TGIF again....

The week went by like lightning.  The trip to Dallas and back amped up the pace for the week.  Much accomplished and still much to do, both home and at work.... but thank goodness it's Friday!


A woman went to a pet shop & immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.

'Why so little,' she asked the pet store owner.

The owner looked at her and said, 'Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.'  

The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird any way.

She took it home and hung the bird's cage up in her living room and waited for it to say something.  The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, 'New house, new madam.'

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought 'that's really not so bad.'

When her teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, 'New house, new madam, new girls.'

The girls and the woman were a bit offended, but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work.

The bird looked at him and said,

 'Hi Keith'  

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I'm halfway through my fish sandwich and I realize, Oh my God...I could be eating a slow learner!"
- Lynda Montgomery

And from George Carlin...
If you choke a smurf, what color does it turn?
If a no-armed man has a gun, is he armed?
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
If firefighters fight fires and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
If you put a slinky on an escalator, would it go forever?
If all babies are cute why are there so many ugly people in the world?
What's another word for thesaurus?
If you cross a four leaf clover with poison ivy, would you get a rash of good luck?
Who is more foolish, the fool, or the fool who follows him?
When Dr. Kevorkian watches ER does he root against the doctors?
Why do they have Braille number pads at drive-through bank machines?
Is it ok to go door-to-door selling "No Soliciting" signs?
If it was a 3 hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes?
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift?
If a book about failures doesn't sell, is it a success?
Why is back pain medication always on the bottom shelf?
If talk is cheap, why is my phone bill so high?
If someone comes up to you and tells you that they're an obsessive compulsive liar, how do you know they're telling the truth?
How can you tell if Don King is having a bad hair day?
Should bankruptcy lawyers expect to be paid?
If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how do you know if it's wrong?
Do bleached blondes just pretend to have more fun?
Did the early settlers ever go on camping trips?
Why are the other lines always moving faster-until you get into one of them?
How can a person get a life sentence & be eligible for parole in 15 years?

 




Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire...
The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire.
With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam.
She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long.
And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment,she thought, "It's too big"
- it will never fit!"
Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her.
As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more.
She would want to do it again and again and again............DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?