Back to work....

We are back from our very short, but well deserved getaway to Northern California.  We saw temperature extremes from mid 40s in San Francisco with heavy, milky fog and freezing winds to 102 degrees in Napa to mid 80s in the redwood forest.  We traveled to  Point Reyes to see the lighthouse, but that same milky fog deterred us. 

We learned that the Sattui (our favorite St. Helena winery) family built a replica of a twelfth century Tuscan castle and raised all their wine prices to fund it (unfortunately).  


We also discovered that another favorite winery in Calistoga,  Sterling, raised their tasting price to $25, which is more than I would spend for their individual bottles of wine.  

We visited a glass beach in Fort Bragg.  This beach is covered with broken glass that has been polished by the wave action.  Terre and Tori collect it in hopes that someday they will make jewelry from it.

We found a banana slug (about eight inches) in the Founder's Grove of the redwood forest.  It was a bit gross! 

On the hunt for a good  dinner, we were served raw pork (yuk) masquerading as BBQ ribs in Healdsburg. The restaurant review that we posted should keep unaware tourists from making the same mistake we did.       

We did, however have a WONDERFUL breakfast the next day at the Center Street Cafe, also in Healdsburg.

    

Bottom line was that it was great to get away, but we had some not-so-great experiences on the trip.  So now I am back to work, with very little funded until the next fiscal year begins...

OXYMORONIC ONE-LINERS
· Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

· Death to all fanatics!

· An oral contract isn't worth the paper it's written on.

· If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

· I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

· The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.

· Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?

· I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.

· I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

· Life is full of uncertainties...or I could be wrong about that?

· Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use more words than necessary.

· Always remember you're unique... just like everyone else.

"First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down."
- George Burns

This is a deceptively simple philosophy that I have been working on and refining for most of my life.  I am delighted to say that I believe I have refined it down to its essence - sufficiently to share it with a select band of friends that may appreciate its elegance and simplicity.

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit
you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:


1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absent mindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

xx