


But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a
Californian:

· He never cut his hair.

· He walked around barefoot all the time.

· He started a new religion.


But there are 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:

· He never got married.

· He was always telling stories.

· He loved green pastures.


But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:

· He had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no
food.

· He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it.

· Even when he was dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do. 

Fruition After Much Pain...

Note that there have not been any entries this week, as the anxiety and stress level at my house has been way in the red zone....


Without yet getting into the details that got us to that point, let me just say that I visited Disneyland for the first time in twelve years as a belated birthday gift to my daughter; I spent four hours in traffic court supporting my son, helped to get my daughter off to her semester abroad in Rome [this morning at 4:30 a.m.] and my hot water heater went out last evening.  These things would cause us all to cry (if we were allowed), but they had to be dealt with, as only Disneyland was a choice.  The others; well let me say that there are many of Murphy's Laws being enforced here- none of which has caused us to win the Lottery - or even feel that we are getting an even break!


Now for the details:
We drove down to Anaheim, in record time of ninety minutes, down Interstate 5 last Saturday to spend the night in a motel adjacent to Disneyland.  I like to be present when they open the doors at the park.  Previously, we left our car at the motel and walked across the street to catch the shuttle to the ticket counters. Much has changed.  The motel now charges eight dollars a day to park.  That wasn't so bad, but if it is parked before three p.m. and stays parked after 3 p.m., then it is $24.  If it is parked after 3 p.m., then the $8 dollar price is used.  The park charges $15 to park, so we opted for that.
Previously, I entered off Harbor Boulevard into a large parking lot.  Much has changed.  That parking lot is now the California Adventure Park. So we opted to enter (with the car) on Disneyland Drive which allowed us to pass Downtown Disney (more about that later) on our way to the largest free-standing parking garage in the west that is not associated with a mall.  We parked and took the escalator down to a lower level where we caught the shuttle to the ticket counters. 

Now, these shuttles are new also, and about a block long.  The truck is a single seat, with a large compressed natural gas v-8 behind it.  It seems to pull a full train with ease, as it snakes around other vehicles and turns corners with ease.


At the ticket counter, we met Brett, our oldest, who works for Disney Studios and has a "Cast member" ID which gets us all in for free, 20% off food, and 35% off purchases.  That all sounds great until you look at how much ticket prices have gone up to.  Our tickets were $99 each, which would have been $398 to enter the park, plus the $15 to park.  Perhaps Disney is making some money on this, or maybe not.  Much has changed.  Disneyland used to be where you could drop off your kids for an all day treat (for parents too), but it is too expensive for that now.  There are no gangs entering the park.  There are strict dress codes and they make you go through a metal detector and a pat down, as well as inspecting your bags.  No gang members can afford the price or the recognition if they are caught with something they shouldn't have. Score one for the rest of us.
Meanwhile, the park is much different, and yet strangely the same. Pirates of the Carri bean now has tributes to Captain Jack Sparrow. Toontown sucks, as there isn't anything worthwhile there anymore.  Small World was decorated for Christmas, and they were playing Jingle Bells in many languages, so I did not get an injection of "It's a Small World", that resurfaces like a rash for weeks on end! Many of the other rides were also upgraded and enjoyable as none of them had lines more than ten minutes long.  It was a cold and overcast day, too soon after the Christmas and Property Tax dates to warrant a large crowd.
Soon, we decided to jump to the other park, California Adventure.  We discovered that they are rebuilding about two thirds of that park because the demand was so low.  What was open, though, was very interesting.  The kids went on the Hollywood Tower of Terror ride and the Screamin' roller coaster (maglev driven) and loved them.   We all went on Soarin' over California and it was great.  The 4D show at the Bug's Life area is also not to be missed- very worthwhile, at least once.  All in all the parks were fun, especially when free. 
Not to be outdone, Disney also added Downtown Disney.  This is a copy of Knott's and Universal, as they have both had shopping areas outside their parks for years.  Here is where you can find many chain restaurants such as PF Chang's and Rainforest Cafe, as well as many stores that are accessible without going into the park.  A great idea, but still too far to walk from your local motel- so that means $15 to park...


Traffic court was not fun, especially for four hours.  With the fine and conditions, my son now has had his eye opener and perhaps he will be more respectful to his PRIVILEGE to drive.


Well, we finally got to the day that Tori leaves.  This, of course, after sweating the Taxi driver and truck driver strike in Rome.  The school decided to provide a bus.  Enough said there. That morning, we couldn't get her suitcase closed, so I began pulling stuff out, and put a strap on the outside.  We got it closed, but even on my bathroom scale, it was overweight.  At my wife's insistence, Tori couldn't handle three suitcases at the airport, so we were stuck with two- a carry on and a large check-in.  We got up at 3:30 a.m. to get to the airport by 4:30 for a 5:30 flight.  I had figured that there would be an extra charge because of the over weight, but we wouldn't have to pay for the second one. At the check-in counter, the suitcase weighed 75 pounds.  The fee for an INTERNATIONAL flight was $400, and could have been as high as $1200.  What choice did we have at that point?  I paid the fee and Tori made it to her room at the convent in Rome by about eleven p.m., or 8:00 in the morning Friday in Rome.

The Convent Tori is Staying In

We received a phone call from Newark airport and an email from Rome that she arrived safely and her room is about 5x5 (I'm sure that that is an exaggeration), but she said that her bathroom was almost too small to turn around in.  The shower is not enclosed, but open to the rest of the bathroom, with a drain on the shower floor.  What a deal!


As for the hot water heater; it was only a bad thermocouple which amounted to a $65 visit from an HONEST plumber.  What was REALLY unfortunate is that Tori's last shower at home was ICE COLD!


Nuff said... we are looking forward to basking in the Santa Barbara sunshine and taking the couch for a drive this weekend, while we lick our wounds and feed them beer.

"USA Today reports today that in France they are having trouble translating the Internet terms into French. Apparently, there are no French words for 'surfing the net' or 'chat session' or 'hacker.' Of course there are a lot of other word that don't translate into French. 'Military victory,' 'deodorant,' 'please and thank you.'"

- Jay Leno

A sweet old lady telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?"
The operator said, "I can, what's the name and room number?"

The old lady in her weak voice said, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

The operator replied, "Let me place you on hold while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh, I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal and her physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday."

The old lady said, "Thank you. That's wonderful! I was so worried! God bless you!"

The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"

The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."

Senior Citizen Sayings

I'm the life of the party...even when it lasts till 8 p.m.

I'm very good at opening child-proof caps with a hammer.

I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going.

I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, beano, & antacid.

I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up.

I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you are saying.

I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine.

I'm so cared for: Long term care, Eye care, Private care, Dental care...

I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, crowds, children, politicians.

I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place.

I'm wrinkled, saggy and bumpy and that's just my left leg.

I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies.

I'm anti-everything now: Anti-fat, Anti-smoke, Anti-noise, Anti-inflammatory

I'm going to reveal what goes on behind closed doors... Absolutely nothing!

I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days.

I'm in the initial stage of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP. . .

I'm wondering... If you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150?

I'm supporting all movements now... by eating bran, prunes and raisins.

I'm a walking storeroom of facts... I've just lost the storeroom. 

Phrases

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

Insanity is my only means of relaxation.

Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.

You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

Perhaps you know why women over fifty don't have babies: They would put them down somewhere and forget where they left them.

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely.

Every time I think about exercise, I lie down til the thought goes away.

God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things. Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.

It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.

Stress reducer: Put a bag on your head. Mark it "Closed for remodeling." **caution - leave air holes.

I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is already full.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The best way to forget all your troubles is to wear tight shoes.

Words that should Exist

1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks'trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub tap on and off with your toes.

2. CARPERPETUATION (kar'pur pet u a shun) n. The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of confection (lolly) you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow 'remove' all the germs.

4. ELBONICS (el bon'iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.

5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.

6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.

7. PEPPIER (peph ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want fresh ground pepper.

8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.

9. PUPKUS (pup'kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.

10. TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.

A Monetary Incentive is What It Takes

This is wonderful.  A monetary incentive not to use your cell phone when it would be rude.  Everyone at a table in a restaurant stacks their cell phone in the center of the table, face down.  If anyone reaches for it during the meal, they pay the whole bill!

Another Bat Chain Puller drops out.  Rick Perry made the announcement that he has given up pursuit of the nomination.  This is certainly a predictable bit of news.... Seems like the formerly(G)OP is making one big circle... I maintain that Milquetoasty Mitt is the only one that is electable...

A FARMER DECIDED HE WANTED TO GO TO TOWN AND SEE A MOVIE.

THE TICKET AGENT ASKED, "SIR, WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR SHOULDER?"

THE OLD FARMER SAID, "THAT'S MY PET ROOSTER CHUCK. WHEREVER I GO, CHUCK GOES."

"I'M SORRY SIR," SAID THE TICKET AGENT "WE CAN'T ALLOW ANIMALS IN THE THEATER."

THE OLD FARMER WENT AROUND THE CORNER AND STUFFED CHUCK DOWN HIS OVERALLS. THEN HE RETURNED TO THE BOOTH, BOUGHT A TICKET, AND ENTERED THE THEATER.

HE SAT DOWN NEXT TO TWO OLD WIDOWS NAMED MILDRED AND MARGE. THE MOVIE STARTED AND THE ROOSTER BEGAN TO SQUIRM. . . THE OLD FARMER UNBUTTONED HIS FLY SO CHUCK COULD STICK HIS HEAD OUT AND WATCH THE MOVIE.

"MARGE," WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WHAT?" SAID MARGE.

"I THINK THE GUY NEXT TO ME IS A PERVERT."

"WHAT MAKES YOU THINK SO?" ASKED MARGE?

"HE UNDID HIS PANTS AND HE HAS HIS THING OUT", WHISPERED MILDRED.

"WELL, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT", SAID MARGE.. "AT OUR AGE WE'VE SEEN 'EM ALL"

"I THOUGHT SO TOO", SAID MILDRED, "BUT THIS ONE'S EATIN' MY POPCORN...!"

An old farmer is inconsolable after his dog goes missing. His wife suggests he take out an ad in the newspaper, which he does. But two weeks later, there's still no sign of the pooch.

"What did you write in the ad?" his wife asks.

"'Here, boy,'" he replies.  

Hark!

Stop the Merry-go-round, I want to get off...

Another Bat Chain Puller falls to the wayside as John Huntsman suspends his campaign.  The focus will get sharper with less potentials going for that nomination.  Perhaps "Milquetoasty" Mitt will become more sharpened and committed to what he says- NOT!


I am REALLY surprised that the sophistication of GPS may not have been available on the cruise ship that is sinking off the coast of Italy.  It seems that it would almost be impossible to run a ship aground given that  you know exactly where the ship is and have maps that show latitude and longitude of hazards.  I noticed that there has been no mention of the instrumentation that was available to the captain of that ship, and whether it was working correctly.  There is no excuse for his actions after going aground, but the actual accident may not be his fault.  We seem way to anxious to put the blame on him, even though he certainly deserves the major amount of it.


The world is moving way too fast.  The simple life has all but disappeared.  High technologies have only made it worse and there is no slowing down or stopping in sight.  How much of the "progress" can be attributed to greed?

 
How far away is the Singularity? Now they are making a movie about it.  Certainly it is too far gone to turn back, but exactly how far away is it ?

Office Buzz Words and Phrases for the 21st Century

· BLAMESTORMING
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed
or a project failed, and who was responsible.

· SEAGULL MANAGER
A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

· CHAINSAW CONSULTANT
An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount,
leaving the top brass with clean hands.

· CUBE FARM
An office filled with cubicles.

· MOUSE POTATO
The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

· PRAIRIE DOGGING
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and
people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

· SITCOMs
(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies
turn into when they have children and one of them stops working
to stay home with the kids.

· STARTER MARRIAGE
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids,
no property and no regrets.

· STRESS PUPPY
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.

· SWIPED OUT
An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the
magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

· TOURISTS
People who take training classes just to get a vacation from
their jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the rest
were just tourists."

· TREEWARE
Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.

· XEROX SUBSIDY
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

· CHIPS & SALSA
Chips = hardware, Salsa = software. "Well, first we gotta figure
out if the problem's in your chips or your salsa."

· PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to
get it to work again. (Try not to dent the case.)

· SALMON DAY
The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only
to get screwed and die in the end.

· CLM
(Career Limiting Move) Used among microserfs to describe ill-
advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or she is within
earshot is a serious CLM.

· ADMINISPHERE
The rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were
designed to solve.

· DILBERTED
To be exploited and oppressed by your boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip character.
"I've been Dilberted again. The old man revised the specs for the
fourth time this week."

· 404
Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message
"404 Not Found," meaning that the requested document could not be
located. "Don't bother asking him ... he's 404, man."

Little Johnny sees his Daddy's car passing the playground and
going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy
and Aunt Jane kissing.

Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as
he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.

"MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND..."

Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the
story.

So Johnny tells her. "I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's
car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy
was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her
shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt
Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy..."

At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such
an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper
time. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it
tonight."

At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story. He
describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on
the seat, and...

"... then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle
Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army."

Kids Books You'll Never See

"You Were an Accident"

"How to Dress Sexy for Grownups"

"Strangers Have the Best Candy"

"Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her"

"Bi-Curious George"

"The Little Sissy Who Snitched"

"Some Kittens Can Fly!"

"Getting More Chocolate on Your Face"

"Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?"

"Daddy Drinks Because You Cry"

"Where Would You Like to Be Buried?"

"The Attention Deficit Disorder Association's Book of Wild Animals of North America. Hey! Let's Go Ride Our Bikes!"

"All Dogs Go to Hell"

"The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking"

"When Mommy and Daddy Don't Know the Answer They Say God Did It"

"Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia"

"What Is That Dog Doing to That Other Dog?"

"Mister Policeman Eats His Service Revolver"

"You Are Different and That's Bad"

Daydreaming About Political Outcomes

I am currently experiencing a blockage on my writing.  I have been blinded by the stories found recently in the media.  Apparently they have been scraping the bottom of the barrel for filler.  That has made my task much more difficult...

The weather (up to 75 degrees) today got me daydreaming. What if Mr. Milquetoast won the nomination, and what if he won the presidency.  Do I REALLY believe that anything would change, for the better or worse ?  Have we forgotten that Bush and Clinton started the ball running to get us in this mess or sending our manufacturing overseas.  The ball is not going to stop based on who is in the White House.  Congress has much too much power to stop any progress in any direction.  The only way having a new president might make a difference is if we though all the bums in Congress out of office.  Unfortunately, they have fixed that issue too, as only half of them get elected at a time.

LeRoy's Hearing
Leroy goes to a revival and listens to the preacher.

After awhile the preacher asks anyone with needs to be prayed over to come forward to the front at the altar.

Leroy gets in line, and when it's his turn, the preacher asks: 'Leroy, what do you want me to pray about for you.'

Leroy replies: 'Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing.'

The preacher puts one finger in Leroy's ear, and he places the other hand on top of Leroy's head and Prays and Prays and Prays, he prays a blue streak for Leroy.

After a few minutes, the preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, 'Leroy , how is your hearing now?'

Leroy says, 'I don't know, Reverend, it ain't til next Wednesday! 

Redneck Horoscope

OKRA
Dec 22 - Jan 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies!

CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20- Mar 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it.

MOON PIE
Mar 21- April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM
APR 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over. 


CRAWFISH
May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.

COLLARDS
June 22- July 23
Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of  life and share their essence with the essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH
July 24 - Aug 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, although one: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. Your catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS
Aug 24 - Sept 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, thought so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well.

BOILED PEANUTS
Sept 24 - Oct 23
You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones-may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you. 


BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - Nov 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody.
You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO
Nov 23 - Dec 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility. 

So, there are these two old guys, one 80 and one 87. They were sitting on their usual park bench one morning. The 87 year old had just finished his morning jog and wasn't even short of breath. The 80 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 87 year old said, "Well, I eat rye bread every day. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies." 

So, on the way home the 80 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help. He said "Do you have any Rye bread?"
She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"
He said, "I want 5 loaves."
She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves ... By the time you get to the 3rd loaf, it'll be hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody knows about this stuff but me."