Much ado in the news about Terry Jones and the "Burn a Quran" event. Why is it that extremists are so anxious to taunt other extremists ? I agree that the Constitution provides for his Freedom of Speech, but similar to marriage, some things are best left unsaid. The fact that this event may cause bodily harm to Americans anywhere is good enough reason to not do it. After all, aren't they doing this because of the attack on 9/11 ? Why cause it to happen again ?
I see that Piers Morgan is taking over for Larry King. I sure hope he has more patience than he does on America's Got Talent. It is yet undetermined whether the interviewees will trust Piers as much as Larry....
Teased Old Lady
Defense Attorney: What is your age? Little Old Woman: I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you?
Little Old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney: Did you know him?
Little Old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down beside you?
Little Old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?
Little Old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Abner passed away some 30 years ago.
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: Hell No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to him, just spread my old legs "Take me, young man, take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the son of a bitch!
Funny Names
Adam Baum
Adam Zapel
Al Bino
Al Dente
Al Fresco
Al K. Seltzer
Alf A. Romeo
Ali Katt
Amanda Lay (real person)
Amanda Lynn (a mandolin)
Amber Green
Andy Friese (as in antifreeze, a real race car driver)
Anita Bath, Anita Bohn, Anita Dick, Anita Friske, Anita Hanke (real person), Anita Goodman, Anita Hoare, Anita Job
Anita Knapp, Anita Lay, Anita Little, Anita Mann, Anita Mandalay, Anita Plummer, Anita Shower
Anna Graham
Anna Prentice (an apprentice)
Anna Recksiek (anorexic)
Anna Sasin
Anne Teak
Annette Curtain
Annie Howe, Annie Matter
April May (a real person I knew in high school)
April Schauer (allegedly a real person)
Aretha Holly
Armand Hammer
Art Major, Art Painter, Art Sellers
B.A. Ware
Barb Dwyer
Barb E. Dahl
Barbara Seville
Barry Cade
Bea Minor and Dee Major
Beau Archer, Beau Tye
Ben Dover, Ben Down, Eileen Dover, Skip Dover
Ben Marcata (a musical term)
Bess Eaton (donut shop chain)
Biff Wellington
Bill Board
Bill Ding
Bill Foldes
Bill Loney
Billy Rubin
Bob Apple
Bob Katz, Tom Katz, Kitty Katz
Bonnie Ann Clyde
Bonnie Beaver, MD - she's an Ob/Gyn of course!
Brad Hammer (carpenter joke)
Brandon Cattell
Brandy Anne Koch (Brandy and Coke)
Brandy D. Cantor
Brighton Early
Brock Lee
Brooke Trout
Bud Light
Bud Wieser (real college math teacher)
Buster Cherry, Buster Hyman
C. Good (alledgedly a real eye doctor)
C. Senor
C. Worthy
Cam Payne
Candace Spencer (can dispenser)
Candy Barr, Candy Baskett, Candy Kane, Candy Sweet
Cara Sterio (alleged real person)
Cara Van
Carrie Dababi ("carry the baby" - Dababi is an Egyptian name)
Carrie Oakey
Casey Macy
Cheri Pitts, Harry Pitts
Chip Munk
Chip Stone (sculptor)
Chris Coe
Chris Cross
Chris P. Bacon
Chuck U. Farley
Chuck Waggon
Claire Annette Reed
Constance Noring
Corey O. Graff
Count Dunn, Count Orff
Coyne Flatt (real person)
Craven Moorehead
Crystal Ball
Crystal Claire Waters
Crystal Glass, Crystal Snow
D. Kay, DDS
D. Liver
Dan D. Lyons
Dan Druff
Dan Saul Knight
Darren Deeds
Daryl Rhea
Dick Bender (real sports person)
Dick Burns
Dick Bush (real person)
Dick Face
Dick Finder (real name of a urologist)
Dick Head, Dick Hertz
Dick Hyman (famous jazz musician)
Dick Hunter (my junior high principal - really!)
Dick Mussell
Dick Pole (real major league baseball player)
Dick Rasch (real person)
Dick Swett
Dick Tator
Dick Trickle (real person, a NASCAR driver)
Dick Wood (real person, emailed me)
Dickson Yamada
Dilbert Pickles
Dinah Soares
Dixon, Cox, and Peters (law firm)
Don Key
Donald Duck
Donny Brook
Doris Schutt (Doris Open...)
Doug Graves
Doug Hole
Doug & Phil Updegrave (yes, this is a legitimate last name)
Doug Witherspoon
Douglas Furr
Dr. Baldock (of course he's a Urologist)
Dr. Croak
Dr. Harry C. Beaver (real OB/GYN, retired now)
Dr. Bender (Chiropracter)
Dr. Butcher
Dr. DeKay, DDS
Dr. & Dr. Doctor (real married doctors from Norwalk, CT)
Dr. E. Ville
Dr. Shelly Fingerhood (real OB/GYN)
Dr. Gass (allegedly a real anesthesiologist)
Dr. Gutstein
Dr. Hanus
Dr. Hurt (real pediatrician in Saginaw, MI)
Dr. Hymen
Dr. I. Ball (optometrist)
Dr. Kauff
Dr. Look (real opthalmologist in Hawaii)
Dr. Looney - a psychiatrist of course!
Dr. Payne (plastic surgeon in Sandusky, OH)
Dr. Pullham
Dr. Robert Fallis, real doctor who does vasectomies)
Dr. Slaughter (proof HERE, probably more with that name)
Dr. Surgeon (another real doctor from Stamford, CT)
Drew Peacock
Duane Pipe
Dusty Rhodes
Dusty Sandmann (real person, submitted by his dad Roger Sandmann)
Edna May (or may not)
Earl E. Bird
Earl Lee Riser
Easton West (and of course Weston East)
Eaton Wright and Liv Good
Ella Vader
Emma Royds
Eric Shinn
Ernie Coli (E. Coli) owns a Mexican restaurant?
Estelle Hertz (it still hurts)
Evan Keel
Faith Christian
Fanny O'Rear
Father A. Long
Ferris Wheeler
Ford Parker
Forrest Green
Dr. Frank Bonebreak (real doctor)
Gae Hooker (allegedly real surgical prep nurse)
Gaye Barr
Gaye Jolly
Gail Storm (Wendy Storm, Dusty Storm and Rory Storm)
Gene Poole
Geoff L. Tavish (Gefilte fish)
Gil Fish
Ginger Rayl, Ginger Snapp, Ginger Vitus
Gladys C. Hughes (glad to see you)
H. Wayne Carver, MD (Connecticut medical examiner who carves up dead people.)
Hamilton Burger (Ham Burger, character on the old Perry Mason TV series)
Harden Thicke
Harold Assman (and you thought that Seinfeld episode was just a joke)
Harry Armand Bach, Harry Balls, Harry Beard, Harry Beaver
Harry Caray (famous sports announcer)
Harry Chest, Harry Cox, Harry Johnson, Harry Legg, Harry Hooker, Harry P. Ness, Harry Peters, Harry Lipp, Harry Sachs
Harry R. M. Pitts
Harry Rump (a real plumber from Freemont, Maine!)
Hazle Nutt
Heidi Clare
Helen Back
Helen Waite (credit manager - if you want credit go to Helen Waite)
Herb Rice
Holly McRell
Holly Day, Holly Wood
Howie Doohan
Hugh Jass
Hugh Jorgan
Hugh Morris (a "humorous" name, thanks to Shaun Oriold)
Hy Ball
Hy Lowe, Bea Lowe
Hy Marx (scholar), Hy Price
I.D. Clair
I. Lasch
I.M. Boring
I.P. Freely, I.P. Daly
Ileane Wright, Ilene South (West, East...)
Ima Hogg (a real person, daughter of a Texas governor)
Iona Ford
Iona Frisbee (alledgedly a real person)
Iona Stonehouse (also alledgedly a real person)
Ivan Oder
Ivana Mandic (a real basketball player)
Ivy Leage
Jack Goff (my uncle - no kidding!)
Jack Haas
Jack Hammer
Jack Knoff
Jack Tupp (the perfect name for a car mechanic)
Jay Walker
Jean Poole
Jed Dye (Jedi)
Jenny Tull
Jerry Atrick
Jim Laucher (gym locker)
Jim Shorts, Jim Shu, Jim Sox
Jo King
Joe Kerr (joker)
Jordan Rivers
Joy Kil
Joy Rider
June Bugg
Justin Case, Justin Casey Howells, Justin Hale, Justin Inch, Justin Miles North (just ten miles north), Justin Time,
Kandi Apple
Kay Bull
Keelan Early (dying young) - real person who submitted his own name
Kelly Green
Kenny Penny
Kent C. Strait (an optometrist, of course!)
Kenya Dewit
Kerry Oki
King Queene
Lake Speed (a real person, NASCAR race car driver)
Lance Boyle, Lance Butts
Laura Lynne Hardy
Laura Norder (law and order)
Leigh King (leaking)
Les Moore
Les Payne - should be an anesthesiologist
Les Plack, a real dentist - proof HERE
Levon Coates
Lewis N. Clark (real person, he told me he drives an Explorer)
Lily Pond
Lina Ginster (allegedly real)
Lisa Carr, Kitty Carr, Otto Carr, Parker Carr
Lisa May Boyle, Lisa May Dye
Lois Price (bargain shopper) and her husband Hy Price
Lou Pole
Lou Zar (loser)
Lucy Fer
Luke Warm
Lynn C. Doyle
Lynn O. Liam
M. Balmer
Macon Paine (real name - Google it)
Mark Skid (Skid, Mark)
Manny Kinn
Marlon Fisher
Marsha Dimes (march of dimes)
Marsha Mellow
Marshall Law
Marty Graw
Mary Annette Woodin
Mary A. Richman
Mary Christmas
Matt Tress
Maude L.T. Ford
Max Little
Max Power
May Day
May Furst
Mel Loewe
Melba Crisp (real person who emailed me)
Melody Music
Mia Hamm (a real person)
Mike Easter
Mike Hunt
Mike Raffone
Mike Reinhart (My Cryin' Heart - sounds like it could be a country song)
Mike Rotch
Mike Stand (a real person)
Mike Sweeney (sounds as Mike's weenie), famous baseball player
Minny van Gogh
Missy Sippy (and her mom, Mrs. Sippy)
Mister Bates
Misty Waters (a real person)
Misty C. Shore (a real person), Rocky Shore, Sandy C. Shore (another real person)
Mo Lestor
Molly Kuehl
Mona Lott
Monica Monica (real person)
Morey Bund
Muddy Waters (famous blues singer, real name McKinley Morganfield)
Myles Long
Nancy Ann Cianci
Nat Sass
Neil Down, Neil Crouch
Neil McNeil (submitted by his cousin)
Nick O. Time
Noah Riddle, Noah Lott
Norma Leigh Lucid
Olive Branch
Olive Yew
Oliver Sutton (all of a sudden)
Ophelia Payne
Oren Jellow
Orson Carte
Oscar Ruitt
Otto Graf
Owen Moore, Owen Bigg (should be tax collectors)
P. Ness, A. Ness
P. Brain
Paige Turner
Park A. Studebaker
Pat Downe (a real person)
Pat McCann
Pat Hiscock
Pearl Button
Pearl E. Gates, Pearl E. White
Peg Legge
Penny Dollar, Bill Dollar (real people)
Penny Lane, Penny Nichols, Penny Profit, Penny Wise
Pepe Roni
Pete Moss and his son Forest
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