So a week ago Wednesday, my wife was throwing a Bunco party for eleven other women. I brought in the card tables and chairs and tried to be as helpful as I could before my self-banishment to the bedroom. I was sent to the fridge in the garage to get some appetizers that my wife bought that day at Trader Joe's. They were Mexican style "something-or-others" and were supposed to be accompanied by guacamole, which she also purchased. Well, when she came home, she must have had a lot in her hands that was to go in that fridge, because I couldn't find the guacamole.
Now being a "blind" man that couldn't find my way out of a paper bag, she accompanied me to the garage and the guacamole was nowhere to be found in the fridge. I suggested that we look in the car, since maybe it was overlooked and not put away, but it wasn't there. It was about 5:30 and people were coming at 6:30, so the race was on. I offered to drive to Trader Joe's and fetch replacement guac, but first we had to look at the receipt. It clearly showed that she had paid for it, but where was it. She called Trader Joe's and the manager said that this happens occasionally and he would send someone over with a couple of packages, right away.
Two bored casino dealers are waiting at a craps table. A very attractive brunette comes in and wants to bet ten thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice. She says, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm not wearing a top."
With that said she pulls off her top and rolls the dice while screaming, "Momma needs a new blouse." She then begins jumping up and down and hugging each of the dealers.
"YES! I win - I win." She grabs up her money and top and quickly leaves the table.
The dealers just stare at each other dumbfounded. Finally one of them asks, "What did she roll anyway?"
The other answers, "I thought you were watching!"
A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway, when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye. It says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 10 Miles. He thinks it was just a figment of his imagination and drives on without a second thought. Soon, he sees another sign which says Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution 5 Miles and realizes that these signs are for real. When he drives past a third sign saying Sisters of Mercy House of Prostitution Next Right, his curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive.
On the far side of the parking lot is a somber stone building with a small sign next to the door reading SISTERS OF MERCY. He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks "What may we do for you, my son?" He answers "I saw your signs along the highway, and was interested in possibly doing business."
"Very well, my son. Please follow me." He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door,and tells the man "Please knock on this door." He does as he is told and this door is answered by another nun in a long habit and holding a tin cup.This nun instructs "Please place $50 in the cup, then go through the large wooden door at the end of this hallway." He gets $50 out of his wallet and places it in the second nun's cup.
He trots eagerly down the hall and slips through the door, pulling it shut behind him. As the door locks behind him, he finds himself back in the parking lot, facing another small sign:
Go in Peace, You Have Just Been Screwed by the Sisters of Mercy.
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