A new era begins...

There hasn't been any blog entries for a while because I have been so busy AND I wanted to be able to post something positive [this has become a necessity for me since negativity breeds depression and I didn't need anymore of that].

About two weeks ago the President and CEO of the company that I have been contracting with went for a jog and didn't return.  This very nice and smart man of 49 years liked to run on trails and must have (I don't know the actual details) had a heart attack where there was no help available.  This definitely put a dark gloom over everyone that knew him and that I worked with.

I was expecting (someday) to maybe interview with him about a position at this company.  At that point, I had no idea what my future held for me.

The CTO and one of the founders of the company stepped in and took control.  This guy is very intelligent technically and also has a track record for success with at least two previous ventures locally.

A week ago last Wednesday, he and the Senior Technologist pulled chairs up to where I was working and inquired whether I would like a position as a manufacturing software developer, and pass the software quality assurance to somebody else.  I agreed (in principle) and had an offer in my hand by the next day.  The offer was very good and put me very close to where I was at my previous job, AND provided a piece of the company that would vest in a year.  Not only was I overwhelmed by the offer from out of the blue, but jumped at a chance to be a developer again AND be part of an exciting new venture that is very quick moving.  It is becoming very successful in a hurry.

As of last Monday, I am a regular employee.  Let me tell you how very close I was to applying for unemployment again.  In California, we are only entitled to six months of coverage, then we have to wait six months before we can apply again.  I had been unemployed for just under a year.

The employment picture is gloomy locally (to say the least).  The types of businesses that I have experience within, have dwindled to very, very few.  Since they depend on defense dollars, which are being pinched by the current government trending to end wars (at least the existing ones).  It got to the point that I was no longer worried about not getting responses from companies that I applied to, but more trying to find positions to apply for.  I expanded my range from Camarillo to VAFB, but it only added a few options, and if the panned out, it would mean a serious commute.

On Monday, the CEO (who I report to) outlined a new software project for a manufacturing cell that I would be working on. [This is fun stuff!]  Working for a commercial company now means that the customer base and trade shows are pushing our schedule instead of government contracts.

Another cool aspect is that when we determine that we have a need, we go buy it (if local) or order it online.  There are no requisitions to fill out.  BTW, there are no timecards or charge numbers either.  Verrry interesting!

Shopping
My husband had reluctantly agreed to come shopping with me. But when he found himself stuck in a lingerie shop while I tried on one garment after another, he regretted his decision. Impatient and bored he asked a salesclerk, "Is there anything in the store for men?"

"Sir," she said, "everything in this store is for men."

Map
Before heading out on a family hike, we stood at the trailhead reviewing map pinned to a bulletin board. A red arrow on the map that said "You are here" caught my six year old's attention. Pointing to it he asked. "How do they know that?"

 

Names
"Nice dog. What's its name?" I asked my friend's 10-year old son.

"Bob," he said.

"And what's your cat's name?"

"Bob."

"Well, how do you keep them straight?" I asked.

"Well, one is Bob Cat and the other is Bob Barker," the boy answered.

"Go ahead and tell him your rabbit's name," his father suggested.

The kid smiled and said... "Dennis Hopper."

Falling Apart
There's quite an art to falling apart ....
as these years go by.
And life Doesn't begin at 40 ....
That's a Big Fat Lie!

My hair's gettin' thinner ....
my Body is Not.
The few Teeth I have ....
are beginning to Rot!

I smell of Vick's-Vapo-Rub ....
Not Chanel #5.
My new Pacemaker's all ....
that keepin' me alive!

When asked of my past ....
Every Detail I'll know.
But what was I doin' ....
just 10 minutes ago?

Well, you get the Idea ....
what More can I say?
I'm off to read the Obits ....
like I do every Day.

If my name is not there ....
I'll once again Start -
Perfecting the Art ....
Of Falling Apart!

But til' That Last Curtain ....
Decides to Fall,
I'm gonna' have ....
Myself a Ball!

Making it work...

So we had our little midterm elections and you were all instructed to "throw the bums out".  At this point, since we had a "wave" election, it appears as though some of you listened.  It is still undetermined as to exactly whether the correct set of bums were thrown out.  Methinks, the bounty was mixed, so obviously we all have different perspectives on who the bums are.  The next two years will show us how right or how wrong our choices were, so PAY ATTENTION!

Meanwhile, time is marching along into the Christmas season. It is extremely difficult to actually fathom that, as we are still having summer weather, and there doesn't appear (in the foreseeable future) that it will change very much.

On the home front, we have been experiencing a "cleansing" of all of the experienced appliances and hardware in our house.  First the sprinkler timer, then the washer and dryer, then the front door handle/lock, then the fridge and yesterday I replaced the garbage disposal.  Soon we will have totally refreshed all of the items in our house that we did not expect to give up the ghost so soon.

Everything now has a planned obsolescence timetable.  Most of the items are disposable rather than repairable.  Those of us that do get them repaired, quickly find out that other repairs will be needed soon after, or the cost of repair makes no sense, as it is almost the cost of replacement.  What a world they have painted us into...

 TEMPERATURE
A CEO-type was in the hospital, being treated for a minor deal. For a week he'd made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating all the staff, shouting orders and demanding attention, complaining about the food, the bed, the temperature, the weather. Typical big shot.

One morning a nurse's helper entered the room, saying, "Time to take your temperature, sir."

After growling that she was disturbing his nap, the guy finally opened his mouth for the thermometer.

"Sorry, sir," said the nurse, "but for this test we need your temperature from the other end."

After bitching about the embarrassment and inconvenience, the guy finally rolled over and bared his butt. After the nurse finished, she said, "Stay exactly like that and don't move. I'll be back in five minutes to check up on you."

The nurse left, leaving the door ajar. The guy's back is to the door, and for over an hour, he hears people wandering up and down the hall, laughing. At length the guy's doctor entered the room, saw the guy with his bare butt in the air and gawked. Finally, he asks, "What's going on here?"

The guy barks, "Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"

"Not with a daffodil."

You know you are a redneck if...
1. You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

2. You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a flyswatter.

3. Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

4. You burn your yard rather than mow it.

5. You think the "Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive

6. The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

7. You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

8. You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

9. You come back from the dump with more than you took there.

10. You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

11. Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

12. Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

13. You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

14. You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

15. You! go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

16. You know how many bales of hay your car will hold.

17. You have a rag for a gas cap.

18. Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.

19. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.

20. You can spit without opening your mouth.

21. You consider your license plate personalized because your father made it.

22. Your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.

23. You have a complete set of salad bowls and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side.

24. The biggest city you've ever been to is Walmart.

25. Your working TV sits on top of your non-working TV.

26. You've used your ironing board as a buffet table.

27. A tornado hits your neighborhood and does $100,000.00 worth of improvements.

28. You've used a toilet brush to scratch your back.

29. You missed your 5th grade graduation because you were on jury duty.

30. You think fast food is hitting a deer at 65 mph.

Buying Fabric

Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?"

"Only one kiss per yard, " replied the smirking male clerk.

"That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards."

With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly.

The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old man standing beside her. "Grandpa will pay the bill," she smiled.

Funny Signs
At a Santa Fe gas station: "We will sell gasoline to anyone in a glass container."

In a New York restaurant: "Customers who consider our waitresses uncivil ought to see the manager."

On the wall of a Baltimore estate: "Trespassers will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law. --Sisters of Mercy"

On a long-established New Mexico dry cleaners: "38 years on the same spot."

In a Los Angeles dance hall: "Good clean dancing every night but Sunday."

In a Florida maternity ward: "No children allowed."

In a New York drugstore: "We dispense with accuracy."

In the offices of a loan company: "Ask about our plans for owning your home."

In a New York medical building: "Mental Health Prevention Center"

On a New York convalescent home: "For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church."

On a Maine shop: "Our motto is to give our customers the lowest possible prices, and workmanship."

At a number of military bases: "Restricted to unauthorized personnel."

On a display of "I love you only" Valentine cards: "Now available in multi-packs."

In the window of a Kentucky appliance store: "Don't kill your wife. Let our washing machine do the dirty work."

In a funeral parlor: "Ask about our layaway plan."

In a clothing store: "Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks."

In a Tacoma, Washington men's clothing store: "15 men's wool suits, $10. They won't last an hour!"

On a shopping mall marquee: "Archery Tournament -- Ears pierced"

Outside a country shop: "We buy junk and sell antiques."

In the window of an Oregon store: "Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?"

In a Maine restaurant: "Open 7 days a week and weekends."

In the vestry of a New England church: "Will the last person to leave please see that the perpetual light is extinguished."

In a Pennsylvania cemetery: "Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves."

On a roller coaster: "Watch your head."

On the grounds of a public school: "No trespassing without permission."

On a Tennessee highway: "When this sign is under water, this road is impassable."

Similarly, in front of a New Hampshire car wash: "If you can't read this, it's time to wash your car."

And apparently, somewhere in England in an open field otherwise untouched by human presence, there is a sign that says, "Do not throw stones at this sign."

Owed Two A Spell Chequer

Eye halve a spelling chequer,
it came with my pea sea.
It plainly marques, four my revue,
miss steaks eye kin knot sea.

Eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say,
Weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.

As soon as a mist ache is maid,
it nose bee fore two long.
And eye can put the error rite
it's rare lea ever wrong.

Eye have run this poem threw it,
I am shore your pleased two no.
Its letter perfect awl the weigh,
my chequer tolled me sew.

Halloween Rainout

Things have been going better than "swell" on both of my positions, and my free time is filled with all of my household duties.  Lately, the appliances and home hardware have been giving up.  So far, replaced the washer and dryer, home computer, microwave oven, front door lock and handle, and most recently, the fridge.  We managed to get a very good deal at the end of the model year on a floor model, about half-price. 

We scoured that fridge to be sure there were no damages, since it was sitting on the showroom floor for about a month.  We didn't find any damage.  I casually mentioned to the salsman that I would cover my hardwood floors when the delivery occurred.  He said not too worry because they use a dolly with soft inflated tires.

The delivery showed up and the fridge had a new scratch on the handle.  Apparently they did not protect it while it was in the truck. They are sending me a new handle to replace it.

They did not show up with the aforementioned special dolly, so it was good that I covered the path to/from the kitchen with cardboard for the delivery.  Interestingly enough, the deliveryman commented that it was a good idea so that his dolly would leave marks or scratches on the floor.

Why should I believe anything that the salesman said?  Aren't they basically on par with car salesmen?

Well, Halloween came and went very fast, as we received about an inch and a half of rain that evening.  We have a lot of candy left over.  I'm glad the little kids (which matter more in this case) come out very early, in fact before the rain...

Interesting Facts
If you toss a penny 10000 times, it will not be heads 5000 times, but more like 4950. The heads picture weighs more, so it ends up on the bottom.

The glue on Israeli postage stamps is certified kosher.

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie.

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilico

volcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.

Hydroxydesoxycorticosterone and hydroxydeoxycorticosterones are the largest anagrams.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

Ben and Jerry's send the waste from making ice cream to local pig farmers to use as feed. Pigs love the stuff, except for one flavor: Mint Oreo.

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.

Wilma Flintstone's maiden name was Wilma Slaghoopal, and Betty Rubble's Maiden name was Betty Jean Mcbricker.

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great pharaoh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

Dueling is legal in Paraguay as long as both parties are registered blood donors.

The characters Bert and Ernie on Sesame Street were named after Bert the cop and Ernie the taxi driver in Frank Capra's "Its A Wonderful Life."

It was discovered on a space mission that a frog can throw up. The frog throws up it's stomach first, so the stomach is dangling out of it's mouth. Then the frog uses it's forearms to dig out all of the stomach's contents and then swallows the stomach back down again.

The phrase "rule of thumb" is derived from an old English law which stated that you couldn't beat your wife with anything wider than your thumb.

Turkey Survival
When I was a young turkey, new to the coop, My big brother Mike took me out on the stoop,

Then he sat me down, and he spoke real slow, And he told me there was something that I had to know;

His look and his tone I will always remember, When he told me of the horrors of ..... Black November;

"Come about August, now listen to me, Each day you'll be thick, where once you were thin, And you'll grow a big rubbery thing under your chin.

"And then one morning, when you're warm in your bed, In'll burst the farmer's wife, and hack off your head;

"Then she'll pluck out all your feathers so you're bald'n pink, And scoop out all your insides and leave ya lyin' in the sink,

"And then comes the worst part" he said not bluffing, "She'll spread your cheeks and pack your rear with stuffing".

Well, the rest of his words were too grim to repeat, I sat on the stoop like a winged piece of meat,

And decided on the spot that to avoid being cooked, I'd have to lay low and remain overlooked;

I began a new diet of nuts and granola, High-roughage salads, juice and diet cola,

And as they ate pastries, chocolates and crepes, I stayed in my room doing Jane Fonda tapes,

I maintained my weight of two pounds and a half, And tried not to notice when the bigger birds laughed;

But 'twas I who was laughing, under my breath, As they chomped and they chewed, ever closer to death;

And sure enough when Black November rolled around, I was the last turkey left in the entire compound;

So now I'm a pet in the farmer's wife's lap; I haven't a worry, so I eat and I nap,

She held me today, while sewing and humming, And smiled at me and said "Christmas is coming........"