NEWSFLASH2: Obama says that white people don't like angry black men, so he's looking for an "ass to kick" over the Gulf crisis. The REAL culprit here is congress, the previous administration (which was certainly in bed with big oil), the Bureau of Mineral Management (more graft here), and finally the oil companies (particularly BP). So what is it that I REALLY don't understand ? Why has BP upwards of 300 times as many safety violations as the other oil companies, AND we still let them do business in our economic sphere ? Who was REALLY asleep during this one ? What certainly hurts, though, is rolling a few heads won't fix the damage that has been done- not even the damage that we know about!
Guys are helpful-
I was in Lowe's the other day pushing my cart around when I collided with a young guy pushing his cart.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my girl friend and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your girl look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
I said to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my girl friend and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
I said, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 24 years old, tall, with blond hair, big blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts, a halter top and no bra. What does your girl look like?"
I said, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours."
Most of us old guys are helpful like that.
Two women go out one weekend without their husbands. As they came
back, right before dawn, both of them drunk, they felt the urge
to pee. They noticed the only place to stop was a cemetery.
Scared and drunk, they stopped and decided to go there anyway.
The first one did not have anything to clean herself with, so she
took off her panties and used them to clean herself and discarded
them.
The second not finding anything either, thought "I'm not getting
rid of my panties..." so she used the ribbon of a flower wreath
to clean herself.
The morning after, the two husbands were talking to each other on
the phone, and one says to the other:
"We have to be on the look-out, it seems that these two were up
to no good last night, my wife came home without her panties..."
The other one responded: "You're lucky, mine came home with a
card stuck to her ass that read, "We will never forget you."
THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female definition: Any part under a car's bonnet.
Male definition: The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
LESBIAN (lez-bee-an) n.
Female: A woman who makes love to other women.
Male: A woman who has sex with other women so men can watch.
VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female: Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male: Playing soccer without shin pads.
REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female: A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male: A device for scanning through all 75 channels every 2
minutes.
COMMUNICATION (ko-muu-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female: The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's
Partner.
Male: Scratching out a note before suddenly taking off for a
weekend with The lads.
BUM (bum) n.
Female: The body part that every item of clothing manufactured
makes look bigger.
Male: The organ for mooning (and farting).
COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female: A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male: Not trying to pick up other women while out with one's
Girlfriend.
ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female: A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male: Sex!!
FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female: An embarrassing by-product of digestion.
Male: An endless source of entertainment, self-expression and
male bonding.
MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female: The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can Achieve.
Male: What women do while the man is shagging.
Mexican words of the day
1. *Cheese* The teacher told Pepito to use the word cheese in a sentence. Pepito replies: Maria likes me, but cheese fat. 2. *Mushroom* When all my family get in the car, there's not mushroom.
3. *Shoulder* My fren wanted 2 become a citizen but she didn't know how to read so I shoulder.
4. * Texas * My fren always Texas me when I'm not home wondering where I'm at!
5. *Herpes* Me and my fren ordered pizza. I got mine piece and she got herpes.
6. *July* Ju told me ju were going to tha store and July to me! Julyer!
7. *Rectum* I had 2 cars but my wife rectum!
8. *Chicken* I was going to go to the store with my wife but chicken go herself.
9. *Wheelchair* We only have one enchilada left, but don't worry wheelchair.
10. *Chicken* *wing* My wife plays the lottery so chicken wing. 11. *Harassment* My wife caught me in bed with another women and I told her honey harassment nothing to me.
12. *Bishop* My wife fell down the stair so I had to pick the bishop.
13. *Body wash* I want to go to the club but no body wash my kids.
14. *Budweiser* That women over there has a nice body, budweiser face so ugly?
No comments:
Post a Comment