Stigma?

I have come to the conclusion that my resume is not doing its job, and therefore I have enhanced it with much of the specifics that were removed to make the proponents of today's HR happy.  Keywords must be added back to deal with the application scanners to raise the "fit" percentage.

Also I am beginning to believe in stigma.  Perhaps my last employer has inadvertently stigmatized my experiences such that other companies are reluctant to react to my resume other than to ignore it.  I am very well trained by my former employer, to the point that the correct way to perform has become second nature.  That is unfortunately how every employer works - NOT.

Performing in the correct way and safest way is not necessarily the CHEAPEST means to accomplish the job, but the risks are very high to perform less than one's best.

I have (almost) successfully reinvented myself into another realm of the manufacturing world.  Not until this process began did I realize the real parallels between defense related, space related, and medical device manufacturing.  I am currently past three phone interviews with medical device manufacturers and hope to do a face-to-face interview soon.  This has been a gut wrenching experience, to apply new terms and methodologies to tried and true ones that I am used to, AND be believable- at least on the phone.  We shall (soon I hope) see how this process is working out...

On another note: Isn't it so very interesting how the Tea Party candidates are all losing elections?  And, isn't it also so very interesting about all the crap raising the surface regarding Hillary?  I wouldn't put it past either the Tea Partiers or the regular Republicans to have stirred up Monica in time for the pre-election "raise awareness of bad things in the past lives of Democrats"....  Interesting times we live in...

Blonde Interview
The executive was interviewing a young blonde for a position in his company. He wanted to find out something about her personality so he asked, "If you could have a conversation with someone, living or dead, who would it be?"

The blonde quickly responded, "The living one."

How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said ...in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
_______________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
_________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No..
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

On the Windows CD
Recently one of my friends, a computer wizard, paid me a visit. As we were talking I mentioned that I had recently installed Windows on my PC, I told him how happy I was with this operating system and showed him the Windows CD. Too my astonishment and distress he threw it into my micro-wave oven and turned it on. I was upset because the CD had become precious to me, but he said 'Do not worry, it is unharmed.'

After a few minutes he took the CD out, gave it to me and said 'Take a close look at it.' To my surprise the CD was quite cold and it seemed to have become thicker and heavier than before. At first I could not see anything, but on the inner edge of the central hole I saw an inscription, in lines finer than anything I have ever seen before. The inscription shone piercingly bright, and yet remote, as if out of a great depth:

4F6E65204F5320746F2072756C65207468656D20616C6C2C 204F6E65204F5320746F2066696E64207468656D2C0D0A4F 6E65204F5320746F206272696E67207468656D20616C6C20 616E6420696E20746865206461726B6E6573732062696E64 207468656D

'I cannot read the fiery letters,' I said.

'No,' he said, 'but I can. The letters are Hex, of an ancient mode, but the language is that of Microsoft, which I shall not utter here. But in common English this is what it says"

'One OS to rule them all, One OS to find them, One OS to bring them all and in the darkness bind them...."

Rapid Closure

Well, not having "medical device experience" WAS enough of a reason to lose the possibility of consideration beyond a phone interview.  I will not be called in for a face-to-face interview.  Although I prepared for two days for the phone interview, none of the expected questions were covered in the allotted hour.  The interviewed was wrapped-around-the-axle on a singular topic for at least half of the allotted hour.  After that topic was beat to death, the remaining questions were easy and basically related to leadership style.  When all was said an done, I did have the impression that I handled the interview well enough to be called in.

Since I was working through a recruiter, she called in for the guy's response and then informed me.  Otherwise I would have probably been hung out to dry as in the past.

Incidentally, back on March 20 I had an interview in-person with another company which lasted five and half hours.  The grilling was horrendous, but I really liked the two positions that they had open and figured it was worthwhile.  Today (almost two months later), I finally got closure. I received a thanks-but-no-thanks email.  It is almost like someone that puts off accepting an invitation thinking that they may get a better offer for the same time period.  I feel like I had been put off until the position was filled, on the off chance they would find someone that fit their requirements better.  This is no way to run a business...

Meanwhile, back to square one....

Mother's Wedding Dress
A couple was getting married, and it was only three days before the wedding. The bride calls her mother with some bad news. "Mom," she says, "I just found out that my fiance's mother has bought the exact same dress as you to wear to the wedding."

The bride's mother thinks for a minute. "Don't worry," she tells her daughter. "I'll just go and buy another dress to wear to the ceremony."

"But mother," says the bride, "that dress cost a fortune. What will you do with it? It's such a waste not to use it."

"Who said I won't use it?" her mother asked. "I'll just wear it to the rehearsal dinner."

A week in only three days...STRESS

Let me explain what re-staining a pergola in 90+ degrees turns into... My hat only holds back part of the rivulets (love that word) of perspiration long enough for the flies to stop by for a drink and a quick dip.  I am actually spending more time swatting flies and wiping my brow than staining the wood.  The stain is an opaque one and it basically is hardening as I am putting it on.  If I stop, the brush will stick to the surface.  So much for that and it NOT being recommended...  Unfortunately, I am going nuts at home and need to have that feeling of accomplishment somehow.

Impersonal as it has become, working with a caring and friendly recruiter is definitely better than navigating the iceberg channels of HRdom.  I now have someone to talk to, provide guidance and smack me with the reality that only 2% of applicants ever get the job they apply for. So basically, I am covered no matter what happens.  

She has had me add meat to the bones of my stripped down resume.  It originally approached four pages and was stripped to one and a half.  Now it is fluffed out to two full pages and "speaks volumes" about me. [I hope that is good...].  She has also provided me with the information that I need to ace the phone interview that we managed to wangle with the expanded resume.  It is coming up tomorrow, and I am a bit nervous as the position is a stretch [not on my capabilities, though] into the medical device arena.  My background is about 99% military, space and defense related.  It is a big jump, especially into the FDA approval arena.

I have been very careful to be truthful in my resume and only emphasize the shining examples of my career.  Fortunately, every piece of straw I have worked with has turned to gold, well at least silver...

Drill Instructor 
A drill instructor was yelling at a new recruit.
He was all up in this guy's face, their noses less than an inch apart.
He screamed at the recruit, "You hate me don't you?!?"
The recruit responded as calmly as possible, "Sir, no sir."
The instructor yelled back, "You're going to unrinate on my grave if you outlive me, aren't you?!?"
The recruit retorted, "Sir, no way. When I get out of the service, I will not wait in line for anything! Sir."

Road Rage

A man noticed he was being tailgated by a stressed-out woman on a busy boulevard. Suddenly, the light turned yellow, just in front of him. Not wanting to let the crazed woman push him, he stopped at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by flooring it.

The tailgating woman slammed on her brakes, then her horn, screaming in frustration as she missed her chance to get through the intersection with him. As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer.

The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up. He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a cell. After a couple of hours, the jailer approached the cell and opened the door. She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

"I'm sorry for this mistake," he says. "You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping the guy off in front of you, and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk."

"Yeah, so?" she says.

"Naturally," he concluded, "I assumed you had stolen the car."

Military Medical Clinic

During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt, he asked me what my husband did.

When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."

The Final Solution

I recently read that most HR personnel are going to soon be out of a job, as the function is expected to be farmed out.  This, of course, is due to its lack of ROI and (IMHO) its obvious inefficacy.  Having dealt with them very recently, I can understand why businesses believe that they are unnecessary and a drag on overhead which produces no revenue.  I remember when customer service representatives went in the same direction.  Someone in corporate America decided that they could live with single sales rather than repeat business.  Supporting your customers turns out to be the most dependable way to keep them.  Sending support personnel to India hasn't helped anyone's bottom line- for long.

Under the category of "everyone needs to get their two cents commission"...:  There are employment listings that list listings of other employment listers, that list employment listings of other employment listers... and so on.  Once filling out an application that went four companies deep before getting to the actual company, where the job had already been filled!  I run into similar situations of website knots that appear Gordian in nature.

Testing for Development-Archetypes
Nobody can deny that the goal of software development is to produce the highest quality product possible. The only way to ensure that quality is through extensive testing.

Therefore, the following testing programs will be implemented as additions to the regularly scheduled regression testing:

Aggression Testing: Punching all developers with an open bug.

Confession Testing: All developers must admit what they either cannot do or have blown off.

Digression Testing: Developers and analysts must change the subject and ramble when the topic of bugs comes up.

Repression Testing: All developers must tell everyone who they secretly want to kill.

Oppression Testing: All developers will be required to work 24 hours a day until all bugs are fixed.

Depression Testing: All developers must explain which bugs make them sad, and why.

Succession Testing: Developers must be able to name the chain of command in the event that a PM dies.

Hessian Testing: QA will be redone by German mercenaries.

Joe Pescian Testing: All functions to be tested by a hot-headed Mafioso.

Please see your PM to get your testing schedule.

Overheard in a computer shop...
Customer: “I'd like a mouse mat, please.”

Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.”

Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

Moving on to search for progress...somewhere...

So moving on with mixed feelings, I feel some resentment and disbelief.  I was a perfect fit for the job that was not offered to me.  I feel that it was due to my age.  I would really like to ask, but I don't believe that they would be honest with me.  If it were due to discrimination, they would be open to suit.  I certainly don't know what I can do to remedy this.  I have enhanced my resume and LinkedIn page to obscure dates and focus on achievements.  Apparently, that wasn't enough.  I was one of four applicants for two openings.  The job was very desirable, so I'm sure that I wasn't first choice and that the first offered accepted the position.

I have decided to stretch myself into positions that are really undesirable, because of what they entail or the fact that there is a commute involved.  The really unfortunate fact is that I have to be ready to accept less remuneration as well.  This is certainly not what I expected to have to do during my last years of work before retirement.  This does mean, however that retirement (given good health) has been potentially postponed for as long as they'll have me, if ever.

New twist on an old joke...
In Just 20 Seconds, You’re About To Completely Change Your Entire View On Pretty Much Everything.

Growing up is a weird notion to wrap your mind around. As you go through life, your perspectives on almost everything will change. How you define success will change as well. Things that you thought were important at the age of 35 will be useless when you’re 65. You may not realize it now, but everything will shift.

Don’t believe us?

At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12 success is having friends.
At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
At age 20 success is having sex.
At age 35 success is having money.
At age 50 success is having money.
At age 60 success is having sex.
At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
At age 75 success is having friends.
At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.


It all comes full circle, whether you like it or not.