Garage Sale Events...

Today was the big day for the garage sales (at least five on the block simultaneously).  We got up at six and had breakfast and coffee.  I took the Pilot to the corner to get is out of the driveway and make more parking for buyers.  When I came back to the house to move Ridgeline to the same location, nothing happened when I clicked the key-clicker.  I figured the battery in the clicker had died (or who know, since it was Friday the 13th last night).  The truck is almost six years old, so either battery could have given up the ghost.  I woke up my son and had him pull next to the truck to jump start it.  Every time I connected the positive terminal, the horn started honking.  We tried it repeatedly, until we were sure the whole neighborhood was awake.  That battery was really dead.  I went to OSH to get a replacement, and found out that they no longer carry them.  Since Sears owns OSH and Kmart, I figured I'd try Kmart next.  I got a DieHard for much more than I paid for a battery last time I bought one, and proceeded home.  When I put the battery in, every time I connected the positive terminal, the horn would start honking.  FINALLY, I decided to call the service department of the local Honda dealer to see how to turn off the security system so I could finish the job.  Surprisingly enough to me; inserting the key into the driver's door and moving the lock shut off the security system and the horn.  The job was done and the truck started successfully!  
Meanwhile, back at the garage sale, we had people show up at 7:15, even though the ad clearly stated that there would be no early-bird sales.  The sale started at 8:00, and we were not going to make any exceptions.  Luckily those people came back.  We cleared about $350 on mostly junk by noon.  After two, I loaded up the truck and delivered most of what was left to a local charity thrift store.  Amazing slice of American culture...

The White Lie Cake
Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this--especially all of the ladies who bake for church events.

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp.

But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake."

This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper & newspaper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect!

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified. She couldn't imagine what had gone wrong. Alice was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? "Oh, my," she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South. Then, to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert.

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake. She started out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!"

Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

The Ugly Woman
A very loud, unattractive, mean-acting woman walks into Wal-Mart with her two bratty kids in tow. Up and down the aisles she screams obscenities at them. The kids of course act miserable the whole time. No one has a clue what to do or say. As a result, the whole place is in a tense hush wherever the three of them go.

Finally the manager sends over the official Wal-Mart Greeter. He tells the elderly man to see if he can get some peace and quiet one of the kids kicks. For his efforts, he is immediately kicked in the leg by one of the kids. Unfazed, he puts on his official Greeter face and says, "Good morning, Ma'am, and welcome to Wal-Mart... Nice children you've got there - are they twins?"

The ugly woman stops screaming long enough to say, "Hell No, they ain't twins. The oldest one, he's 9 and the younger one, she's 7."

The woman actually pauses for a moment. "Hey, why would you think they're twins?........ Do you really think they look alike?"

"No", replies the greeter, "it was just beyond my imagination to think you could actually have gotten more than once!"