More Privacy Erosion...

So even when I buy something in person, I am giving up some privacy.  Some retailers are trying to send purchase receipts via email instead of giving a printed receipt.  This means, of course, that they have my email address AND what I bought as a start for focused marketing- all with the guise of going green- saving a tree, et cetera.  We'd actually be better off if we didn't get a receipt!  Our privacy is being eroded by ever so small amounts and eventually we won't have any...

The Louisiana State Police had received numerous reports of illegal cockfights being held in the area around Abbeville and had sent their famous Detective Boudreaux from Thibodeaux to investigate.
Boudreaux promptly began his investigation and then reported to his Commander the next morning.
"Dey is tree main groups involve in dis rooster Fightin", he began.

"Good work! Who are they?" the Commander asked.

Boudreaux replied confidently, "De Texas Aggies, de local Cajuns, and de Mafia from N'awlins".

Puzzled, the Commander asked, "Now Boudreaux, how did you find all that out in one night?"

"Well," he replied, "I went down and done seen dat rooster fight in person. And I knowed immedjiately dat dem Aggies was involved when a Duck was entered in the fight."

The Commander nodded, "I'll buy that. But what about the others?"

Boudreaux nodded knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns was involved when sum_body bet on de duck!"

"Ah, I see, I see....." sighed the sergeant, "And how did you figure the Mafia was involved?"

"De duck won.” 

Texan Answer to Welfare

There are people who genuinely are totally unable to work & need government assistance. This isn’t for them. This is for those I recently heard called "government handout addicts."

From: Waco Tribune Herald, Waco , TX

Put me in charge of :

FOOD STAMPS. Get rid of Lone Star cards; no cash
for Ding Dongs or Ho Ho's, just money for 50-pound bags of rice, beans, cheese & all the powdered milk you can haul away. If you want steak & frozen pizza, then get a job.

MEDICAID. Get women birth control & men condoms (for free). Test
recipients for drugs, alcohol, & nicotine, document all tattoos &
piercings. If you want to reproduce or use drugs, alcohol, smoke or get tats and piercings, then get a job.

GOVERNMENT HOUSING. Ever live in military barracks?
You will maintain our property in a clean and good state of repair. Your “home" will be subject to inspections anytime and possessions will be inventoried. If you want a plasma TV or Xbox 360, then get a job and your own place.

Either present a check stub from a job weekly or
report to a "government" job. It may be cleaning the roadways of
trash, painting & repairing public housing, whatever we find for you.. We will sell your 22 inch rims & low profile tires, your blasting stereo & speakers and put that money toward the common good.

Realize that all of this is voluntary. If you want our money, accept our rules... Before you say this would be "demeaning" and ruin "self esteem," consider that taking someone else's money for doing absolutely nothing is demeaning and lowers self esteem.

If we are expected to pay for other people's mistakes we should at least attempt to make them learn from their bad choices, instead of rewarding them for continuing to make bad choices.

AND while on Govt subsistence, you no longer can VOTE! Yes that
is correct. It would be a conflict of interest. You will voluntarily remove yourself from voting while you are receiving a Govt welfare check. If you want to vote, then get a job.

Sarah Plain Quiet?

Notice how quiet Sarah Palin has been lately?  It appears as though another Bat CHain Puller, Michelle Bachmann is making enough "pay attention to GOP candidates" news that the formerly "G"OP doesn't currently need "Igniter" Palin to operate.  Will Palin still decide to run, and provide us with the "girl-ongirl" mudslinging that we all want to read?  Does Bachmann even have a CHANCE to get the nomination given her extremisms?  Stay tuned...

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 
Kidnappers are not very interested in you. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.

People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

You can live without sex but not your glasses.

You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.

You sing along with elevator music.

Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.

Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

The Paradigms Shift: Another Era Ends

The Shuttles' last launch. This is definitely the end of an era.  Not only have we left the future of space exploration up-in-the-air (so to speak), but we are dependent on the Russians to support the space station.  It just injures my American pride to be dependent.

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale begins 'Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit!...

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:
On Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap.
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost.
On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head.
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down.
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery.
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: may cause drowsiness.
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning keep out of children.
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts.
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

Someone Flunked Presentation 101....

An immature, inexperienced and uneducated geek can't make a viable presentation.  Hmmmmm, I wonder why people are expecting any more from Zuck?  Why isn't he paying a s=huge salary to someone to create one for him ?

So the current generation is beginning to use watches again instead of looking at their panacean smart phone.  I am truly amazed!

A young cowboy from Amarillo goes off to Texas A&M. Half way through the semester, having foolishly
squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Old Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do I get Old Blue in that program?"

"Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says"and I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000.

About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home.
"So how's Old Blue doing son?" his father asks.

"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this -- they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!"

"Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue in that program?"

"Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives. But our hero has a problem.

At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.

When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited.

"Where's Old Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!"

"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left College Station to drive home, Old Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does".

"Then Old Blue turned to me and asked, so, is your daddy still messing around with that little redhead who lives down the street?"

The father went white and exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!"

"I sure did, Dad!"

"That's my boy!"

The kid went on to law school, and now serves in Washington D.C. as a Congressman .

If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility ....

Q: 'Officer --- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'
A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'
A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'
A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'
A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'
A: 'Yes, sir, .. I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'
A: 'Yes, sir.'

Q: 'Now, ... why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?'
A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

In an recent interview, General Norman Schwarzkopf was asked if he thought there was room for forgiveness toward the people who have harbored and abetted the terrorists who perpetrated the 9/11 attacks on America.

His answer was classic Schwarzkopf.
The General said, "I believe that forgiving them is God's function .... OUR job is to arrange the meeting."

In a bar...
Having already downed a few power drinks, she turns around, faces him, looks him straight in the eye and says,

"Listen here good looking, I screw anybody, anytime, anywhere, your place, my place, in the car, front door, back door, on the ground, standing up, sitting down, naked or with clothes on, it doesn't matter to me. I just love it."
Eyes now wide with interest, he responds, "No kidding. I'm a Lawyer too. "

Your Privacy is For Sale!

It certainly appears as though Zuck would just as soon not have any of his users EVER leave Fleecebook.  By recreating all the features that one normally has, while on the net, into Fleecebook in an AOL-like interface, Zuck hopes that you will reveal as much as possible to his data mining (that he can sell, of course) by staying signed on.  His latest GREATEST feature is to incorporate Skype from within Fleecebook.   Do I REALLY want his data mining looking and listening to my phone calls (or Skype calls) as well ??

What a big mistake!  Next year, Indiana schools will stop teaching cursive writing!  We are very fast becoming totally dependent on technology.  Soon kids will be asking what a ballpoint pen is for !!!  I was hoping that we could stave off the Singularity a bit longer, but it appears as though strides are occurring in the wrong direction... These poor kids won't be able to sign their name or write a check or even write a grocery list!

As I have been telling you for many months; all of your shopping habits are being sold to focused marketers.  The banks are charging you to give them the data that they resell.  It makes no sense to me....  Your privacy is leaking away...  

A young couple decided to wed. As the big day approached, they grew apprehensive. Each had an embarrassing problem they had never before shared with anyone, not even each other.

The Groom-to-be, overcoming his fear, decided to ask his father for advice.

"Father," he said, "I am deeply concerned about the success of my marriage. I love my fiancé, very much, but you know, I have extremely smelly feet, and I'm afraid that my future wife will be revolted by them."

"No problem," said dad, "all you have to do is wash your feet as often as possible, and always wear socks, even to bed."

Well, to him this seemed a workable solution.

The bride-to-be, overcoming her fear, decided to take her problem up with her mom.

"Mom," she said, "When I wake up in the morning my breath is truly awful."

"Honey," her mother consoled, "everyone has bad breath in the morning."

"No, you don't understand. My morning breath is so disgustingly bad, I'm afraid that my new husband will not want to sleep in the same room with me."

Her mother said simply, "Try this. In the morning, get straight out of bed, and head for the bathroom and brush your teeth. The key is, not to say a word until you've brushed your teeth. Not a word," her mother affirmed.


Well, she thought it was certainly worth a try.

The loving couple were finally married in a beautiful ceremony. Not forgetting the advice each had received, he with his perpetual socks and she with her morning silence, they managed quite well. That is, until about six months later.

Shortly before dawn, the husband wakes with a start to find that one of his socks had come off. Fearful of the consequences, he frantically searches the bed. This, of course, woke his bride and without thinking, she immediately turns to face him and asks,

"What on earth are you doing?"

"Oh, no!" he gasped in shock, "You've eaten one of my socks!"

New High School Exit Exam, you only need 4 correct out of 10 questions to pass.
(Remember, passing requires only 4 correct answers)
1) How long did the Hundred Years' War last?
2) Which country makes Panama hats?
3) From which animal do we get cat gut?
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution?
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of?
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal?
7) What was King George VI's first name?
8) What color is a purple finch?
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from?
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane?

Remember, you need only 4 correct answers to pass. 

ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ -- NO CHEATING  
1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 116 years
2) Which country makes Panama hats? Ecuador
3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Sheep and Horses 
4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? November
5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Squirrel fur
6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Dogs
(Trick question. The Canary Islands are in the Atlantic!)
7) What was King George VI's first name? Albert
8) What color is a purple finch? Crimson 
9) Where are Chinese gooseberries from? New Zealand 
10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Orange (of course)
What do you mean, you failed?

Amazingly Enough...

The collection of Bat Chain Pullers from the formerly "G"OP are still in disarray, but Romney is still leading the pack.  Bachmann is still struggling to gain support.  I'm still predicting that Palin will not run, mainly to avoid the bloodbath with Bachmann, but I do believe that she has realized that she doesn't have a chance. 

Garage sale:
So that you'll never be tempted to participate in a "neighborhood garage sale," allow me to explain how they go:

Friday night you're up until two in the morning marking prices on all the junk you're hoping people will buy. At this point you're almost psychotically optimistic, calculating the total value of your "inventory" at slightly over twenty-two thousand dollars. In particular, you're hoping to rid yourself of a hideous lamp constructed from a stars-and-stripes motorcycle helmet like the one Peter Fonda wore in Easy Rider, and you give it a bargain price of $22. Last year's tag is still clinging to the chin strap; it reads $18.

The garage sale is scheduled to begin at 9:00am. At 6:30 a woman awakens you by pounding on your door. "I like to get an early start," she dimples. When you open the garage door to let her in, there are seven cars in your driveway.

By 11:30 all you've sold is a T-shirt for ten cents. Worse, your daughter borrowed twenty bucks so she could go shopping at the neighbors' garage sales. You mark the motorcycle helmet lamp down to $18.

At noon you leave the operation in your son's hands and go inside to get some lunch. A stranger is in your bathroom, trying on clothes. Another wants to know if you have "any more cake."

When you return to the garage, you find your son ecstatic because he has sold a whole set of garden tools-shovel, axe, rake, spade--for fifty cents each. You sadly advise him that they weren't for sale in the first place. "I wondered why there were no price tags," he replies.

You look around. "Where's my new bicycle?" you gasp, horrified. Your son tells you one of the neighbor kids is out taking it for a "test drive."

A little later one of your neighbors shows up to see how you're doing. "Hey, this Easy Rider lamp is a hoot!" he chuckles. "How much?"

"Since you're a friend, twenty-five bucks," you gush.

"The tag says eighteen," he points out.

"Okay, eighteen."

"I'll give you seventy-five cents."

"Sold!"

It's the high point of the day. Around one there's another rush: Word has gotten out you're selling garden tools for half a buck each. "I'll give you a dollar for your lawnmower," one shopper suggests. You ask him to leave. A woman picking through the books you're selling wants to know if you have anything by Carl Hiassen. When you tell her no, she asks if she can "look inside." You ask her to leave. When you step into the house a few minutes later, your son is showing your ties to the man who ate all your cake. "Why don't you check out some of the other sales," you suggest to both of them.

Your neighbor calls. "My wife says I can't keep this lamp," he reports. "I'll have to bring it back."

"All sales are final," you snap.

"Come on, Bruce," he whines. "You can keep the money."

"If you set foot in my driveway, I'll call the police," you warn.

You observe a young man slinking over to the collection of National Geographics you've priced at a dime apiece. He looks a little like a thief, and you wonder how fast he's going to be able to run with eighty pounds of magazines under each arm. "This is my first garage sale, and I'm a little nervous," he informs you.

"That's okay."

"I heard on the radio about this guy who bought what looked like a worthless rock collection, and in it was a sapphire worth two million dollars," he remarks.

"Oh?" you say politely.

"You got anything like that?"

At 6:00pm the sale is over. It's difficult to calculate your take for the day because at some point you apparently sold the cash box. The thought of re-stocking all your stuff back inside the house is too fatiguing, and you begin transferring it directly to the trash can. Your son bursts in, effusive over some of the great stuff he's bought. "Look Dad, only three bucks! Now we have a matched set!" he trumpets, flourishing his prize.

It is, of course, the motorcycle helmet lamp.

The Main Differences
SUCCESS:
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

STYLE:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

MONEY MANAGEMENT:
A man is a person who will pay two dollars for a one dollar item he wants.
A woman will pay one dollar for a two dollar item that she doesn't want.

HAPPINESS:
To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

MARRIAGE EXPECTATIONS:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

MARRIAGE DECISIONS:
Men marry because they are tired.
Women marry because they are curious.
Both are disappointed.

MARRIAGE AND THE FUTURE:
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband,
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MEMORIES:
A woman will always cherish the memory of the man who wanted to marry her.
A man cherishes the memory of the woman who he didn't marry.

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN:
There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage and after marriage.

WHAT A WOMAN WANTS:
Only two things are necessary to keep one's wife happy...
- One is to let her think she is having her own way.
- The other is to let her have it.

LONGEVITY:
Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

MISTAKES:
Any married man should forget his mistakes - no use two people remembering the same thing.

THE BATTLE:
A woman always has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
 

Take Back Your Liberty

Have a happy and safe Independence Day....

The Flag
By Bud Stuart

 

What Flag is this?
This flag we see.
This flag that
Stands for Liberty.

A symbol that
Where ‘ere unfurled,
Brings hope to millions
‘Round this world.

It holds three colors.
The first is red.
For all the precious
Blood's been shed.

The other stripes
Of white ensure,
A purity
We pray endures.

The field of blue,
For you and me,
Gives hope that ever
Our skies are free.

And on that field,
Those stars of white,
Will bring us hope
Both day and night.

So lift your eyes
And lift your hearts,
Behold your flag
In all it's parts.

A flag that to us
Freedom sings.
A flag that gives
Our country wings.

To fly into
A future long.
To face that future
Free and strong.

Come join with me
In brave salute,
This flag where
Liberty took root.

Advertising Mistakes

2 female Boston Terrier puppies 7 wks old, Perfect markings 555-1234. Leave mess. Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it! Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Mt. Kilimanjaro is the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit = One. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care of your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once -- you'll never go anywhere again. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Salary and Blue Cross provided. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. Introducing the Superstore! Unequaled in size Unmatched in variety Unrivaled inconvenience You know you are addicted to coffee if ... You grind your coffee beans in your mouth. You sleep with your eyes open. You have to watch videos in fast-forward. The only time you're standing still is during an earthquake. You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer. You've worn out your third pair of tennis shoes this week. Your eyes stay open when you sneeze. You chew on other people's fingernails. The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse. You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas. You can type sixty words per minute with your feet. You can jump-start your car without cables. You don't sweat, you percolate. You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in. You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them. You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers. People get dizzy just watching you. Instant coffee takes too long. You channel surf faster without a remote. You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug. You can outlast the Energizer bunny. You short out motion detectors. You don't even wait for the water to boil anymore. Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale. You help your dog chase its tail. You soak your dentures in coffee overnight. Your first-aid kit contains two pints of coffee with an I.V. hookup. You ski uphill. You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked. You answer the door before people knock. You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

Service...

Yesterday we went looking at cameras for Terre's birthday present.  She just about had it picked, but wanted to check out the variety at Best Buy.  The cameras are tethered to some "don't-steal-this" steel cables that you can just about lift to your eye-level to look at the camera's display.  Terre picked up a few that she was interested in, but they wouldn't power up.  I searched (almost in vain) for someone that worked there to help.  He told us that not all of the cameras were powered because they are missing a power cable link.  Terre then picked up one with the power cable link and it still wouldn't power up.  The "helper" couldn't explain that.  
So here we are facing one of America's largest dilemmas.  You cannot BUY customer service anymore!  How does this store expect to sell any cameras, by their looks- or their promise of features?  Why do people lament the ma-and-pa stores closing.  Isn't it because they can go there and get a demo of the product with useful recommendations?  Sure their prices may not be as good, but then again they don't sell as many.   Many people go to their last remaining ma-and-pa store to get their demo and then go to the big department store to get their price.  This is really a shame.  The ma-and-pa stores will soon be extinct, by this practice.
Part of the problem is that employees are not particularly assigned to a specific department, so they REALLY never learn about their products. Secondly, they are not paid well enough on the store's low profit margin to stay employed they for a long enough period to accomplish the task.  Thirdly, and most importantly, they REALLY don't care whether you buy there or not.
When we had decided that we had enough, I located a supervisor-type at the Best Buy and explained to him why they have lost our sale.  He was apologetic, but all bets are that nothing will change in that department- at all.
So an interesting trend is beginning: Best Buy is starting to create smaller stores that focus on particular products.  It this the return of the ma-and-pa type of store? This has yet to be seen, but I'd say that it is a move in the right direction- and perhaps one in which you might see the return of "service". 

Albertson's Market(SuperValu) has started something new in their store, that so far is unannounced. They have created small "vertical" areas in the cleaning products isle, and at least one or two others.  What I mean by "vertical" is a section that covers all the shelves from top to bottom.  In the cleaning products isle, this area contains a variety of products that are brands that I have never seen OR brands I haven't seen for lo-ong time, like "Rinso".  These products are priced at a can't-go-wrong level of one dollar apiece.  I bought a few, and they are just as good as the ADVERTISED brands.  This got me to thinking: if they can sell these products for such a low price, how much profit is there really on those brands that are heavily advertised and coupon-ed to death?  My point here, is that we are subsidizing the advertising and coupons by the high prices.  What would happen if we just STOPPED BUYING THEM? As an example, try to watch daytime TV without seeing an ad for Tide or Febreeze (Proctor & Gamble) or Windex or Pledge (S.C. Johnson).  We HATE those commercials but we subsidize them by buying their products and using their coupons.

Dictionary Of Dating
ATTRACTION..... the act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT ..... what occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING..... the process of spending enormous amounts of money, time and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL..... avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men.

EASY..... a term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT..... a method utilized by one person to indicate that they are interested in another. Despite being advised to do so, many men have difficulty looking a woman directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND..... a person in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE..... a woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man to be "playing hard to get".

INTERESTING..... a word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT..... what the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY..... how attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportionate to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC..... a man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

SOBER..... condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

A cop stops a Harley for traveling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name.

'Fred,' he replies.

'Fred what?' the officer asks.

'Just Fred,' the man responds.

The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then presses him for the last name.

The man tells him that he used to have a last name but lost it. The officer thinks that he has a nut case on his hands but plays along with it. 'Tell me, Fred, how did you lose your last name?'

The biker replies, 'It's a long story, so stay with me.' I was born Fred Johnson. I studied hard and got good grades.

When I got older, I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, and finally got my degree, so I was Fred Johnson, MD. After a while I got bored being a doctor, so I decided to go back to school.

Dentistry was my dream! Got all the way through School, got my degree, so then I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS.

Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant and she gave me VD, so now I was Fred Johnson, MD, DDS, with VD.

Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS.

Then I was Fred Johnson, MD, with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD leaving me as Fred Johnson with VD.

Then the VD took away my Johnson, so now I am Just Fred..'

The officer walked away in tears, laughing.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.

She said, "I have a 22-year-old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and
then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."

I said, "Well, then why are you crying?"

She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite
brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon.

I said, "Okay, so why are you crying?"

She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my
favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a.m."

I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?"

She said, "I can't remember where I live!" 

So Zuck is planning "something awesome" for Fleecebook NEXT WEEK.  Why is he telling us about it beforehand ?  In the past, he has just dropped new features on us by making them DEFAULT to each account.  You can bet that whatever this new feature is, it will benefit Fleecebook more than us.  With his record, how can we trust him or Fleecebook at all?

SO what is the story with the fast food guys and the big coffee guy going into the bar business?  Sonic (formerly Drive-In), Burger King and Starbucks are going into the beer and wine business.  So lets see, we make the happy meal for kids less desirable by cutting back on the toys to attract them and giving them healthier foods- but they don't sell as well.  How about an adult happy meal, with booze to boot!  This may go over in very select venues, but mainstream- fuggetaboutit!

"Basically, a tool is an object that enables you to take
advantage of the laws of physics and mechanics in such a way that
you can seriously injure yourself."
- Dave Barry

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips, she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely grey eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided her through this tender, new territory, boldly taking her to heights she had never dared to dream of, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her. As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again............ DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SHOPPING FOR SHOES?

The Night Before Christmas, Legally Speaking:
Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter "the House") a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to, a mouse. A variety of foot apparel, e.g. stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter "Claus") would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams. Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as "I"), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the parts of the second part (hereinafter "Mamma"), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g. kerchief and cap.) Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e. the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance. At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter "the Vehicle") being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus. Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8)reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter "the Deer"). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co-conspirator named "Rudolph" may have been involved.) The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney. Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations. Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute "gifts" to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.) Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as "lookouts." Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination. However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: "Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!" Or words to that effect.

Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas, was awarded $780,000 by a jury of peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little toddler was Ms. Robertson's son.

Waiting For Doctors

How long would YOU wait?  I had a friend that would give her doctor fifteen minutes in the waiting room.  If her appointment was not met because the doctor was called to surgery, he was excused.  Otherwise, she would inform the nurse, and leave.  I like the idea of billing the doctor for YOUR time.  Many doctors overbook their time and have no regard for the people waiting.  Others, like in the article, reward their patients for waiting.  Personally, I feel that the doctor should keep his or her appointments realistic.  I have resorted to asking when the doctor usually arrived and made my appointment to coincide with that time.  Some doctors, also, will bill you $50 for not showing up or cancelling the appointment to close to the actual time.  IMHO, this should work in both directions...

Two Southern Belles were sittin' on the porch one hot afternoon.
The first had just returned from a trip to New York. She said to
the second Belle,

"You know, up there in New York, they've got men who kiss men on
the lips."

"Oh dear me!" cried the second Belle. "What do they call those
men?" she questioned.

The first replied, "They call them homosexuals. And did you know,
up there they've got women who kiss women on the private parts?"

"Oh Heavens!" The second gasped. "What on Earth do they call
those women?"

"Why, they call them lesbians. Up there, they also have men who
kiss women on their private parts."

The second belle nearly fell from her chair. "Oh Lawdy! What do
they call those men?"

The first Belle answered, "Well, after I caught my breath, I
called him precious!"

Perry Would Change The FIeld Drastically

I am utterly amazed that Rick Perry has surpassed (in popularity) all the other Republican candidates except Romney.  Does this indicate that those polled want what Texas provides, such as veritable gun freedom and quick executions? Perry even threatened to secede Texas from the union once, but now he says that he was joking.  I WOULD imagine, though, that Perry would be a more desirable choice, given that he is not Mormon nor a woman.  His minor extremism is apparently not comparable to Bachmann, Palin, Paul, et cetera.

From the "Say What?" file -- true story: I'm taking two classes this semester, one of which is Public Policy. Our professor is an adjunct; nice lady, tries too hard. Anyway, a few weeks ago, we're covering a chapter on environmental politics, and she casts an overhead with facts and figures on some of the more powerful environmental lobbying groups. Among them is the Audubon Society. If you do not know what the Audubon Society is, then stop reading.
So one of the students asks, "What is the Audubon Society?" (Bird watchers, if you ignored my previous instructions.) To which the professor replies:
"I don't know, I think it's a group to protect that road in Germany."
It hits me like a spear. "She did not just say that, did she?" I think to myself. I look up -- and she's serious.
"That's Auto-BAHN, not Audubon!" I reply, only to be drowned out by the chorus of students in the back who are either laughing or yelling, "Birds! Birds!"
"What?" she says.
I reply, "It's a group organized for the protection of birds."
She stays silent for a moment, then responds, "Well, what kind of bird is an audubon, is it a spotted owl or something?"
I swear to God -- true story.

Eight words with two meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female...Any part under a car's hood.
Male...The strap fastener on a woman's bra.

2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female...Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male...Playing with only three defenders.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female..The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male...Leaving a note before going up the pub with the boys.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female...A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male...Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female...A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male...Anything that can be done while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.
Female....An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.
Male...A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female..The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.
Male...Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.

8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.
Female...A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male...A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

Crowdsourcing...

So let us suppose that you are valued at BILLIONS of dollars, have a captive audience, a large number of focused advertisers and yet you are still unsatisfied.  Fleecebook is now "crowdsourcing" how to get more users involved in their ads.  So the next time you read what appears to be a story about some family's experiences on vacation, check closely for actual mention of brands that they drank, the brand of gasoline that they bought, the brand of sunscreen that they used on the beach and maybe even the brand of tequila that their margaritas were made with!  They are even soliciting user's opinions!

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic school for lunch. At the beginning of the line there was a large pile of apples. A nun had written a note,

"Take only one, God is watching."

At the end of the line there was a large stack of chocolate chip cookies. A boy wrote a note and left it on the cookies that said,

"Take all you want, God is watching the apples."

"Doctor, I have an ear ache."
2000 B.C.- "Here, eat this root."
1000 B.C.- "That root is heathen, say this prayer."
1850 A.D.- "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion."
1940 A.D.- "That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill."
1985 A.D.- "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic."
2000 A.D.- "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root!"

Twelve Steps to Not Thinking
I was a lot like you: carefree, happy and blissful. This was before my life took a tragic turn, a turn which I sense you are on the verge of taking. There is no help for me, unfortunately, but perhaps my story will prevent you from falling into the abyss into which I have been thrown.
It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties, now and then, just to loosen up. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker. I began to think alone. To relax, I told myself, even though I knew it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally, I was thinking all the time.
I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't stop myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Kafka and Thoreau. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What IS it exactly we are doing here?".
Things weren't going so great at home, either. One evening I had turned off the TV, and asked my wife "What is the meaning of life?". She spent the night at her mother's.
I soon had a reputation as a heavy thinker. One day, the boss called me in and said "Greg, I like you and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job". This gave me a lot to think about!
I came home early after my conversation with the boss.
"Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking".
"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce."
"But honey, surely it's not that serious!"
"It is serious", she said, her lower lip quivering. "You think as much as college professors, and college professors don't make any money. So if you keep thinking, we won't have any money!"
"That's a faulty syllogism!" I said impatiently, and she began to cry.
I'd had enough. "I'm going to the library", I snarled, and stomped out the door. I headed out to the library in the mood for some Nitzche and NPR on the radio. I roared into the parking lot and ran up to the big glass doors.
They didn't open. The library was closed! To this day, I believe a higher power was looking out for me that night. As I sank to the ground, clawing at the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Zarathrustra, a poster caught my eye.
"Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster. Which is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker.
I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's". Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting. I still have my job and things are a lot better at home. Life just seems...easier, somehow, as soon as I stop thinking.

A Simpler Life...

Ever wonder what a simpler lifestyle would bring?  Would we like to return to the 50s when you could trust your neighbor and your kids could walk to school without fear.  How can we get there and still have some of the benefits of today's technologies?  It means that you have to "downshift" to a lifestyle where you don't expect or depend on material things that you REALLY don't need.  It probably means moving to another neighborhood, town or even state to accomplish it completely.  It would or could be a SWEET escape! Imagine moving to a Donna Reed or "Leave it to Beaver" neighborhood, having an 8-5 job AND being able to afford a nice lifestyle without today's stresses...Here are 72 ideas to a simpler life....

MOODS OF A WOMAN

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
a woman is a bundle of contradiction.

She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
but will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house.

Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
she'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose.

She'll win you in range, enchant you in silk,
she'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk.

At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
she'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad.


MOODS OF A MAN

Horny

A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?'

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!'  

A woman walked into the pharmacy... and asked for a vibrator.

The pharmacist gestured with his index finger and said, "Come this way."

The woman replied, "If I could come that way, I wouldn't need a vibrator!" 

Have you been scored ?

Last evening we went to see the Green Lantern movie.  While the critics were not nice to it in their reviews, I thought it fulfilled the requirements of a comic book movie rather well.  I do think, though, that maybe with twenty minutes more, the character could have revealed their backgrounds a bit more.  Also, for the 3D portion of the viewing; I thought it was extremely overrated and unnecessary.

Everybody that currently has any kind of credit is issued a credit score.  This not only affects what additional credit you can get, but what the interest rate is.  Imagine a world where everyone gets a social influence score and it could affect what job you get, whether you get a promotion or even if you get bumped to first class on a plane.  This is the metamorphosis that we are going through right now and soon won't be able to scratch our own butt unless we have an acceptable score!  Don't fall prey to the smart phone or social network buzz.  REMEMBER they are only smart phones for the cell carriers because they can sell the data that they extract PLUS the user pays them for the conveniences that the phone provides while the extraction process is ongoing....

You be the Judge:These are actual comments made by South Carolina Troopers that were taken off their car videos:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired." (My Favorite!)

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you." (LOVE IT)

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't. Sign here."

Zuck Continues Sweating...

The Winklevoss Twins are at it again, this time filing yet another suit against their heretofore cash-cow, Fleecebook.  I'm sure that Zuck is surprised and sweating again- GREAT!

TOP 10 SIGNS THAT YOUR SON HAS GROWN TOO OLD FOR BREAST FEEDING

10. He can open your blouse by himself.

9. While suckling at one breast, he caresses the other.

8. He has developed a bad habit of flicking his tongue.

7. He keeps slipping dollar bills in your belt.

6. He uses your milk as creamer for his coffee.

5. Your birth control pills interfere with his acne medicine.

4. After each feeding, he has a smoke.

3. He frequently invites his friends over for dinner.

2. You feel an uncontrollable urge to listen to Dueling Banjos.

1. Beard abrasions on aureola.

An Alberta cowboy walked into a drug store in Vancouver and asked to talk to a male pharmacist. The woman he was talking to said that she was the only pharmacist and as she and her sister owned the store, there were no males employed there. She then asked if she could help him.

The cowpoke said that it was something that he would be much more comfortable discussing with a male pharmacist.

The female pharmacist assured him that she was completely professional, and whatever it was that he needed to discuss, he could be confident that she would treat him with the highest level of professionalism.

The cowboy then agreed and began by saying, “This is tough for me to discuss, but I have a, uh, permanent erection. It causes me a lot of problems, and severe embarrassment, and I was wondering what you could give me for it.”

The pharmacist said, “Just a minute, I'll talk to my sister.”

When she returned, she said, “We discussed it at length, and the absolute best we can do is as follows:

-1/3 ownership in the store
-A company pickup truck
-Two home cooked dinners a week
-And $3,000 a month in living expenses.” 

Feds Looking in the Wrong Place

Looks like the Feds are going after Google for illegal business practices.  This should be very interesting.  I wonder when they will get to Apple and Fleecebook!

Isn't it amazing that Kim Kardashian had to get her butt x-rayed to prove that it is real.  Gimme a break- how do we know that they are her x-rays ? 

I'm sure glad it is Friday (poker night) as this has been a very busy week.  I hope everyone has a great weekend....
 

A guy goes to see a shrink...

He says, doctor my wife is unfaithful to me, Every evening she goes to Larry's Bar and picks up men. In fact she sleeps with any guy that asks her, She's driving me crazy, what should I do?

Relax, says the doctor, take a deep breath and calm down!

Now, Tell me exactly where Larry's Bar is.

...Beware...
A woman was sipping on a glass of wine, while sitting on the patio with her husband, and she says, "I love you so much, I don't know how I could ever live without you".

Her husband asks, "Is that you, or the wine talking"?

She replies, "It's me...talking to the wine". 

HIS AND HER DIARY FOR THE SAME DAY:
Her Diary:
Tonight, I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much. I asked him what was wrong; He said, 'Nothing.' I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving. I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't say, 'I love you, too.' When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.

His Diary:
Boat wouldn't start, can't figure out why. 

Popcorn Brain....

Funny how money has a way of changing one's mind.  The Winklevoss twins have decided to drop their previously unsuccessful suit, take the money and run.  I could see how that kind of an ongoing suit could devour your lives.  While they are more than likely due much more- and it was nice seeing Zuck sweat, it is the best for all that they move on...

So we find out that Huguette Clark did (?) have a will that was filed in 2005.  Given that the will is not contested (which is highly a likely scenario because of the large amount of money and the "cloud of suspicion over her attorney's operations"), the Bellosgardo Estate will become a museum of fine arts.  Give how difficult it is to do ANYTHING in the city of Santa Barbara, I wonder whether her estate will become a museum in my lifetime ?

The paradigms are about to change again.  I have been dragging my feet, continuing to get cable and hoping that the content vendors on the web would settle into a few bigger players before I jump in the fray.  Now I see that (for some unknown reason) Hulu is putting themselves up for sale!  Is it possible that their rapid growth has forced them to lose control of their business?  I cannot come up with a good reason.  Meanwhile, as long as the rate of change is so rapid, it will take a bit more to get me to accept change.  Now, Hulu has recently been put into a between-a-rock-and-hard-place situation with the content providers.  They will want AUTHENTICATION to occur.  This means that in order to watch a show immediately following it's broadcast, you'd have to authenticate that you are a cable or dish subscriber- otherwise the wait would be eight days!  The cable/dish people are putting the squeeze on to retain as many subscribers as possible.  So why would I want to do that ?  I could just record the shows on my DVR and never use Hulu- or I could give up my apron strings to cable/dish and just watch shows shifted to the right by eight days.  I haven't figured out their ploy.  It just doesn't add up.  The only REAL factor that they have going for them is that people hate commitment to a radical change.  This will cause most subscribers to react like I am, and drag their feet... and continue to overpay...

Would you rather check to see if you have an email- or go enjoy an outside activity?  Do you sleep with your smart phone? Do you carry it around with you in your hand so that you will be able to react to a call or text immediately? Do you feel anxious or bored and believe that you can be "satisfied" by going on the web?  This is an ADDICTION! You may have "Popcorn Brain"!  Here are some facts to see if you really do have popcorn brain and some suggestions on how to cope with it....

Two women that are dog owners are arguing about which dog is smarter.... First Woman : "My dog is so smart, every morning he waits for the paper boy to come around and then he takes the newspaper and brings it to me.
Second Woman : "I know..." First Woman : "How?" Second Woman : "My dog told me."

Notes from the Edge of LifeDear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely,
Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely,
Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely,
Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely,
United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely,
Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely,
Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely,
Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely,
Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars end there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut. Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant