People are furious over banking fees. Why do we need banks anyway? We bailed them out of hot water with taxpayer funds and the repay us by upping fees. The mistake here is ours. Number one; if they were failing, it is their fault. If they are too big to fail, okay- don't. If you do fail, then it is your fault and you deserve to fail. The REALLY inherent problem is that banks are in business to make a profit. They (supposedly) sell us service for a fee. If we want that service we should have to pay, or someone should.
I personally have been doing business with credit unions for a long time. It is a members-only organization that provides the same services (or better) and is NON-PROFIT. Any fees that they do charge is only to break even. Why would my mattress look better than a credit union ? Credit unions never forget whose money it is and treat you like family members, which is unlike banks that assume you are out to cheat them (when it is really the other way around).
My first bad experience with a bank is when BofA tried to charge me a fee to make my third deposit in a month. I argued that they would have more monies to lend and there fore should not be charging me. They claimed that it was a PAPERWORK charge. I quickly removed all my money from that institution and moved to a credit union. I have ALWAYS wondered why people stay there, or with ANY bank.
Personnel Evaluation Quotes:
• "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."
• "A prime candidate for natural deselection."
• "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."
• "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."
• "Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."
• "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."
• "If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."
• "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."
• "It's hard to believe that he beat 1,000,000 other sperm to the egg."
• "One neuron short of a synapse."
• "Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."
• "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."
• "A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."
• "He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."
• "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
• "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."
• "He's been working with glue too much."
• "He would argue with a signpost."
• "He has a knack for making strangers immediately."
• "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."
• "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
• "If you see two people talking and one looks bored,...he's the other one."
• "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom...and has started to dig."
• "His men would follow him anywhere,...but only out of morbid curiosity."
• "I would not allow this employee to breed."
• "This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be'."
• "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."
• "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."
• "He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."
• "This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
• "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them."
• "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
• "This employee should go far,...and the sooner he starts, the better."
The Dictionary: what engineers say and what they mean by it
Major Technological Breakthrough
Back to the drawing board.
Developed after years of intensive research
It was discovered by accident.
The designs are well within allowable limits
We just made it, stretching a point or two.
Test results were extremely gratifying
It works, and are we surprised!
Customer satisfaction is believed assured
We are so far behind schedule that the customer was happy to get anything at all.
Close project coordination
We should have asked someone else; or, let's spread the responsibility for this.
Project slightly behind original schedule due to unforeseen difficulties
We are working on something else.
The design will be finalized in the next reporting period
We haven't started this job yet, but we've got to say something.
A number of different approaches are being tried
We don't know where we're going, but we're moving.
Extensive effort is being applied on a fresh approach to the problem
We just hired three new guys; we'll let them kick it around for a while.
Preliminary operational tests are inconclusive
The darn thing blew up when we threw the switch.
The entire concept will have to be abandoned
The only guy who understood the thing quit.
Modifications are underway to correct certain minor difficulties
We threw the whole thing out and are starting from scratch.
Essentially complete.
Half done.
We predict...
We hope to God!
Drawing release is lagging.
Not a single drawing exists.
Risk is high, but acceptable.
100 to 1 odds, or with 10 times the budget and 10 times the manpower, we may have a 50/50 chance.
Serious, but not insurmountables, problems.
It will take a miracle. God should be the program manager.
Not well defined.
Nobody has thought about it.
Requires further analysis and management attention.
Totally out of control.
The project is designed for high availability.
Malfunctions will be blamed on the operators mistakes.
This project has low maintenance requirements.
We wouldn't let the technicians change a light bulb, much less fool around with our baby.
The software is being developed without excessive process overhead.
The documentation will be written in clear and lucid Chinese.
The delivery is scheduled for the last quarter of next year.
This leaves us plenty of time to decide who to blame for it being late.
Best comeback lines...
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility .....
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win
In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.
His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function .... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
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