Google is changing your brain to be more dependent on the internet! We are going through a metamorphosis on how our brain organizes data, and what is decides to remember- the data or how to access it on the internet.
Sadie and Yetta, two widows, are talking:
Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I
know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with
you about him before I give him my answer."
Yetta: "Vell.... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctual like a clock. An like such a mench he is dressed. Fine
suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful flowers
you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there
but such a beautiful car, a limousine even, uniformed chauffeur
and all.
Then he takes me out for a dinner. Marvelous dinner. Lobster
even. Den ve go see a show... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed it
so much I could just die from pleasure! So then we are coming
back to my apartment, and into an ANIMAL he turns. Completely
crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with
me two times!"
Sadie: "Oy! Vey... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out with
him?"
Yetta: "No... I'm just saying that if you go, wear an old dress."
A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by one of the younger doctors.
After about four minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she told him her story.
After listening, he had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched down the hallway back to where the young doctor was writing on his clipboard.
"What's the matter with you?" the older doctor demanded.
"Mrs. Terry is 71 years old, has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The younger doctor continued writing and without looking up said,
"Does she still have the hiccups?"
Things My Parents Taught Me
My parents taught me LOGIC... "If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can't go to the store with me."
My parents taught me MEDICINE...
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they're going to freeze that way."
My parents taught me TO THINK AHEAD...
"If you don't pass your spelling test, you'll never get a good job!"
My parents taught me ESP...
"Put your sweater on; don't you think that I know when you're cold?"
My parents taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE...
"What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you...Don't talk back to me!"
My parents taught me HUMOR...
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."
My parents taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT...
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."
My parents taught me ABOUT SEX...
"How do you think you got here?"
My parents taught me about GENETICS...
"You are just like your father/mother!"
My parents taught me about my ROOTS...
"Do you think you were born in a barn?"
My parents taught me about the WISDOM of AGE...
"When you get to be my age, you will understand."
My parents taught me about ANTICIPATION...
"Just wait until your father/mother gets home."
My parents taught me about RECEIVING...
"You are going to get it when we get home."
And my all time favorite thing- JUSTICE...
"One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like YOU
..then you'll see what it's like."
COMPUTER PROBLEM:
Last year I upgraded Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during
system initialization where it monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Pokernight 10.3and Beerbash 2.5 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. Ican not seem to purge
Wife 1.0 from my system. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 1.0 but un-install does not work on this program. Can you help me?
ANSWER:
This is very a common problem men complain about but is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many men upgrade from Girlfriend 1.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a "UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by its creator to run everything. It is impossible to un-install, delete, or purge the program from the system once installed. You can not go back to Girlfriend 1.0 because Wife 1.0 is not designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 2.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than original system. Look in your manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Protection Faults (GPFs). You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur. The best course of action will be to push apologize button then reset button as soon as lock-up occurs.
System will run smooth as long as you take the blame for all GPFs. Wife 1.0 is a great program but is very high in maintenance costs.
Medical notes -These are sentences exactly as typed by medical secretaries in NHS Greater Glasgo...
The patient has no previous history of suicide. Patient has left her white blood cells at another hospital.
Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.
She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.
Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.
On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared.
The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.
Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.
Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert, but forgetful.
Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.
She is numb from her toes down.
While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.
The skin was moist and dry.
Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.
Patient was alert and unresponsive.
Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.
She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.
I saw your patient today, who is still under our care for physical therapy.
The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.
Skin: somewhat pale, but present.
The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.
Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.
Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.
When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.
The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed.
Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.
She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.
Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Smith, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.
The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.
By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE TROUBLE SPELLING
AOCDRNDICG TO RSCHEEARCH AT CMABRIGDE UINERVTISY, IT DSENO'T MTAETR WAHT OERDR THE LTTERES IN A WROD ARE, THE OLNY IPROAMTNT TIHNG IS TAHT THE FRSIT AND LSAT LTEETR BE IN THE RGHIT PCLAE. TIHS IS BCUSEAE THE HUAMN MNID DEOS NOT RAED ERVEY LTETER BY ISTLEF, BUT THE WROD AS A WLOHE. IF YOU CAN RAED TIHS, PSOT IT TO YUOR WLAL. OLNY 55% OF PLEPOE CAN
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