Frinds With Google?

I guess they are not making enough money, but now Google REALLY wants to be your friend so they can get more information to sell to advertisers... Aren't we just lucky?  Good thing they are already part of the Social Bubble.


More painting today.  I'm not as young as I was the last time that I did this.  I'm beat...

Magic green hat

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 3 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT. When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here's the hat. 

 

It also works at DMV. It saved me 4 hours.

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

But...don't try it at McDonald's. The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- They Walk Among Us and Many Work  Retail

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart.  The cashier rang up $46.64 charges. I gave her a fifty dollar bill.  She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favour.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again.  I gave her the money back same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..  
- Mark Twain 
    
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible 
- George Burns
   
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
   
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. 
- Mark Twain
   
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
   
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 
- Groucho Marx 
   
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
  
I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
  
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. 
- Alex Levine 
    
My luck is so bad that, if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
     
Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
    
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . 
- Joe Namath
    
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. 
- Bob Hope 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. 
- W. C. Fields 
      
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.  
- Will Rogers
   
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you. 
- Winston Churchill 
   
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
    
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
    
And the cardiologist' s diet: -  If it tastes good, spit it out.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.  I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'  'They're already buy-one- get-one-free, ' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where?'


They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.  She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?.   When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'

They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.  Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases..  The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.  She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza place I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'