Sadie and Yetta, two widows are talking:
Sadie: "That nice Morris Finkleman asked me out for a date. I
know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with
you about him before I give him my answer."
Yetta: "Vell ... I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment
punctual like a clock. And like such a mensch he is dressed.
Fine suit, wonderful lining. And he brings me such beautiful
flowers you could die from. Then he takes me downstairs, and
what's there but such a beautiful car ... a limousine, even,
uniformed chauffeur and all.
Then he takes me out for dinner. Marvelous dinner. Lobster,
even. Den ve go see a show ... let me tell you Sadie, I enjoyed
it so much I could have just die from pleasure!
So then we are coming back to my apartment and into an ANIMAL he
turns. Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and
has his way with me two times!"
Sadie: "Oy! Vey ... so you are telling me I shouldn't go out
with him?"
Yetta: "No ... I'm just saying, vear an old dress."
Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee
(now I know why they record these conversations!)
"Computer assistance; may I help you?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
"What sort of trouble?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
went away."
"Went away?"
"They disappeared."
"Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
"Nothing."
"Nothing?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
"How do I tell?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
"What's a C: prompt?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I
type."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator?"
"What's a monitor?"
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does
it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"
"I don't know."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the
power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"
"Yes, I think so."
"Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged
into the wall."
"Yes, it is."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were
two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"
"No."
"Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find
the other cable."
"Okay, here it is."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the
back of your computer."
"I can't reach."
"Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"
"No."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because
it's dark."
"Dark?"
"Yes -the office light is off, and the only light I have is
coming in from the window."
"Well, turn on the office light then."
"I can't."
"No? Why not?"
"Because there's a power failure."
"A power... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked
now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff
your computer came in?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
"Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just
like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
bought it from."
"Really? Is it that bad?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is."
"Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?
"Tell them you're too fucking stupid to own a computer."
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking, their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said one, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy work in it, eh?" asked the other. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same
way - 'Take a clean dish."
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