Max to the Max...

Another installment in my never-ending fascination with the behavior of Max.  Terre put an old pillow under the blanket in his crate and now not only does Max harbor less anxiety to get out, he even goes in himself at bedtime!  This morning I had to literally pry him out of the crate so he would have the opportunity to do his "binness" before I left for work.  I carried him outside and gingerly deposited him on the grass.  Quickly he scrambled back to the pavers of our patio.  A long and relaxing stretch and then he proceeds to enter the garden via the gravel and between the various cactus plants and behind the bushes.  Sniffing about, he sidles up to one spot behind a bush, begins the twisting required to lift his rear leg, and then quickly aborts.  Then he sidles up to the other side.  There are first two aborts, then three, four, and on the fifth attempt, success.  He finally does his "binness" and bounces through the grass bounding to the door to return inside.  Once inside, he graciously addresses his recently filled food dish and grabs a few bites before taking his "position" on the back of the leather chair which provides the most advantageous view down the hallway to the front door.


He used to bark when we came in the front door.  Now he knows it's us, so he just watches alertly.  If a door-bell rings on TV, he gets upset and barks and runs about.  He is very protective.

When I get home from work, he starts squirming and running in circles and jumping up and down.  Either he wants his dinner or he REALLY wants a walk.  From previous observations, we came to the conclusion that he is small enough that he doesn't have room for both dinner and his "binness", so I take him quickly for a walk!

John Howard the chirpy Australian Prime Minister, flies to England for a meeting with the Queen. Over a cup of tea, Howard brings up his grand new plans for his country.

"Your Majesty, mate, can we turn Australia into a kingdom, in order to increase its force in the world market?"

The Queen shakes her head and replies, "One needs a king for a kingdom, Mr Howard and unfortunately you are most certainly not a king."

Not to be dissuaded, Johnny asks, "Would it be possible just to transform Australia into an empire then?"

"No, you chubby-faced chap," snorts the Queen, "for an empire you need an emperor, and you are most certainly not an emperor."

Howard thinks for a moment and then asks if it is possible to turn Australia into a principality.

The Queen replies, "For a principality, you need a prince, and you Mr Howard are definitely not a prince."

Pausing for a sip of her tea, Her Majesty then adds: "I don't mean to appear rude but having met both you and several other Australians, I think Australia is perfectly suited as a country."

Given that Al Gore has no job, he decided to take a sightseeing
vacation to Europe. While visiting England, he is invited to tea
with the Queen.

He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it
is to surround herself with intelligent people. He asks how she
knows if they're intelligent. "I do so by asking them the right
questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

She phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister. Please
answer this question: "Your mother has a child, and your father
has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is
it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs
up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Gore?"

"Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Upon returning home, he decides he'd better put some of his old
friends to the test. He calls Bill Clinton and says, "Hi, Bill, I
wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, Al. What's on your mind?"

"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and
this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Clinton hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and
get back to you?" Gore agrees, and Clinton hangs up.

Clinton immediately calls members of his old staff, and they
puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come
up with an answer.

Finally, in desperation, Clinton calls Colin Powell at the State
Department and explains his problem. "Now look here, your mother
has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not
your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course, you idiot."

Much relieved, Clinton rushes back to call Gore and exclaims, "I
know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Gore replies in disgust, "Wrong, it's Tony Blair."

In Church One Day...

One day Mr. Jones went to have a talk with the minister at his church. "Reverend," he said, "I have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?"

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this pin with you. I'll be able to tell when she's sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the pin."

In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "...And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.

"Jesus!" cried Mrs. Jones as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the pin.

"Yes, you are right, Mrs. Jones," said the minister.

Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed her dozing. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Mr. Jones.

"God!" cried out Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin once again. "Right again, Mrs. Jones," said the minister, smiling and continuing his sermon.

Before long, Mrs. Jones dozed off again. However, this time the minister didn't notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to wake his wife again.

He was just sticking his wife with the pin again when the minister asked, "...And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Mrs. Jones shrieked, "You stick that damned thing in me one more time and I'll break it off and shove it up your ass