Your Facebook Page...

So most people would definitely be concerned that an perspective employer would be perusing their Facebook page and altogether web presence previous to hiring.  Suppose you were applying to Facebook, though.  What would you have to do get get noticed and have a chance at getting a job there?  Over a quarter of a million applications are processed yearly by Facebook.  Some people do actually get hired and I wonder what they had to do to get that to happen.  They are not only looking for developers that are self-starters, but those with a cultural fit (i.e heavy social networkers, particularly on Facebook.  I would certainly be concerned with two things, if that were me: 1) How do I get to be on the inside track during the IPO?  and 2) The Social Bubble and how it would affect my job and the value of my stock.

On another note, Facebook is being sued for a cool billion dollars because they allowed a page containing "intifada" [violence against Jews] to stay up long enough to get almost 400,000 "likes".  This is the company that we trust with our most personal information so that they can make money selling copies.   Apparently, their site is too big to keep watch over.  And any page that gets a lot of "likes" isn't one of their candidates for removal.  How much TRUST can you put into Facebook and the people [Zuckerberg] that are "running" things?  Facebook is apparently watching us, but not their own site!!  AND Mark Zuckerberg IS JEWISH!!!

We watched a couple of movies over the weekend which barely justify their mention.  The first, "Little Fockers" was just pretty bad.  The excitement and comedy of the first two movies was lost on this one due to the repetitive nature.  It was as thought we had heard all the jokes previously and knew the punchlines, as well.  The second movie was "Tron :Legacy".  The first movie was hokey by today's standards.  Disney upgraded the special effects tremendously, but it was as though the plot was ignored in order to put more CGI effects.  As an engineer, I usually have numerous questions after watching a movie, because I tend to analyze them for accurate details.  For example: I an [mebbie] understand that Flynn's son returned to Earth(?), but how did the Quorra (the girl program) return to a place she'd never been? This movie presented plenty of fodder for many unanswered questions.  And, they had a preview on the the DVD for the third Tron movie.  Perhaps they are just aiming at a younger and more easily convincing age group.

First Microsoft claims that tablet computers are just a fad, now brace yourself for Windows 8 which will address the processors most commonly used for phones and tablets.  I haven't gotten used to Windows 7 yet.  I guess Microsoft still is reaching for more revenue, since Office has splintered and there is more competition in their other products, as well.

California

Did you know what happened 160 years ago this fall... back in 1850?
California became a state. The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically nothing has changed except then all the women had real boobs and none of the men held hands.

And that, my friends, is the history lesson for today! 

Ghetto Spelling

1. HOTEL - My Momma said that she ain' gon tell her friend Shaqueta nothing else, cause that HOTEL everthang she know.

2. HONOR ROLL - We was playing bidwiz on the stoop the other day and man, I was HONORROLL.

3. PLANET - Leroy got arrested cause he got him some seed to grow weed, and he PLANET in the backyard.

4. DISMAY - I went for a blood test, the doctor pulled out a needle and said DISMAY hurt a little.

5. OMELETTE - I should punch you for what you jes said but OMELETTE it go dis time.

6. STAIRWAY - Getting high is stupid. It makes you STAIRWAY into space.

7. MOBILE - I went to buy some food, I was short on cash, and my man said gimme one MOBILE.

8. DEFENSE - I saw this dude running from the cops, but he hopped DEFENSE and got away.

9. AFRO - I got so mad at my girl, AFRO a lamp at her.

10. AFTERMATH - I don't feel like being at school today so AFTERMATH, I'm out.

11. LOCKET - I slam the door so hard, I LOCKET.

12. DOMINEERING - My girl's birthday was yesterday, so I got her a DOMINEERING.

13. KENYA - I needed money for the subway, so I axe a stranger 'KENYA spare some change?'

14. DERANGE - DERANGE is where da deer and da antelope play.

15. DATA - At my basketball game, I scored thirty points My coach say DATA boy.

16. BEWARE - I asked the man at the unemployment office, 'Is dis BEWARE I can get a job?'

17. DIMENSION - I be tall, dark, handsome and not DIMENSION smart.

18. COATROOM - The judge said, 'One more outburst, you'll be thrown out de COATROOM.'

19. DECIDE - My boy frontin' like he love his girl but eribody know he got a couple of chicks on DECIDE.

20. FASCINATE - Her dress got 10 buttons, but she so big she can't FASCINATE.

Frinds With Google?

I guess they are not making enough money, but now Google REALLY wants to be your friend so they can get more information to sell to advertisers... Aren't we just lucky?  Good thing they are already part of the Social Bubble.


More painting today.  I'm not as young as I was the last time that I did this.  I'm beat...

Magic green hat

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 3 hours, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT. When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left.
I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.

Here's the hat. 

 

It also works at DMV. It saved me 4 hours.

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

But...don't try it at McDonald's. The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order!

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'
- Eleanor Roosevelt 

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself,'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'
- They Walk Among Us and Many Work  Retail

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart.  The cashier rang up $46.64 charges. I gave her a fifty dollar bill.  She gave me back $46.64. I gave the money back to her and told her that she had made a mistake in MY favour.
She became indignant and informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and returned the money again.  I gave her the money back same scenario!
I departed the store with the $46.64.

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..  
- Mark Twain 
    
The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible 
- George Burns
   
Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.
- Victor Borge
   
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. 
- Mark Twain
   
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
- Socrates
   
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 
- Groucho Marx 
   
My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.
- Jimmy Durante
  
I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 
- Zsa Zsa Gabor
  
Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. 
- Alex Levine 
    
My luck is so bad that, if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.
- Rodney Dangerfield
     
Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.
- Spike Milligan
    
Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP . 
- Joe Namath
    
I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. 
- Bob Hope 

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.. 
- W. C. Fields 
      
We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.  
- Will Rogers
   
Don't worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you. 
- Winston Churchill 
   
Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..
- Phyllis Diller
    
By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.
- Billy Crystal
    
And the cardiologist' s diet: -  If it tastes good, spit it out.

They Walk Among Us and Many Work Retail
I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get- one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.  I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said 'buy one-get one free.'  'They're already buy-one- get-one-free, ' she said, 'so I guess they're both free'. She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

They Walk Among Us!
One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, 'Look at that dead bird!' Someone looked up at the sky and said, 'Where?'


They Walk Among Us!
While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.  She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the North?.   When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, 'Oh I don't keep up with all that stuff.'

They Walk Among Us!!
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, 'The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.' He responded, 'Is that Eastern or Pacific time?' Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, 'Uh, Pacific.'

They Walk Among Us!
My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk.


They Walk Among Us!
My friends and I went out to buy beer and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%.  Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases..  The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

They Walk Among Us!
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.  She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.  'Now,' she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?'

They Walk Among Us!
While working at a pizza place I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.'

               




   
 

No Fun- Painting Day...

We decided to paint the back bedroom today, since the weather is less than great.  Unfortunately, since we live in California, every time we buy paint is has been reformulated.  The claim was that this paint would cover in one coat.  Since we are painting over green, even the cutting is taking two coats! I think, by the time we are done, it will take three coats to get rid of the shadows.  Thanks for the reformulation to keep the APCD off your backs...

A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children fell to discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.

"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."

A third child brought the argument to a close. "They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrant." 


 

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child.

Smiling sweetly, the Sunday school teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told if that I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that."

Johnny looked up and replied, "Well, Ms Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."

!!! BREAD IS DANGEROUS !!! Research on bread indicates that:
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.
3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.
4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed within 24 hours of eating bread.
5. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as one pound of dough can be used to suffocate a mouse. The average American eats more bread than that in one month!
6. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.
7. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and given only water to eat begged for bread after as little as two days.
8. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.
9. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.
10. Newborn babies can choke on bread.
11. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.
12. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, it has been proposed that the following bread restrictions be made:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.  

How Dogs and men are the same..

1. Both take up too much space on the bed. 

2. Both have irrational fears about vacuum cleaning.

3. Both mark their territory.

4. Neither tells you what's bothering them.

5. The smaller ones tend to be more nervous.

6. Both have an inordinate fascination with women's crotches.

7. Neither does any dishes.

8. Both fart shamelessly.

9. Neither of them notice when you get your hair cut.

10. Both like dominance games.

11. Both are suspicious of the postman.

12. Neither understands what you see in cats. 

Signs...you`re broke

At communion you go back for seconds.

You think of a lottery ticket as an investment.

You're formulating a plan to rob the food bank.

Long distance companies don't call you to switch.

You give blood everyday.. just for the orange juice.

McDonald's is the supplier of all your kitchen condiments.

American Express calls and says: "Leave home without it!"

Your idea of a 7-course meal is taking a deep breath outside a restaurant.

You've rolled so many pennies, you've formed a psychic bond with Abe Lincoln.

Deputies in the Neighborhood With Automatic Rifles

So the big local news yesterday was that there was a fellow missing in the area that is suffering from Alzheimer's.  He lives in Tecolote Canyon, where we did about ten years ago.  There were helicopters (at least two or three) and Sheriff deputies in mass quantities scouring the neighborhoods all around.  When I went home last night, I was not surprised to see several Sheriff cars parked along the way, with deputies on foot.  One thing tat was strange, though, is they were armed with automatic rifles!  It wasn't until later on the news that I was informed that there had been a gang related stabbing at Goleta Beach and the escape van for the stabbers was found parked at the local high school, Dos Pueblos.  The deputies were scouring the high school and the neighborhoods for the perpetrators as well as the poor lost man.

This is hilarious: There are so many people in life that are NOT successful and NEVER will be.  Here is a list of people that are very successful, but never existed!!

Last night we watch a new show on Fox network called Mobbed.  It was intriguing at first, then extremely funny, then it brought tears to both of us.  The whole concept of FLASHMOB is amazing.  The effect that it has on people is outstanding.  This first show was absolutely great!

For those of you that couldn't resist GMAIL's new feature, SURPRISE- April Fool!  I'll have you believe that I wrote this blog while dancing and miming the words with my hands!

My wife told me of a news item that she was shocked at.  A sophomore at a local high school reacted to his elderly relative's complaint about always forgetting to take his pill OR worse forgetting that he already took it.  The student created a new app and sold it to Apple.  The app sells for 99 cents and he gets 60 cents our of every download.  Apparently, it is selling like wildfire. [I think women are buying it to remind them to take birth control pills!]  I am a software engineer and I have always thought that this would be a good form of income, especially when I retire.  Here is the unfortunate new, on two fronts; I would miss the boat.  One, I would have thought about creating a calendar with alarms to remind someone to do almost anything, instead of just remind you to take a pill or that you already did.  My implementation would contain too much MEAT for an app.  They have to be small with just a whiff of meat.  So I'm talking to my friends and they tell me it is too late to write an app.  The paradigm will be shifting soon to have all the apps on a cloud and all you will have on your phone is a shortcut.  I think it is part of a conspiracy to keep phones using data services versus being able to work independently or on WiFi only.

Thought for the day

Handle every situation like a dog.
If you can't eat it or hump it.
Piss on it and walk away.

Dear John Letters....
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely,
Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely,
Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely,
The Titanic

Dear America ,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely,
Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely,
Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely,
1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely,
That Little Triangle

Dear Rose,
There was definitely room on that Door for the both of us.
Sincerely,
Jack
PS, you let go

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely,
BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely,
God

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely,
Unimpressed

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Nickleback,
That's enough.
Sincerely, The World

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Global Warming,
You're the best imaginary friend ever!
Sincerely, Al Gore

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely,
The Mayans

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely,
Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spell checking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely,
Every iPhone User

Dear Giant Spider on the Wall,
Please die. Please die. Please die. Please die. CRAP! Where did you go?
Sincerely,
Terrified

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely,
The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely,
Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I
was here first.
Sincerely,
Dr. Pepper

One day a man comes home from work to find total mayhem at home.
The kids were outside still in their pajamas playing in the mud
and muck. There were empty food boxes and wrappers all around.

As he proceeded into the house, he found an even bigger mess.
Dishes on the counter, dog food spilled on the floor, a broken
glass under the table, and a small pile of sand by the back door.
The family room was strewn with toys and various items of
clothing, and a lamp had been knocked over.

He headed up the stairs, stepping over toys, to look for his
wife. He was becoming worried that she may be ill, or that
something had happened to her.

He found her in the bedroom, still in bed with her pajamas on,
reading a book.

She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He
looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered, "You know everyday when you come
home from work and ask me what I did today?"

"Yes, was his reply."

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!"

YESTERDAY WAS THURSDAY

Seven a.m., waking up in the morning
Gotta be fresh, gotta go downstairs
Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal
Seein' everything, the time is goin'
Tickin' on and on, everybody's rushin'
Gotta get down to the bus stop
Gotta catch my bus, I see my friends (My friends)

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Partyin', partyin' (Yeah)
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin' forward to the weekend

7:45, we're drivin' on the highway
Cruisin' so fast, I want time to fly
Fun, fun, think about fun
You know what it is
I got this, you got this
My friend is by my right, ay
I got this, you got this
Now you know it

Kickin' in the front seat
Sittin' in the back seat
Gotta make my mind up
Which seat can I take?

It's Friday, Friday
Gotta get down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend, weekend
Friday, Friday
Gettin' down on Friday
Everybody's lookin' forward to the weekend

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today i-is Friday, Friday (Partyin')
We-we-we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes after ... wards
I don't want this weekend to end

Newsflash: Fads Are Not Important To Microsoft!

Putting the sites on the internet on notice, Google has entered a settlement with the gubmint to protect our privacy.  It essentially amounts to a hand-slap by the FTC.  At LEAST someone is watching....  At the same time, Google has just announced that they are working on an app that will allow a user to snap a picture of someone's face and it will recognize it (? mebbie) and provide access to that person's personal information.  I would wager that the FTC will heavily scrutinize THIS app before we see it in rampant use....  In another move to leach some users from Facebook, Google has introduced a similar feature on Google searches called "+1" providing more "social" information about the search results- with the information presented in a Facebook-like page format (Zuckerberg will probably be complaining also).  [There is so much news to read about Google's hijinks lately that I could probably have a separate blog just on Google!]

Ever wonder what they are doing with all the money that they make from gouging us for gasoline?  Check out this video about the carbon-free city of tomorrow that they are building today....

Now some researchers have created a "memristor" out of human blood!  Activate the Cyborg Watch- The Singularity is approaching!

Google is started to close the open source door on Android. Apparently various phone makers are making too many changes and expecting Google to support the variations. Boo-hoo for the independent developers of apps.

GET THIS: A Microsoft executive says that tablets are just a fad.  This, of course, is from a non-innovative old dog that can't handle new tricks.  If they can't compete with Android and Apple, why don't they just say so....

Two Irish men were looking at a mail order catalogue and admiring the models. 
Paddy says to Mick, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?"
"Yes," Mick replies, "they are very beautiful. And look at the price!
"
Paddy says with wide eyes, "Wow! They aren't very expensive! At this price, I'm buying one." 

Mike smiles and pats him on the back. 
"Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalogue, I'll get one, too."
Three weeks later, Mick asks Paddy, " Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalogue?"
"Not yet," says Paddy, "but it shouldn't be long now. She sent all her clothes yesterday." 

You might be a redneck if...

Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.

You think loading a dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Somebody hollers "Hoe Down" and your girlfriend hits the floor.

If a tornado hits your home and causes $10,000 dollars worth of improvement.

Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey y'all watch this."

You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia boss.

You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night. 

Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman (this would be Sheila Jackson Lee, of Houston), reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian sounding names.

She would prefer some names that reflect African-American culture such as Chamiqua, Tanisha, Woeisha, Shaqueal, and Jamal. I am NOT making this up!

She would also like the weather reports to be broadcast in 'language' that street people can understand because one of the problems that happened in New Orleans was, that black people couldn't understand the seriousness of the situation, due to the racially biased language of the weather report.

I guess if the weather person says that the winds are going to blow at 140+ MPH, that's too hard to understand

I can hear it now: A weatherman in New Orleans says...

Wazzup, mutha-fukkas! Hehr-i-cane Chamiqua be headin' fo' yo ass like Leroy on a crotch rocket!

Bitch be a category fo'! So, turn off dem chitlins, grab yo' chirren, leavey o crib, and head fo' de nearest FEMA office fo yo FREE shit! 

Dark Fiber, Yum!

As we get closer to 2012, the Tea Party appears to be dissolving before our eyes (Oh No, Mrs Palin!).  What will they do to get a viable candidate.  There are no GOP frontrunners, either- only hints...

 

A while ago Google promised to upgrade some community's broadband service to fiber, with speeds on a par with Europe, for free.  Over 1100 towns and cities vied for the chance, even Topeka temporarily changed its name to Google, Kansas.  Kansas City, Kansas won the honor, and they are now reaping the benefits.  For those of you that don't know, Google owns more "dark fiber" that any single entity in the world!  Dark fiber is fiber-optic cable that has been laid, but is not operational (i.e. "lit").  We would all hope to be able to take advantage of this someday soon.  Verizon has been making selected areas accessible to FIOS, which is their fiber system.  What I haven't figured out is whether they own their fiber, or are they leasing broadband capacity from Google.

A very distinguished lady on a plane from Switzerland found herself seated next to a nice priest.
She asked, "Excuse me, Father, could I ask a favor?"
"Of course, my child, what can I do for you?"
"Here's the problem...... I bought myself a new sophisticated hair remover gadget for which I paid an enormous sum of money. I have really gone over the declaration limits and I am worried that they will confiscate it at customs. Do you think you could hide it under your cassock?"
"Of course I could, my child, but you must realize that I can not lie."
"You have such an honest face, Father, I am sure they will not ask you any questions."
She gave him the hair remover and the aircraft arrived at its destination.
At customs the priest was asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"
"From the top of my head to my sash, I have nothing to declare, my son," he replied.
The customs officer asked, "And from the sash down, what do you have?"
The priest replied, "Well, I have a marvelous little instrument destined for use by women, but which has never been used."
Breaking out in laughter the customs officer said, "Go ahead Father. Next!"

Going To...But First...
I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.

This is how it goes...

I decide to do work on the car, I start to the garage and notice the mail on the table. OK, I'm going to work on the car... BUT FIRST...

I'm going to go through the mail. Lay car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just
put the bills on my desk.... BUT FIRST...

I'll take the trash out, but since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills.... Yes. Now, where is the checkbook? Oops..there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty plastic cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks... BUT FIRST...

I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I head for the kitchen, look out the window, notice the flowers need a drink of water, I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away... BUT FIRST...

I need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! someone left the TV remote in the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants... BUT FIRST...

I need to find those checks.

END OF DAY: Oil in car not changed, bills still unpaid, cup still in the sink, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys,... And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because... I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious... I'd get help... BUT FIRST...

I think I'll check my e-mail.

Fringe Savings....

So what do you think, did the fans save "Fringe"?  Apparently there was enough passion to keep it going in spite of ratings.  Why did the network move the show to Friday night, which is historically the worst night for network TV?  It must have thought that it could do no worse in that spot.  Surprisingly, it did better because of the passion the dedicated viewers have for the show.

Only in Ohio: A woman lost her cool and choked the greeter! I have to admit that I've only been in a Walmart once or twice, but the greeter was annoying both times.  After seeing websites loaded with the people in Walmart, I don't think I would go in anymore, and this REALLY cancels any plans to be a greeter while retired!

Children's Books That Didn't Make It...
1. You Are Different and That's Bad
2. The Boy Who Died From Eating All His Vegetables
3. Dad's New Wife Robert
4. Fun Four-Letter Words to Know and Share
5. Hammers, Screwdrivers and Scissors: An I-Can-Do-It Book
6. The Kids' Guide to Hitchhiking
7. Kathy Was So Bad Her Mom Stopped Loving Her
8. Curious George and the High-Voltage Fence
9. All Cats Go to Hell
10. The Little Sissy Who Snitched
11. Some Kittens Can Fly.
12. That's It; I'm Putting You Up for Adoption
13. Grandpa Gets a Casket
14. The Magic World Inside the Abandoned Refrigerator
15. Garfield Gets Feline Leukemia
16. The Pop-Up Book of Human Anatomy
17. Strangers Have the Best Candy
18. Whining, Kicking and Crying to Get Your Way
19. You Were an Accident
20. Things Rich Kids Have, But You Never Will
21. Pop Goes The Hamster & Other Microwave Games
22. The Man in the Moon Is Actually Satan
23. Your Nightmares Are Real
24. Where Would You Like to Be Buried?
25. Eggs, Toilet Paper, and Your School
26. Why Can't Mr. Fork and Ms. Electrical Outlet Be Friends?
27. Places Where Mommy and Daddy Hide Neat Things
28. Daddy Drinks Because You Cry

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records dictated by physicians. They appeared in a column written by Richard Lederer, Ph.D., for the Journal of Court Reporting.

*By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

*Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

*The patient states there is a burning pain in his penis which goes to his feet.

*On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

*She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

*The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in1983.

*I will be happy to go into her GI system; she seems ready and anxious.*Patient was released to outpatient department without dressing. I have suggested that he loosen his pants before standing, and then, when he stands with the help of his wife, they should fall to the floor.

*The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

*Discharge status: Alive but without permission. The patient will need disposition, and therefore we will get Dr. Blank to dispose of him.

*Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

*The patient refused an autopsy.

*The patient has no past history of suicides.

*The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

*Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

*Patient was becoming more demented with urinary frequency.

*The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

*She slipped on the ice and apparently her legs went in separate directions in early December.

*The patient experienced sudden onset of severe shortness of breath with a picture of acute pulmonary edema at home while having sex which gradually deteriorated in the emergency room.

*The patient left the hospital feeling much better except for her original complaints.

QR Tags or Bust...

Are you getting left behind? Did you grab onto the latest paradigm? Do you feel discriminated against?  If you haven't jumped on the bandwagon to fatten ATT&T's [or your favorite cell carrier's] purses by acquiring [no matter how] a smart [mebbie not] phone and paying the exorbitant data rates, then you would not necessarily know what this is or care:

This mobile tag or QR tag [Quick Response] is showing up in magazines on clothing tags, automotive brochures, etc.  What it does for you is automatically get you to their website so that you can see more of their products.  What it does for them is give them your mobile phone number and any other information that they can glom off of your phone.  How it works is that the consumer [you] load an app on to your smart phone that works with the camera to allow you to snap a picture of the QR tag.  It translates the two-dimensional barcode [what it really is] into a web address and sends YOUR information to the website.  Just to let you know that they got it, they put their website on your phone browser.  Once again, not only are you exposing your information to them, but also your contact directory, AND FOR FREE!  Now they don't have to pay Google or Facebook or Twitter....  to get much of the same information.  What a deal FOR THEM!!!

A guy is out around town when his cell phone rings, and the caller ID says "Home".
He is confused, being a bachelor, as to who is in his home calling him.
He answers, and it is his pet cat on the other line.
The cat says, "Can you hear meow?" 

Lexiphiles, (lovers of words you know: you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish or I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me; etc.) 

To write with a broken pencil is pointless. 

When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate. 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles , U.C.L.A. 

The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. 

The batteries were given out free of charge. 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 

A will is a dead giveaway. 

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. 

You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. 

Local Area Network in Australia : The LAN down under. 

A boiled egg is hard to beat. 

When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall. 

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 

Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. 

If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. 

A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. 

In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes. 

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. 

He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 

Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye. 

Acupuncture: a jab well done. 

The Recession has hit everybody.....
I got a pre-declined credit card in the mail. 

CEO's are now playing miniature golf. 

Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen. 

A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced. 

I saw a Mormon polygamist with only one wife. 

If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them. 

McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer. 

Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America. 

Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names. 

My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they repossessed her! 

A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico. 

A picture is now only worth 200 words. 

When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room. 

The Treasure Island Casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates. 

Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.

Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear! 

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

What is it about Santa Barbara County and the price of gas?  The problems in Libya have caused the prices at the pump to skyrocket.  Considering that Libya accounts for about one percent of the oil using in this country, why should prices soar?  I would bet that speculators are making a mint.  While Europe depends much more heavily on Libya's oil, I still cannot fathom the effect here.  Worse than that, it appears that Santa Barbara County will never live down the 1969 oil spill and how much it cost Union Oil.  We live in a very small pocket of the most expensive gas in the state with the most expensive gas.  Refineries must make a special variety of gasoline for California [highly oxygenated...], but Santa Barbara appears destined for higher prices here to continue ad infinitum. This with numerous [actually twenty] oil platforms in our immediate vicinity that pay dearly to produce gobs of oil in our county.

Anyone interested in Quantum Jumping? Sometimes I'd just like to jump into a place where I won the Lottery or there is no more greed in the world causing people's suffering or a place where cancer or the common cold doesn't exist...  What in the world are these people talking about?  Are there REALLY more than three or four [if you consider time as the fourth] dimensions?  Is the TV show Fringe more real than we give it credit for ?

More on the Social Bubble...When will the next dot com bubble burst around these overvalued companies that REALLY don't have a product?  Won't smartie-pants Zuckerberg be sorry that he didn't go public and pull out as much money as he can before the dam breaks....?

It is one thing to FIND alien planets that might support LAWKI [life as we know it], but yet another ***THING*** to get there.  With today's space program as bad and under-financed as possible, what we REALLY need is a new kind of propulsion and some sentient robots to take care of us while in suspended animation on board.  These planets we are discovering are not close, but they are relatively close.  We can [at least] get there in our lifetime...

If AT&T-Mobile becomes reality, you'll know that there are some politicians that are bought and paid for.  There is NO-WY that this is a good move for consumers.  AT&T doesn't do anything UNLESS it is to make more money!

Just watched the Black Swan and now I know why Natalie Portman won Best Actress.  The movie was extremely well made and well cast as well. Parts will give you chills.

"According to a new survey, 76 percent of men said what they look
for most in a woman is a sense of humor and a good personality.
This was a survey published in 'Full Of Crap Magazine.'"
- Conan O'Brien

An old cowboy dressed to kill with ... cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink.

As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.

After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy.

After a short while he asked her what she was.

"I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy, but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women, when I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women," told the young woman.

A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink.

A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

"I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian."

Don't Need No Stinkin' Comments...

Are comments on blogs important ? Check this entry out....  or here is a link to How-to... Or this... Or this.... And for those that are concerned about the ethics of blog commenting....  So let me say that making a blog entry is an INVITATION to have a conversation.  If I don't get any comments, I will tend to lose interest and stop blogging.  My opinions and ranting is important to me, so I need comments to CONTINUE the conversation.  There are some thirty plus people READING my blog, three that follow it enough to sign up and who know how many more, but yet I get no comments.  So you think I am off-my-rocker or right-on with my comments or you just don't have time for that kind of activity.  Please blow me some crap or tell me that you totally agree with my interpretation of the news or something....please.   
Tell me how you love and trust Facebook, can't wait to vote for Sarah Palin, love the paradigm shifts of technology and just can't wait for the Singularity to get here, or you are too busy to care!

I remember when I was a kid, my family would drive up the coast from Sherman Oaks to Pismo to dig clams and then make fresh chowder on the tailgate of the station wagon, right on the beach.  That area of the county allows driving on the beach.  On a trip up to Oregon and Washington, I remember digging for geoduck clams.  That name is really pronounced "gooeyduck".  As the water recedes, the geoducks shoot water up to six foot high from small holes in the sand.  One person digs around the hole, and another person grabs his neck before he pulls it back into the shell. It only takes a couple of these suckers to make a good meal!

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.

The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.

The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see, yes, go on', and "I understand. How did you feel about that?" The new priest says those things.

The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?" 

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots?

He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were.

It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on, this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream,"Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to.

Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them."

She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..."

Her trial starts next month.