So to fix Washington, all of the lobbyists will be eliminated. No corporate donations will be accepted to election campaigns or any other campaigns. All corporations will become non-corporal taxable entities like average citizens and will pay taxes based on the same rules. All members of Congress will be limited to two terms. Campaigns will be run using their own monies- only. Debates, speeches, et cetera will only be on the internet to save funds and negate the cost of security. No pork will be allowed on any bills. Every bill will state its general intent in less than one hundred words in layman's language- up front.
My motto for cleaning up this mess would be, "Simplify, do your job and only your job, and then get out!". Help clean up in Washington, don't re-elect ANYONE!
Finally, in a sea of Bat Chain Pullers, Rick Perry decides to join the group of Obama challengers. IMHO he is the ONLY opponent that may have a chance to beat Obama. On the other hand, though; it is rumored that Sarah Palin may be his first choice as a running mate. This may be an albatross around his neck. There are many people that are not happy with Obama's performance, but I don't think that there are that many that would elect someone only a bullet away from ineptitude-on-a-grand-scale.
A guest in a posh hotel called over the head waiter one morning and read from the menu.
"I'd like one under-cooked egg so that it's runny, and one overcooked egg so that it's tough and hard. I'd also like grilled bacon which is a bit on the cold side, burnt toast, butter straight from the freezer so that it's impossible to spread, and a pot of very weak, lukewarm coffee."
"That's a complicated order sir," said the bewildered waiter. "It might be quite difficult."
The guest replied sarcastically, "It can't be that difficult because that's exactly what you brought me yesterday!"
Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Saul Dumbrowski's Chinese Laundry."
"Saul Dumbrowski?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here? "
So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Saul Dumbrowski's Chinese Laundry?"
The old man answers, "Is name of owner."
The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?"
"Me, is right here," replies the old man.
"You? How did you ever get a name like Saul Dumbrowski?"
"Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Saul Dumbrowski.'
Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?'
I say, 'Sem Ting.'"
Dear Ma and Pa,
I am well. Hope you are. Tell brother Walt an brother Elmer the Marine Corps beats workin for old man Minch by a mile. Tell them to join up quick before all the places are filled. I was restless at first cause you get to stay in bed till near 6 a.m. But I am gettin so I like to sleep late. Tell Walt an Elmer all you do before breakfast is smooth your cot, an shine some things. No hogs to slop, feed to pitch, mash to mix, wood to split, fire to lay. Practically nothing.
Men get to shave but it's not so bad, there's warm water.
Breakfast is strong on trimmins like fruit juice, cereal, eggs, bacon, etc., but kinda weak on chops, potatas, ham, steak, fried tomaters, pie and other reglar food, but tell Walt an Elmer you can always sit by the two city boys that live on coffee. Their food, plus yours, holds you til noon when you get fed again. It's no wonder these city boys can't walk much.
We go on 'route marches,' which the platoon sergeant says are long walks to harden us. If he thinks so, it's not my place to tell him different. A 'route march' is about as far as we go to our mailbox at home. Then the city guys get sore feet an we all get to ride back in trucks.
The sergeant is like a school teacher. He nags a lot. The Captain is like the school board. Majors and colonels just ride around an frown. They don't bother you none.
This next will kill Walt an Elmer with laughin. I keep gettin medals for shootin. I don't know why. The bulls - eye is near as big as a chipmunk head an it don't move, an it ain't shootin at you like the Higgett boys at home. All you got to do is lie there all comforble an hit it. You don't even load your own cartridges. They come in boxes.
Then we have what they call hand - to - hand combat trainin. You get to wrassle with them city boys. I have to be real careful though, they break real easy. It ain't like fightin with that ole bull at home. I'm about the best they got in this kinda trainin cept for that Tug Jordan from over in Silver Lake. I only beat him once. He joined up the same time as me, but I'm only 5'6' and 130 pounds soakin wet an he's 6'8' an near 300 pounds dry.
Be sure to tell Walt an Elmer to hurry and join up before any other fellers get onto this setup an come stampeedin in.
Your loving daughter, Alice
California-to-Tennessee dictionary:
CALIFORNIA | TENNESSEE |
| Arsenal of Weapons | Gun Collection |
| Delicate Wetlands | Swamp |
| Undocumented Worker | Illegal Alien |
| Cruelty-Free Materials | Synthetic Fiber |
| Assault and Battery | Attitude Adjustment |
| Heavily Armed | Well-protected |
| Narrow-minded | Righteous |
| Taxes or Your Fair Share | Coerced Theft |
| Commonsense Gun Control | Gun Confiscation Plot |
| Illegal Hazardous Explosives | Fireworks for Stump Removal |
| Equal Access to Opportunity | Socialism |
| Multicultural Community | High Crime Area |
| Fairness or Social Progress | Marxism |
| Upper Class or "The Rich" | Self-Employed |
| Progressive, Change | Big Government Scheme |
| Homeless or Disadvantaged | Bums or Welfare Leeches |
| Sniper Rifle | Scoped Deer Rifle |
| Investment For the Future | Higher Taxes |
| Healthcare Reform | Socialized Medicine |
| Extremist, Judgmental, or Hater | Conservative |
| Truants | Homeschoolers |
| Victim or Oppressed | Criminal or Lazy Good-For-Nothing |
| High Capacity Magazine | Standard Capacity Magazine |
| Religious Zealot | Church-going |
| Reintroduced Wolves | Sheep and Elk Killers |
| Fair Trade Coffee | Overpriced Yuppie Coffee |
| Exploiters or "The Rich" | Employed or Land Owner |
| The Gun Lobby | NRA Members |
| Assault Weapon | Semi-Auto (Grandpa's M1 Carbine) |
| Fiscal Stimulus | New Taxes and Higher Taxes |
| Mandated Eco-Friendly Lighting | Chinese Mercury-Laden Light Bulbs |
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