Almost There...

Way too much shopping today for tomorrow's bash.  I'm ready to lay back and put my feet up.



We get away with naming our baby just about anything we want (i.e. "Dweezil" or "LaShimba"), but in some countries the gubmint is telling you what you can and can't name your baby:  (see Baby Dumpling ).  It seems like a small freedom for new parents to make their baby PAY FOR THEIR WHOLE LIFE by giving them an unreasonable moniker.

We went to see "Knight and Day" tonight.  I would give it a B-.  Lots of action, but a few loose ends that make you wonder how they could leave that information out...

Stump and Mahtha

So it's time for the annual Skowhegan Fair again, and Stumpy and Martha are having their same old fight as they drive down from Bangor.

"Mahtha, we ain't gettin an younga', and by gawd I'm gonna ride that airplane ride this yeah." Says Stumpy.

Martha replies, "Stumpy, that airplane ride costs ten dollahs. And ten dollahs is ten dollahs."

Stumpy says "By gawd I don't care!"

"Ten dollahs is ten dollahs..."

Stumpy, undeterred, drives right down to the airfield, where the pilot hears their arguing, "TEN DOLLAHS IS TEN DOLLAHS!"

He walks over and says "Folks, I tell you what. I'll give you the ride for FREE; but no talking... NOT a SOUND!! It's yours for free."

Stumpy and Martha agree, strap in, and the pilot proceeds to loop-d-loop, bank turn, climb, and dive at full throttle.

As he comes in to land he looks at Stumpy in the rearview, "THAT was incredible, all that and not a word from either of you!"

Stumps unbuckling his seatbelt, says, "Well, I ahlmost said somethin' when Mahtha fell out, but ten dollahs is ten dollahs..." 

"In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in 12 years, we'll be voting for plants."  - Lewis Black

"A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff." - George Carlin

You would be a redneck if:
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.

You need an estimate from your barber before you get a haircut.

The biggest fashion risk you take is which plaid you'll wear to the 4-H Fair.

You have flowers planted in a bathroom appliance in your front yard.

Your wife weighs more then your refrigerator.

You move your refrigerator and the grass underneath it has turned yellow.

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You can spit without opening your mouth.

Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

Taking a dip has nothing to do with water.

There are more than ten lawsuits currently pending against your dog.

You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

The hood and one door are a different color from the rest of your car.

You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.

You've ever shot somebody over a mall parking space.

Santa Claus refuses to let your kids sit in his lap.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

You think mud rasslin' should be an Olympic sport.

The receptionist checks the rat traps at your place of business.

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You've ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.