Piedras Blancas

We visited the Piedras Blancas Elephant Seal Rookery in San Simeon this weekend.  It was awesome.  It is pretty bizarre that they would only pick that particular place on the coast to rook.  Given that you pick the correct time in their mating and molting calendar, it is a very worthwhile place to visit.


We also visited Hearst Castle.  I had been there twice before, but only to see the grand rooms.  This time we explored the upper floors, bedrooms, bathrooms and library.  It was amazing.  I can't believe that I still haven't seen the whole building.  It just goes on and on.

The CSIRO has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element is Governmentium (Gv). It has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lefton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons or protons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction normally taking less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years. It does not decay but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places.
In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons. All of the money is consumed in the exchange, and no other byproducts are produced.

Every time a new Pope is elected there are a lot of rituals in accordance with tradition. Well, there is one tradition that very few people know about.

Shortly after the new Pope is enthroned, the Chief Rabbi seeks an audience. He is shown into the Pope's presence, whereupon he presents the Pope with a silver tray bearing a velvet cushion. On top of the cushion is an ancient, shriveled parchment envelope. The Pope symbolically stretches out his arm in a gesture of rejection.

The Chief Rabbi then retires, taking the envelope with him and does not return until the next Pope is elected. John Paul II was intrigued by this ritual, that's origins were unknown to him. He instructed the best scholars of the Vatican to research it, but they came up with nothing. When the time came and the Chief Rabbi was shown into his presence, he faithfully enacted the ritual rejection but, as the Chief Rabbi turned to leave, he called him back.

"My brother," the Pope whispered, "I must confess that we Catholics are ignorant of the meaning of this ritual enacted for centuries between us and you, the representative of the Jewish people. I have to ask you, what is it all about?"

The Chief Rabbi shrugs and replies: "But we have no more idea than you do. The origin of the ceremony is lost in the traditions of ancient history." The Pope said: "Let us retire to my private chambers and enjoy a glass of wine together, then with your agreement, we shall open the envelope and discover the secret at last." The Chief Rabbi agreed.

Fortified in their resolve by the wine, they gingerly pried open the curling parchment envelope and with trembling fingers, the Chief Rabbi reached inside and extracted a folded sheet of similarly ancient paper.

As the Pope peered over his shoulder, he slowly opened it. They both gasped with shock - It was the check for the Last Supper. 

Obnubilated

I sit here on Friday wondering if I have made out "ahead" in my 401K, as the market has been see sawing for weeks now.  I can imagine that hose that are still eking out profits must be betting on both sides of the movement and they spend more time than I do to figure how and when.  I wonder how much the super-fast computer trading schemes have to do with it.  I guess I'm pretty happy if I come out ahead, at all...


I'm looking forward to the weekend and a bit of away time that it will provide.  We are going out of town for Saturday and Sunday, without access to computers AND hopefully cell phones turned off.  It is welcome.  The summer time is sneaking up on us before we can experience springtime...

I'm so confused:

I can't figure out why the Secret Service can't get serviced secretly.... 

I can't figure out why my plastic water bottle has a warning on the label that the cap is a choking hazard, particularly for children.  Isn't that true for ALL small objects?  What is special about the cap?  Have parents become dumber over the years or can't they recognize danger for their children?  Is the REAL reason that the warning is there on the label is to protect the manufacturer from lawsuits that claim that there was no warning of danger?


That must be why my dry cleaning is wrapped in plastic with a similar warning message on it.


Why aren't stupid parents allowed to be the reason for kids getting hurt?

Why are there still places in the United States that don't have indoor plumbing? Or telephone service? Or Internet ? 

Jacob, age 92, and Reba, age 91, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about Viagra?"
Pharmacist: "Of course."
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Reba speaks up and says to the pharmacist: "We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please."

How To Talk Southern
Ah
The thing you see with, and the personal pronoun used denoting individuality. "Ah think Ah've got somethin' in mah ah."

Ast
To interrogate or inquire, as when a revenue agent seeks information about illegal moonshine stills. "Don't ast me so many question. I makes me mad."

Attair
Contradiction used to indicate the specific item desire. "Pass me attair gravy, please"

Awl
An amber fluid used to lubricate engines. "Ah like attair car, but it sure does take a lot of awl."

Bawl
What water does at 212 degrees Fahrenheit. "That gal cain't even bawl water without burnin' it."

Bleeve
Expression of intent or faith. "Ah bleeve we ought to go to church this Sunday."

Cent
Plural of cent. "You paid five dollars for that necktie? Ah wouldn't give fiddy cent for it."

Co-cola
The soft drink that started in Atlanta and conquered the world. "Ah hear they even sell Co-cola in Russia."

Cyst
To render aid. "Can Ah cyst you with those packages, ma'am."

Dayum
A cuss word Rhett Butler used in "Gone With the Wind." "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a dayum."

Everwhichways
To be scattered in all directions. "You should have been there when the train hit attair chicken truck. Them chickens flew everwhichways.

Far
A state of combustion that produces heat and light. "Ah reckon it's about time to put out the far and call in the dawgs."

Flares
The colorful, sweet-smelling part of a plant. "If yo wife's mad at ya, it's smart to take her some flares."

Good ole boy
Any Southern male between age 16 and 60 who has an amiable disposition and is fond of boon companions, strong drink, hound dawgs, fishin', huntin', and good lookin' women, but not necessarily in that order. "Bubba's a good ole boy."

Griyuts
What no Southern breakfast would be without - grits. "Ah like griyuts with butter and sawt on'em, but Ah purely love'em with red-eye gravy."

Hale
Where General Sherman is going for what he did to Etlanna. (Atlanta) "General Sherman said "War is Hale" and he made sure it was."

Hep
To aid or benefit. "Ah can't hep it if Ah'm still in love with you."

Idinit
Term employed by genteel Southerners to avoid saying Ain't. "Mighty hot today, idinit?"

Jew
Did you. "Jew want to buy attair comic book, son, or just stand there and read it here?"

Kumpny
Guests. "Be home on time. We's havin' kumpny for supper."

Law
Police, or as Southerners pronounce it, PO-leece. "We better get outta here. That bartender's doen called the law."

Likker
Whiskey; either the amber kind bought in stores or the homemade white kind that federal authorities frown upon. "Does he drink? Listen, he spills more likker than most people drink.'

Mash
To press, as in the case of an elevator button. "Want me to mash yo floor for you, Ma'am?"

Muchablige

Thank you. "Muchablige for the lift, mister."

Nawthun
Anything that is not Southern. "He is a classic product of the superior Nawthun educational system." (sarcasm)

Ovair
In that direction. 'Where's yo paw, son?" He's ovair, suh."

Phraisin
Very cold. "Shut that door. It's phraisin in here."

Plum
Completely. "Ah'm plum wore out."

Retch
To grasp for. "The right feilder retch over into the stands and caught the ball."

Saar
The opposite of sweet. "These pickles Sure are saar."

Shovelay
A GM car. "Nobody could drive a Shovelay like Junior Johnson."

Sinner
Exact middle of. "Have you been to the new shoppin' sinner."

Sugar
A kiss. "Come here and give me some sugar."

Tarred
Fatigued. "Ah'm too tarred to go bowlin' nonight."

Tar Arns
A tool employed in changing wheels. "You cain't change a tar without a tar arn."

Uhmurkin
Someone who lives int he United States of Uhmurka. "Thomas Jefferson was a great Uhmurkin."

War
Metal strands attached to posts to enclose domestic animals. "Be careful and don't get stuck on that bob war."

Whup
To beat or to strike. "OOOEEE!!! Yer mama's gonna whup you fer sayin' a cuss word."

Yankee shot
A Southern child's navel. "Momma, what's this on mah belly?" "That's yo Yankee Shot."

Zat
Is that. "Zat yo dawg?" 

Southern Horoscopes
It has become pretty obvious to us Southerners that our present astrological signs have served their purpose and that we should get rid of them.
When I'm out driving around I'll see bulls, and once in a great while I suppose I'll even see a ram. Up the street from me there's some twins, but I don't see them much. The rest of these things are just too obscure.
You only see crabs on vacation. There are no lions or scorpions, not many archers and no water bearers. Virgins? The neighborhood's not crawling with them either. SO, what we need here is some relevance. We need things we can recognize up there in the night sky.

OKRA Dec 22 - Jan 20 Although you appear crude, you are actually very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies.

CHITLIN Jan 21 - Feb 19 Chitlins often come from humble backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.

BOLL WEEVIL Feb 20 - Mar 20 You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about it. 

MOON PIE Mar 21 - Apr 20 You're the type that spends a lot of time on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. "Big" and "round" are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about aerobics. Maybe not.

POSSUM Apr 21 - May 21 When confronted with life's difficulties, possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a "don't - bother - me - about - it" attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day, however, it won't work, and you may find your problems actually running you over.

CRAWFISH May 22 - June 21 Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend not to be particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.  

COLLARDS June 22- July 23 Collards have a genius for communication. They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the essences of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.

CATFISH July 24 - Aug 23 Catfish are traditionalists in matters of the heart, with one exception: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. You catfish are never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.

GRITS Aug 24 - Sept 23 Your highest aim is to be with others like yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel, though, so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they have all these things, that serves you well. 

BOILED PEANUTS Sept 24 - Oct 23 You have a passionate desire to help your fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best - your friends and loved ones - may find that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.

BUTTER BEAN Oct 24 - Nov 22 Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to anybody. However, you, too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.

ARMADILLO Nov 23 - Dec 21 You have a tendency to develop a tough exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire, some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry another Armadillo, but Possum is another, somewhat kinky, mating possibility.   

NFC is coming- Do we have a choice?

As more and more people are opting for smart phones, getting rid of their land lines, and we all move in the direction of a cashless society, we will almost all be forced into a new paradigm of NFC or near field communication to make everyday charges or debits by "NFC-enabled smart" phone.  The NFC unit from the retailer picks up your charge number and then your PIN to cinch the deal, all from your smart phone.  An example that we will be hearing a lot about very soon is Google Wallet.  Interestingly enough, Apple hasn't committed yet on NFC and may come up with their own technology to accomplish the same task on an iPhone.
The advantages are obvious, since we wouldn't have to carry a card.  The security for stolen smart phones is pretty good, depending on the PIN.  The disadvantages (depending on your point of view, of course) can be many.  When the debit/credit number is offered via the smart phone, certainly the phone number (and therefore the location) will go to the seller as well.  This affords the opportunity to keep track of the type of purchases and in what stores you shop.  Short term ads will begin to appear on your phone.  Even more annoying, is that the store you purchase in will be trying to draw you to other departments by offering ads on items that will expire in very short periods of time ("Come to lingerie sales in the next five minutes to get 35% off on your purchase over $50....").  
Stores, such as Kohl's, already have dynamic price tags that can be changed at their whim via a WiFi network within the store.  Sales will be hourly, instead of by the day or week.
Also, there is a form of broadcast communication that can be used,(as is currently by Walmart  and a few other retailers) which doesn't require your cell phone number and can hit all the phones in a small proximity to send them "come along ads".
On top of that, the purchase history will be used long term to send you "directed" ads.  
I hope we will be given the means to opt-out of this pandemonium and bombardment of ads...

Aren't we all wondering what to expect from Apple in the way of innovation since their driving force (Jobs) is gone?  Will the public continue to blindly buy Apple products if they are just so-so me-toos? I believe that Apple will spend some of its huge fortune "buying" innovation (i.e. other companies) to continue its trend.  It would be very hard to believe, however, that they won't turn into the IBM or HP of the future.  If the Asian labor costs grow beyond acceptable portions of manufacturing costs and cause the retail prices to be too high, what will Apple do?  The best that we can hope for is that they bring manufacturing back to American soil, even if it is totally automated.  The worst, it that they discover another untapped, cheap labor force someplace else  in the world.

Difference between lateral and logical thinking:

Many years ago in a small Indian village, a farmer had the misfortune of owing a large sum of money to a village moneylender.

The moneylender, who was old and ugly, fancied the farmer's beautiful daughter. So he proposed a bargain.

He said he would forgo the farmer's debt if he could marry his daughter. Both the farmer and his daughter were horrified by the proposal. So the cunning money-lender suggested that they let providence decide the matter. He told them that he would put a black pebble and a white pebble into an empty money bag.

Then the girl would have to pick one pebble from the bag.

1) If she picked the black pebble, she would become his wife and her father's debt would be forgiven.

2) If she picked the white pebble she need not marry him and her father's debt would still be forgiven.

3) But if she refused to pick a pebble, her father would be thrown into jail.

They were standing on a pebble strewn path in the farmer's field. As they talked, the moneylender bent over to pick up two pebbles. As he picked them up, the sharp-eyed girl noticed that he had picked up two black pebbles and put them into the bag. He then asked the girl to pick a pebble from the bag.

Now, imagine that you were standing in the field.

What would you have done if you were the girl?

If you had to advise her, what would you have told her?

Careful analysis would produce three possibilities:

1. The girl should refuse to take a pebble.

2. The girl should show that there were two black pebbles in the bag and expose the money-lender as a cheat.

3. The girl should pick a black pebble and sacrifice herself in order to save her father from his debt and imprisonment.

Take a moment to ponder over the story. The above story is used with the hope that it will make us appreciate the difference between lateral and logical thinking. The girl's dilemma cannot be solved with traditional logical thinking. Think of the consequences if she chooses the above logical answers.

What would you recommend to the Girl to do? 
...
Well, here is what she did ....

The girl put her hand into the moneybag and drew out a pebble. Without looking at it, she fumbled and let it fall onto the pebble-strewn path where it immediately became lost among all the other pebbles.

"Oh, how clumsy of me," she said. "But never mind, if you look into the bag for the one that is left, you will be able to tell which pebble I picked."

Since the remaining pebble is black, it must be assumed that she had picked the white one. And since the money-lender dared not admit his dishonesty, the girl changed what seemed an impossible situation into an extremely advantageous one. 

Just Like a Dog

Two old guys were sitting on a park bench one morning playing checkers when a dog came by and laid down next to them and started to lick himself.
The one old man said to the other. “I wish I could do that!”
The other old man replied. “I don’t think you want to do that. That dog might bite you!”

If there is H2O on the inside of a fire hydrant,

what is on the outside?

K9P

Follow the lemming in front of you...

It is hard to believe that my daughter will be returning from her semester abroad in less than a month.  The time has gone by very fast, and so far, uneventfully.


We watched (I slept through most of it) Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy over the weekend.  This movie barely deserves a casual mention.  It was extremely difficult to follow and just plain boring.  Did I miss something (while I slept)? Why did this abomination get any acclaim?

My cell phone and my wife's are on their last legs.  We are no longer on any contract.  It will be interesting to evaluate (once again) what is out there, relative to cell service providers, phones, and bargains.  Since we are very privacy conscious, we would like full featured phones without them being so call "smart".  We may have to bite the bullet, though, as the available selection is really very poor.  It may be worthwhile, though, to wait for the iPhone5, as I have nothing to lose or gain by getting another phone before then.  If our phones give up the ghost sooner rather than later, we'll have to make a rash and expensive decision, I'm sure. It may be "the only way down is plummeting over the cliff with the other lemmings....", though.

Kemosabe

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery.
A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
Dijon vu: the same mustard as before.
Practice safe eating: always use condiments.
I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the ax.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
A man needs a mistress just to break the monogamy.
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome.
Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
Banning the bra was a big flop.
Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumor.
Without geometry, life is pointless.
When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.
Condoms should be used on every conceivable occasion.
Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.

American Way of Robbery
True Stories of Some of the Dumbest Crooks on Earth:

Kentucky (where else?): Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of
their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
(Editor's Note 1: And they wonder why we call them "Yahoos" ...)

South Carolina: A man walked into a local police station, dropped a bag of cocaine on the counter, informed the desk sergeant that it was substandard cut, and asked that the person who sold it to him be arrested immediately.

Indiana: A man walked up to a cashier at a grocery store and demanded all the money in the register. When the cashier handed him the loot, he fled--leaving his wallet on the counter.

England: A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, shows up at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realizes that the tourist does not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asks the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he does--backward! A substantial amount of narcotics was found in the golf bag.

Germany: Oil of Olay no longer turning the trick for her, a woman decided that she would bathe in the milk of a camel (a modern-day Cleopatra). So she stole a camel from the local zoo (where *else* can you find a camel when you need one?) and transported it back to her house--where she realized that the camel's name was "Otto."

Arizona: A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.

Texas: A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.

(Location Unknown): A man went into a drug store, pulled a gun, announced a robbery, and pulled a Hefty-bag face mask over his head--and realized that he'd forgotten to cut eye holes in the mask.

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole--are you ready for this?--the bank's video camera. While it was recording. Remotely. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn't get the videotape of himself stealing the camera.)

(Location Unknown): A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was,(2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...

Virginia: Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy. Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.

(Location Unknown): A man walked into a Circle-K (a convenience store similar to a 7-11), put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.

When you're feeling down & out, remember this... In 1976 on this day, Ronald Wayne sold his 10% stake in Apple for $800, that 10% stake is now worth $58 billion !!

 

HOW TO WRITE GOOD by Frank L. Visco
My several years in the word game have learnt me several rules:

1... Avoid alliteration. Always.

2... Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

3... Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat.)

4... Employ the vernacular.

5... Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

6... Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

7... It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.

8... Contractions aren't necessary

9... Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

10.. One should never generalize.

11.. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said:    "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know."

12.. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

13.. Don't be redundant; don't use more words than necessary;  it's highly superfluous.

14.. Profanity sucks.

15.. Be more or less specific.

16.. Understatement is always best.

17.. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

18.. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

19.. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

20.. The passive voice is to be avoided.

21.. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

22.. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed.

23.. Who needs rhetorical questions?

UNNERVING Experience

Now that Zimmerman has been arrested, I believe we will see the whole Neighborhood Watch paradigm on trial.  After all, "watch" means watch- not enforce... and certainly not watch while being armed...  This will be a long drawn out trial, which will serve to anger all the Police wannabes out there that are doing their watch and "protecting" their neighborhood.

Today is Friday the 13th and I'm sitting at work and listening to countless thunder claps from a heavy rain storm.  I'm playing a waiting game, expecting the power to go out at any time.  The storm is supposed to be gone over the weekend, but reflecting on the weather for the last year- strange and untimely.  Those melting icebergs in the arctic are certainly having a major effect on the seawater temperatures and therefore the weather that we are experiencing.

It was an UNNERVING experience.  When attempting to buy a reliable American made appliance you will find out that they are mostly junk.  All the salesman will direct you to Asian made brands because they are made better and will outperform and outlast the sorry American junk.  How did we get into this predicament?  How do we get out of it? I have always striven to buy the best product that I could afford, no matter who made it.  Now, it would be stupid to buy an American made appliance just to support our industry.  What REALLY needs to happen is that we need to clean up our act and make the best of everything- again!

Signs you are a true redneck....

-Your house moves but your six cars don't.

-You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree.

-You can entertain yourself for more than 15 minutes with a fly swatter.

-Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

-You burn your yard rather than mow it.

-You think "The Nutcracker" is something you do off the high dive.

-The Salvation Army declines your furniture.

-You offer to give someone the shirt off your back and they don't want it.

-You have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

-You come back from the dump with more than you took.

- You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

- Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

- Your grandmother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

-You keep flea and tick soap in the shower.

-You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

- You go to the stock car races and don't need a program

I came across a word I didn't know- "Portmanteau".  This is a combination of two or more words.  Here are some samples....

affluenza, from affluence and influenza
anacronym, from anachronism and acronym
anecdata, from anecdote and data
Amerind peoples, from American and indigenous peoples
automobilia, from automobile and memorabilia
avionics, from aviation and electronics
backronym, from backwards and acronym
banjitar, a combination musical instrument of a banjo and a guitar
bankster, from banker and gangster
beurgeois, from beur and bourgeois
blaccent, from black and accent – used of non-blacks who try to sound black
blaxploitation, from black and exploitation
bleen, from blue and green (coined by Nelson Goodman to illustrate Goodman's paradox)
bodacious, from bold and audacious was made popular during the 80's.
Bootylicious, from booty and delicious – a title of a Destiny's Child song
breathalyzer, from breath and analyzer
bromance, from brother and romance
brostache, from brother and mustache – an app created by GEICO for a commercial
brunch, from breakfast and lunch
camcorder, from camera and recorder
carjack, from car and hijack
celesbian, from celebrity and lesbian
chuggers, from charity and muggers
Chunnel, from Channel and tunnel.
chavtastic, from chav and fantastic (meaning, 'having many characteristics of a chav', rather than a 'fantastic chav')
Chinglish, English and Chinese mixed up to humorous effect (cf. Spanglish, Franglais)
chortle, from chuckle and snort (coined by Lewis Carroll)
clopen, from closed and open
cocacolonization, from Coca-Cola and colonization
cremains, from cremate and remains
cryptex, from cryptology and codex
cyberdelic, from cybernetics and psychedelic
cyberpunk, from cybernetics and punk
cyborg, from cybernetic and organism
Diamat, from Dialectical Materialism
digerati, from digital and literati
digipeater, from digital and repeater
ebonics, from ebony and phonics
ecoteur, from ecological and saboteur
edutainment, from education and entertainment
faction, from fact and fiction
fantabulous, from fantastic and fabulous
foon, from fork and spoon (see spork, below)
flavorite, from flavor and favorite
Franglais, French and English mixed up to humorous effect (cf. Chinglish, Spanglish)
frankenfood, from Frankenstein and food
frankenword, from Frankenstein and word
fratire, from fraternity and satire
frenemy, from friend and enemy
gaydar, from gay and radar
gerrymander, from Elbridge Gerry and salamander
ginormous, from gigantic and enormous
greenwash, from green and whitewash
grue, from green and blue (see bleen, above)
guesstimate, from guess and estimate
guitarlin, combination musical instrument of a guitar and mandolin
hasbian, from has been and lesbian
irregardless, from irrespective and regardless
jazzercise, from jazz and exercise
jeggings, from jeans and leggings
kidult, from kid and adult
linner, from lunch and dinner
lupper, from lunch and supper
mathlete, from math and athlete
meld, from melt and weld
mechatronics, from mechanical and electronics
mizzle, form mist and drizzle
mobeload, from mobile and upload
mobisode, from mobile (phone) and episode
mockney, from mock and Cockney
mockumentary, from mock and documentary
moobs, from man and boobs
moped, from motor and pedal
motel, from motor and hotel
murse, from man and purse
napalm, from naphthene and palmitate
newscast, from news and broadcast
nuyorican, from New York and Puerto Rican
Oxbridge, from Oxford and Cambridge
paratrooper, from parachute and trooper
Pastafarian, from pasta and Rastafarian; from Pastafarianism or The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.
pizzone (food), from pizza and calzone (popularized by Pizza Hut)
Plarn, from plastic bags and yarn
Plytanium, brand of plywood from titanium and plywood
posistor, from positive and thermistor
prosumer, from either producer or professional and consumer
radome, from radar and dome
redox, from reduction and oxidation
rockumentary, from rock and documentary (also mockumentary, from mock and documentary)
serpantalón, (french) from serpent and pantalón
sexercise, from sex and exercise
sexpert, from sex and expert (refers mainly to people who give advice about sex and sexual matters)
sexploitation, from sex and exploitation
sexting, from sex and texting
shart, from shit and fart
simulcasting, from simultaneous and broadcasting
skort, from skirt and short (as in short pants)
skyjack, from sky and hijack
smog, from smoke and fog
snark, from snide and remark
snatiation. from sneeze and satiation
soundscape, from sound and landscape
Spanglish, Spanish and English mixed up to humorous effect (cf. Chinglish, Franglais)
spork, from spoon and fork
squiggle, from squirm and wiggle
stagflation, from stagnation and inflation
swapportunity, an opportunity to swap from swap and opportunity
swaption, from swap and option
tangelo, from tangerine and pomelo
televangelist, from television and evangelist
terrist, from Terra and terrorist
thermistor, from thermal and resistor
tofurkey, from tofu and turkey
toonie, from two and loonie
transponder, from transmitter and responder
turducken, from turkey, duck, and chicken
urinalysis, from urine and analysis
wigger, from white and nigger
woon, from wooden and spoon (flat wooden things for eating dished ice cream)
yestergay, from yesterday and gay