It is very easy to see how the residents of old may have thought they were seeing ghosts when really it may have been Spanish moss that hangs from the trees, swaying in the breezes. We found out that this stuff is really not Spanish or moss, but an air fern (bromeliad) instead. It just hangs on the trees and feeds on the particles in the wind. It is not parasitic to the trees. We were told NOT to handle it as is usually contains chiggers (noseeums that bite). Interestingly enough, Henry Ford figured a way to use Spanish moss as an upholstery filler for the Model A and Model T seats. I guess there must be a way to strip away the chiggers.
The stuff is everywhere around those cities. It really adds a lot of charm.
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| Spanish Moss (Tillandsia usneoides) |
Another interesting plant is the Palmetto Palm. These are all over as well. This is the state tree of South Carolina and Florida.
There is also a local beer (actually pretty good, too).
Answering machine message at a Mental Hospital
"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline......"
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay
on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred
to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will
tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you
press, no one will answer.
If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969696.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound key
until a representative comes on the line.
If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address,
telephone number, date of birth, social security number, and your
mother's maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, s-l-o-w-l-y & c-a-r-
e-f-u-l-l-y press 0 0 0.
If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the
beep or before the beep or after the beep. Please wait for the
beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-
term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss,
press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All operators are
too busy to talk to you.
If you are menopausal, hang up, turn on the fan, lay down & cry.
You won't be crazy forever.
If you are blonde don't press any buttons, you'll just mess it
up.
A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of
him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving
him at the park.
As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.
The next day, he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away and the
same again. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!
He kept taking the cat further and further and the darn cat would
always beat him home. At last, he decided to drive a several
miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right
again and another right until he reached what he thought was a
safe distance from his home and left the cat there....
Hours later, the man calls home to his wife:
"Jen, is the cat there?"
"Yes", the wife answers..."why do you ask?"
Frustrated, the man answered: "Put that son of a bitch on the
phone, I'm lost and need directions!"
The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The
nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They
gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it.
One nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle
of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she
opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk.
Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.
Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more. Before they
knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop.
"Mother," the nuns pleaded, "Please give us some wisdom before
you die.
She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and
said, "Don't sell that cow."
Laws of Life
Murphy's First Law for Wives:
If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and
then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of
the first five.
Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation:
The less important you are to the corporation, the more your
tardiness or absence is noticed.
The Salary Axiom:
The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and
just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay.
Miller's Law of Insurance:
Insurance covers everything except what happens.
First Law of Living:
As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing,
you'll want to be doing something else.
Weiner's Law of Libraries:
There are no answers, only cross-references.
Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness:
Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food
that starts out soft will harden when stale.
The Grocery Bag Law:
The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market
is always hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag.
Lampner's Law of Employment:
When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave
work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot.
Repeat after me:
1. I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing
lists if I don't forward an e-mail.
2. I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward
an e-mail.
3. Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money and Victoria Secret
doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed
to send me.
4. Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-
mail to more than 50 people.
5. I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies
from Coca Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, or anyone else if I
send an e-mail to 10 people.
6. I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e- mail ...
NEVER -- EVER!!
7. There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am
not STUPID enough to think that someone will send me $100 for
forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!
8. There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in
England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 years old. He
is now cancer free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANY MORE
POST CARDS, or GET-WELL-CARDS.
9. The government does not have a bill in Congress called 901B
(or whatever they named it this week) that, if passed, will
enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.
10. There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colorful
flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately
after I forward an e-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!
11. The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain
individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail
address I send this to. The American Red Cross RECEIVES
donations.
12. And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending
things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't
believe in Jesus Christ. If God wants to send me a message, I
believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC
to pass it on!
Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and
send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full
moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months
and all of your hair will fall out!
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