Leftovers?

-----We all wanted our kids to have better lives than we had. Unfortunately, we spoiled them and then technology came along and made it worse.  Kids are no longer satisfied with leftovers or hand-me-downs.  "Someone might see me with it on."  "We had that for dinner yesterday..." Ever figure how long you have to work to take your family to dinner nowadays ?  It sure would be great if one of my kids would try out that equation. 
 
-----Today we drove down to Oxy to pick up Tori for winter break.  The trip was pretty uneventful, but the weather was certainly unusual.  It appears as though we were inside a cloud most of the way.  Visibility was nil plus 20 feet and the mountains were all obscured. This was very strange and eerie for this time of the year.


-----So Mark Zuckerberg is Time Magazine's Person of the Year.  I'm sorry to say that I am NOT duly impressed.  Perhaps he has accomplished a monumental task at such a young age, but the price will be only apparent after a few more years as to its somber effects.  Mechanically, I am not impressed at all by Facebook's capabilities.  Socially, I believe the risks are way too high to invest almost any of my time using it.

Southern hospitality

After having been served in a Las Vegas cocktail lounge, a real southern gentleman beckoned the waitress back and said quietly, "Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady; can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and added, "Sure, why not? You're nice lookin' too and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to my room?"

When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else, sir?"

"Why yes," replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me; it was real sweet and right neighborly, but where ah come from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need to trouble y'all for a piece uh ass for mah drink." 

Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland:
1.   BACK STRAIGHT, KNEES BENT, FEET SHOULDER-WIDTH APART.

2.   FORM A LOOSE GRIP.

3.   KEEP YOUR HEAD DOWN!

4.   AVOID A QUICK BACK SWING.

5.   STAY OUT OF THE WATER.

6.   TRY NOT TO HIT ANYONE.

7.   IF YOU ARE TAKING TOO LONG, LET OTHERS GO AHEAD OF YOU.

8.   DON'T STAND DIRECTLY IN FRONT OF OTHERS.

9.   QUIET PLEASE . . . WHILE OTHERS ARE PREPARING.

10. DON'T TAKE EXTRA STROKES.

WELL DONE . . . NOW, FLUSH THE URINAL,
WASH YOUR HANDS, GO OUTSIDE AND TEE OFF.

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed up in
their best Sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main street
hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope.

One local man has put on his best suit and he's sure the Pope
will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an
exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn't smell very
good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and says
something to the bum and then walks right by the local man.
He can't believe it, then it hits him. The pope won't talk to
him, he's concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and
feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade clothes
with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down the street
to line up for another chance for the pope to stop and talk to
him.

Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans over
close and says

"I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

An old golfer comes in from a round of golf at a new course and heads into the grill room. As he passes through the swinging doors he sees a sign hanging over the bar:
COLD BEER: $2.00
HAMBURGER: $2.25
CHEESEBURGER: $2.50
CHICKEN SANDWICH $3.50
HAND JOB: $50.00

Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment for his order, he walks up to the bar and beckons to the exceptionally attractive female bartender who is serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled golfers.

She glides down behind the bar to the old golfer. "Yes?" she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, "May I help you?"

The old golfer leans over the bar and whispers, "I was wondering, young lady," he whispers, "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?"

She looks into his eyes with that wide knowing smile and purrs: "Yes sir, I sure am."

The old golfer leans closer and into her left ear and says softly, "Well, wash your hands real good because I want a cheeseburger."

History Lesson

158 years ago, California became a state. The State had no electricity. The State had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets. So basically it was just like it is today, except the women had real tits and the men didn't hold hands.