I understand that Levi has come forth to marry Bristol again. This time it comes with a promise not to live with mom!
Post your Shakespalin here.... Facebook
So the latest in smuggling is monkeys. This idiot tried to smuggle eighteen monkeys under his shirt! I can only imagine that he had trouble being still, and his shirt probably wiggled a lot. What about the monkey sounds ?? How stupid (duh...) do you have to be to think that you'd get away with it ??
One day, two deputies in the Sheriff's Office answered an
emergency call at a farmhouse. When they walked in, they found
the nude bodies of a man and a woman in the bedroom. They had
been shot to death. When they went to the living room, they found
the body of a man with a gun at his side.
"No doubt about it," one deputy said to the other. "This was a
double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his wife
in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot
himself."
"You're right," the other deputy replied. "Double murder and
suicide. But I'll bet you when the sheriff gets here he's going
to say 'it could have been worse.'"
"No way. How could it be worse? There are three people in the
house, and all of them have been shot to death. It couldn't be
worse. You're on."
About that time, the sheriff arrived at the scene. He walked into
the bedroom and saw the two nude bodies. He then walked into the
living room and saw the man on the floor with the gun by his
side.
"No doubt about it," the sheriff said, shaking his head. "It was
a double murder and suicide. This guy came home and found his
wife in bed with somebody else and shot them both. Then he shot
himself."
After hesitating for a moment, the old sheriff looked his
deputies squarely in the eyes. "But, you know," he said, "it
could have been worse."
The deputy who had lost the bet jumped up and shouted, "Sheriff,
how could it have been worse? There are three people in this
farmhouse, and all three of them are dead. It couldn't have been
worse??"
"Yes it could," the sheriff replied. "You see that guy there on
the floor? If he had come home yesterday, that would be me in
there in that bed!"
On the border of Russia and Poland there's a small forest. Half
of the forest belongs to a Russian farmer, while the other half
belongs to a Polish man.
One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Russian man comes
across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and
calls his Polish neighbor.
"There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the
forest."
"How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Polish farmer
asked.
"Well," the Russian replied, "he's already chewed off three of
his legs and he's still trapped."
A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate.
Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians.
A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, “Lordy, were they ALL dead?”
The old farmer said, “Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie.”
Motto for today....pick one....
Carpe Diem - Seize the day Carpe Noctum - Seize the night
Carpin Denium - There's a fish in my pants
Carpe Ovum - Seize the egg
Cave Canem - Beware of the dog
No comments:
Post a Comment