Bin Laden could not have remained hidden in Pakistan for so long without help. How can we get them to tell us what really went on? How about if we cut them off from aid? I can't think of a better thing to do. One would think that the mere reference to that possibility would get them hopping....
Bumper Stickers
· The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
· Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
· I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
· Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
· WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
· BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
· I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
· So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
· Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
· I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
· I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
· Keep honking, I'm reloading.
· As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
· God must love stupid people, he made so many.
· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
· It IS as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.
· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
· Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
· Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
WAYS YOU CAN TELL YOU ARE A LOSER
* You actually think wrestling is the best form of entertainment there is. * Your imaginary friends keep finding excuses not to come over.
* You pick your nose and don't care who sees you.
* You're dog won't even sniff your balls.
* You try to commit suicide by jumping out of a one story window, fail and wonder why.
* You are over 30 and still living with your parents.
* You are so annoying that even your multiple personalities won't speak to you any more.
* Your social life consists of your weekly visits to the local shrink.
* You are over 18 years of age and still pee in the public pool.
* You're still talking about that cool party you went to 2 years ago.
* You welcome calls from phone salesmen because no one else will talk to you.
* You get fired from you job at McDonalds.
* You're a part of the *Steve Urkel* fan club.
* You think that Jack Daniel's is a folk singer.
* You take a look at your last mug shot and think, "Hey, ... I'm pretty photogenic!"
* Someone tells you to go "jack off" ... so you do.
* You find that after watching one of those commercials with a mom and daughter, you begin to doubt your own freshness.... and you're a GUY.
* You can't wait to watch "Friends" because that's what they are to you.
Church Signs
"No God -- No Peace. Know God -- Know Peace."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins."
"Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!"
An ad for St.Joseph's Episcopal Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, "For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets."
When the restaurant next to the Lutheran Church put out a big sign with red letters that said, "Open Sundays," the church reciprocated with its own message: "We are open on Sundays, too."
"Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons -- come hear one!"
A singing group called "The Resurrection" was scheduled to sing at a church. When a big snowstorm postponed the performance, the pastor fixed the outside sign to read, "The Resurrection is postponed."
"People are like tea bags -- you have to put them in hot water before you know how strong they are."
"God so loved the world that He did not send a committee."
"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"
"When down in the mouth, remember Jonah. He came out alright."
"Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday."
"Fight truth decay -- study the Bible daily."
"How will you spend eternity -- Smoking or Non-smoking?"
"Dusty Bibles lead to Dirty Lives":
"Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world."
"It is unlikely there'll be a reduction in the wages of sin."
"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."
"If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns."
"If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again."
"Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon."
"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"
"Forbidden fruit creates many jams."
"In the dark? Follow the Son."
"Running low on faith? Stop in for a fill-up."
"If you can't sleep, don't count sheep. Talk to the Shepherd."
No comments:
Post a Comment