Wall Street Hype

I've been thinking about New Year's resolutions.  I want to choose wisely, so that I'm successful. 
 
So tonight we watched "Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps".  After all thy hype and anticipation, this was not the movie I expected. There wasn't one particular aspect that I could point at that was lacking, except perhaps depth of the story.  We are supposed to know the characters from the first Wall Street movie, but it as though they didn't develop any further.  I was disappointed.

 

A little girl walks in to the bathroom one Sunday morning while her Dad is sitting on the stool reading the paper.

"Where does poo come from?" she asks.

The father feeling a little perturbed that his 5 year old daughter is already asking difficult questions thinks for a moment and says:

"Well you know we just ate breakfast?"

"Yes," answers the girl.

"Well the food goes into our tummies and our bodies take out all the good stuff, and then whatever is left over comes out of our bums when we go to the toilet, and that is poo."

The little girl looks perplexed, and stares at him in stunned silence for a few seconds and asks: "And Tigger?"

The P's

The preposterous pandering by probably paid posters predicting
the precipitous plunge and plummeting of precious products by
purported professionals has proven predictably premature
and profoundly psychotic.




New year's prayer for seniors

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

 

He held me firmly but gently just above my elbow and guided me into a room. I had never been there but I knew this was his room. I knew what he was going to do to me, and I knew I was going to let him. The door closed quietly and we were alone.

He approached silently from behind and spoke in a low, reassuring voice close to my ear. "Just relax."

Without warning, he reached down and I felt his strong, calloused hands start at my ankles, gently probing, and caressing upward along my tender calves slowly and steadily. My breath caught in my throat. I knew I should be afraid, but somehow I didn't care. His touch was so experienced, so sure.

When his hands moved under my skirt to my thighs I gave a slight shudder and partly closed my eyes. My pulse was pounding. His knowing fingers continued upward across my abdomen, my ribcage. And then, as he cupped my firm, full breasts in his hands, I inhaled sharply. Probing, searching, knowing what he wanted, his teasing hands quickly moved to my shoulders and slid down my tingling spine. By entire body was throbbing when he discovered my pink, lace thong.

Although I knew nothing about this man, I felt oddly trusting and expectant. "This is a man," I thought. A man used to taking charge. A man not used to taking "No" for an answer. A man who would tell me what he wanted. A man who would look into my soul and say...


"Okay all done. Here's your purse, ma'am. Have a nice flight." 

The chief of staff of the US Air Force decided that he would personally intervene in the recruiting crisis affecting all of our armed services. He directed a nearby Air Force base that will be opened and that all eligible young men and women be invited.

As he and his staff were standing near a brand new F-15 Fighter, a pair of twin brothers who looked like they had just stepped off a Marine Corps recruiting poster walked up to them. The chief of staff walked up to them, stuck out his hand and introduced himself.

He looked at the first young man and asked, "Son, what skills can you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man looks at him and says, "I'm a pilot!"

The general gets all excited, turns to his aide and says, "Get him in today, all the paper work done, everything, do it!"

The aide hustles the young man off. The general looks at the second young man and asked, "What skills to you bring to the Air Force?"

The young man says, "I chop wood!"

"Son," the general replies, "we don't need wood choppers in the Air Force, what do you know how to do?"

"I chop wood!"

"Young man," huffs the general, "you are not listening to me, we don't need wood choppers, this is the 20th century!"

"Well," the young man says, "you hired my brother!"

"Of course we did," says the general, "he's a pilot!"

The young man rolls his eyes and says, "So what! I have to chop it before he can pile it!"

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk ...
"I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”