Almost Expired

They should be ashamed!  The Postal Service makes (apparently) no efforts to track the origin of the pictures that are put on stamps, as this week it was determined that the picture that they used for Lady Liberty was NOT of the statue in New York harbor, but the imitation in Las Vegas.  I guess the Postal Service is an example of an imitation gubmint entity!  Let us have tremendous confidence in the people that run this gubmint entity- NOT!

Erring on the side of being conservative, I don't pay much heed to dates on foods or drugs.  Most of the time, the drugs have been used up in-time for the expiration dates.  If you had decided to be thrifty and buy the COSTCO size of aspirin, or Tylenol-equivalent, or Ibuprofen, of course, it would really depend on how many aches and pains you have had since you bought it.  I always figure that drugs start to lose their efficacy as they approach and pass the use-by date.  Food, on the other hand has dates that say how long it can be for sale on the shelf in the store.  Then there is another date.  Let's say that the date is on bread.  If I ALWAYS toast the bread, I really don't care how hard it is, but I don't like that pesky green mold.  When I see the mold, out it goes- but I continue to eat it as toast until then.  My wife, though, tends to eschew anything that is EVEN close to that date- either side.  So how about milk?  If it tastes okay, why not continue to use it ?  If it sours before or after the date, give it to Chuck! 

I is so unfortunate, but I am at the mercy of, of POLLEN!  Having taken one decongestant pill this morning that granted me only momentary composure, I have taken yet another, in the hope of relatively normal existence between sneezes....

My Next Life Backwards
I want to live my next life backwards!

You start out dead and get that out of the way right off the bat.

Then, you wake up in a nursing home feeling better every day.

When you are kicked out of the home for being too healthy, you spend several years enjoying your
retirement and collecting benefit checks.

When you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

You work 40 years or so, getting younger every day until pretty soon you're too young to work.

So then, you go to high school: play sports, date, drink, and party.

As you get even younger, you become a kid again.

You go to elementary school, play, and have no responsibilities.

In a few years, you become a baby and everyone runs themselves ragged keeping you happy.

You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, spa-like conditions: central heating, room service on tap.

Until finally... you finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case. 

What exactly is inside a Can-o-Whoopass?

Bumper-Stickers Seen On Military Bases: 

"When In Doubt, Empty The Magazine"

"Marine Sniper - You can run, but you'll just die tired!"

"Machine Gunners - Accuracy By Volume"

"Except For Ending Slavery, Fascism, Nazism and Communism, WAR has Never Solved Anything."

"U.S. Marines - Certified Counselors to the 72 Virgins Dating Club."

"U.S. Air Force - Travel Agents To Allah"

"Stop Global Whining" 



Naval Corollary: Dead Men Don't Testify.

"The Marine Corps - When It Absolutely, Positively Has To Be Destroyed Overnight"

"Death Smiles At Everyone - Marines Smile Back"

"What Do I Feel When I Kill A Terrorist? A Little Recoil"

"Marines - Providing Enemies of America an Opportunity To Die For their Country Since 1775"

"Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Anyone Who Threatens It"

"Happiness Is A Belt-Fed Weapon"

"It's God's Job to Forgive Bin Laden - It's Our Job To Arrange The Meeting"

"Artillery Brings Dignity to What Would Otherwise Be Just A Vulgar Brawl"

"One Shot, Twelve Kills - U.S. Naval Gun Fire Support "

"My Kid Fought In Iraq So Your Kid Can Party In College"

"A Dead Enemy Is A Peaceful Enemy - Blessed Be The Peacemakers"

"If You Can Read This, Thank A Teacher.. If You Can Read It In English, Thank A Veteran"

...and finally

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But the U.S. ARMED FORCES don't have that problem." 

A minister was seated next to a cowboy on a flight to Texas. After the plane was airborne, drink orders were taken. The cowboy asked for a whiskey and soda, which was brought and placed before him. The flight attendant then asked the minister if he would like a drink.

He replied in disgust, "I'd rather be savagely raped by brazen whores than let liquor touch my lips."

The cowboy then handed his drink back to the attendant and said, "Me too. I didn't know we had a choice."