So the current generation is beginning to use watches again instead of looking at their panacean smart phone. I am truly amazed!
A young cowboy from Amarillo goes off to Texas A&M. Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.
"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Old Blue how to talk!"
"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Old Blue in that program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says"and I'll get him in the course."
So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.
About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Old Blue doing son?" his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"
"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"
"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.
At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.
"Where's Old Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left College Station to drive home, Old Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".
"Then Old Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"
The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman .
If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ....
Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'
Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'
Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'
Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'
Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, .. I do.'
Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'
Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'
The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.
In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.
His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function .... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,
"Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm a Lawyer too. "
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