Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energy-efficient kind.
Today, I got a call from the contractor who installed them. He complained that the work had been completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Helloooo, ... just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year ... that these windows would pay for themselves in a year.
Helloooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I bet he felt like an idiot.
Children Writing About the Ocean...
1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6) 2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)
3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (, age 7)
4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson She's not my friend any more. (Kylie, age 6)
5) - A dolphin breaths through an asshole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)
6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with two other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)
7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)
8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids.. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)
9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always Crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)
10) - Some fish are dangerous.. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can Give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)
11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Kevin, age 6)
12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)
13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass.. (Julie, age 7)
14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)
15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)
If you didn't chuckle at one of these, you need to find a better sense of humour.
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