Arbitrage Up Close

I was speaking to a coworker today and brought up something his daughter came up with on her own.  She had been going to a thrift store and buying name brand jeans for practically nothing, for her own use.  She noticed that there were many pair there that wouldn't fit her.  She also looked on eBay and noticed a large number of sellers for new or used name brand jeans.  She figured that she could undersell them and still make a hefty profit. What quickly came to pass was the idea of arbitrage. She would buy many pairs for cheap at the thrift store and sell them on eBay.   That is pretty impressive for a teenager.

Using the same principles, we could all be making serious extra monies without much effort.  It is a very interesting scheme to move materials from one market to another and thereby make extreme profits. 

Well, the more I read about Mitt's choice for VP running mate, the more I believe that he may have made a serious mistake.  We shall see... 

Friday I couldn't wait to leave work.  I was exhausted.  I drove the Vette directly towards home.  About two and half blocks from home, the engine began cutting out and the car was bucking.  The engine stalled and I proceeded to the curb. I tried to get it started again, but to no avail.  My guess is that the fuel pump went belly up.  I called for a tow and sat there for 45 minutes waiting.  The flatbed came and took both of us home.  The Vette is back in the garage awaiting my attention.

Yesterday, we visited my daughter's new house rental in Eagle Rock.  When we arrived, it was 94 degrees!  That didn't make cleaning any easier.  At any rate, we cleaned the room and moved a desk, chair and rug into the room.  Next weekend, the rest of her stuff will be taken down.  Coming back, the temperature that showed on the dashboard rose to 100, and then dropped to 74 as we approached Goleta.  Those temps would be hard to take on a daily basis.

Last night, we caught a showing of Total Recall (we had passes).  This is another version of the a movies based on the same story that Schwarzenegger's movie was based.  There were similarities, but for the most part, they were very different.  I liked it, but I'm glad we didn't pay to see it....

How to mess up a job interview
We've all been interviewed for jobs. And, we've all spent most of those interviews thinking about what not to do. Don't bite your nails. Don't fidget. Don't interrupt. Don't belch. If we did any of the don'ts, we knew we'd disqualify ourselves instantly. But some job applicants go light years beyond this. We surveyed top personnel executives of 100 major American corporations and asked for stories of unusual behavior by job applicants. The low-lights:

- "...stretched out on the floor to fill out the job application."

- "She wore a Walkman and said she could listen to me and the music at the same time."

- "A balding candidate abruptly excused himself. Returned to office a few minutes later, wearing a hairpiece."

- "...asked to see interviewer's resume to see if the personnel executive was qualified to judge the candidate."

- "... announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a hamburger and french fries in the interviewer's office - wiping the ketchup on her sleeve."

- "Stated that, if he were hired, he would demonstrate his loyalty by having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm."

- "Interrupted to phone his therapist for advice on answering specific interview questions."

- "When I asked him about his hobbies, he stood up and started tap dancing around my office."

- "At the end of the interview, while I stood there dumbstruck, went through my purse, took out a brush, brushed his hair, and left."

- "...pulled out a Polaroid camera and snapped a flash picture of me. Said he collected photos of everyone who interviewed him."

 - "Said he wasn't interested because the position paid too much."

- "While I was on a long-distance phone call, the applicant took out a copy of Penthouse, and looked through the photos only, stopping longest at the centerfold."

- "During the interview, an alarm clock went off from the candidate's brief case. He took it out, shut it off, apologized and said he had to leave for another interview."

- "A telephone call came in for the job applicant. It was from his wife. His side of the conversation went like this: 'Which company? When do I start? What's the salary?' I said, 'I assume you're not interested in conducting the interview any further.' He promptly responded, 'I am as long as you'll pay me more.' I didn't hire him, but later found out there was no other job offer. It was a scam to get a higher offer."

- "His attache [case] opened when he picked it up and the contents spilled, revealing ladies' undergarments and assorted makeup and perfume."

- "Candidate said he really didn't want to get a job, but the unemployment office needed proof that he was looking for one."

- "...asked who the lovely babe was, pointing to the picture on my desk. When I said it was my wife, he asked if she was home now and wanted my phone number. I called security."

- "Pointing to a black case he carried into my office, he said that if he was not hired, the bomb would go off. Disbelieving, I began to state why he would never be hired and that I was going to call the police. He then reached down to the case, flipped a switch, and ran. No one was injured, but I did need to get a new desk." 

With all the new technology regarding fertility, an 88-year-old woman was able to give birth to a baby recently.

When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, various relatives came to visit. "May we see the new baby?" one of them asked.

"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."

Another half hour passed before another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"

"No, not yet," said the mother.

A while later and again the guests asked, "May we see the baby now?"

"No, not yet," replied the mother.

Growing impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"

"When it cries!" she told them.

"When it cries?" they gasped. "Why do we have to wait until it cries?"

"Because, I forgot where I put it."

Who did it help ?

What is my take on the selection of Paul Ryan for Republican VP candidacy?  At this point, even after reading all the reaction opinions on the web and in the papers, I have an open mind.  I don't know enough about him to dislike or like him.  They ARE digging up some interesting stuff, though. One thing I do know, though, is that I don't feel any connection to Uncle Mitt or the Republican party.  If Ryan's choice helps that (yet to be seen), then it was a good one.  Otherwise, I don't think it will matter.  Uncle Mitt has a tarnished image on many sides.  He has a lot of work to do in a short time to "shine" his image up.  The first thing that he can do is to become more transparent.  He can tell us about Bain, and outsourcing, his tax returns and his offshore accounts.  Obama may not totally be transparent, but I still have confidence in his honesty and I trust him.  That is more than I can say for almost nay of the Republicans...It is up in the air whether Romney did himself a favor or not, by picking Ryan.

"I earn a seven figure salary. Unfortunately, there's a decimal point involved."

"The long term implications of drugs/procedures must be fully considered: "Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer's Disease research, it is believed that by the year 2030 there will be a large number of people wandering around with huge breasts and erections who can't remember what to do with them"...

Here's some more new drugs that may soon be on the market..
St. Mom's Wort ... Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers unconscious for up to six hours.

Empty Nestrogen ... Highly effective suppository that eliminates melancholy by enhancing the memory of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait til they moved out.

Peptobimbo ... Liquid silicone for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and improves flirting.

Dumerol ... When taken with Peptobimbo, can cause dangerously low I.Q. causing enjoyment of country western music and WWF wrestling

Flipitor .. Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

Antiboyotics ... When administered to teenage girls is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.

Menicillin ... Potent antibiotic for older women. Increases resistance to such lines as, "You make me want to be a better person ... can we get naked now?"

Buyagra ... Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping. Increases potency and duration of spending spree.

Extra Strength Buy-one-all ... When combined with Buyagra, can cause an indiscriminant buying frenzy so severe the victim may even come home with a Donnie Osmond CD or a book by Dr. Laura.

Jack Asspirin ... Relieves the headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary or phone number.

Anti-talksident ... A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers.

Sexcedrin ... Bedroom aerosol spray for men. More effective than Excedrin in treating the, "Not now, dear, I have a headache," syndrome.

Ragamet ... When administered to a husband, provides the same irritation as ragging on him all weekend, saving the wife the time and trouble of doing it herself.

Men-Gay ... A rub-in ointment that enables single women to identify who to cross off the dating pool.

NBC sports commentators said what?

Here are the top nine comments made by NBC sports commentators so far during the Summer Olympics that they would like to take back:

1. Weightlifting commentator: This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.

2. Dressage commentator: This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.

3. Gymnast: I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.

4. Boxing Analyst: Sure there have been injuries and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.

5. Softball announcer: If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.

6. Basketball analyst: He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.

8. Soccer commentator: Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.

9. Tennis commentator: One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said? 

Walking Across Water
A rabbi, a priest and a pastor were all in a boat together fishing. The pastor said to the others, "I think I am going to go over to that shore and sit down." So, he gets out of the boat, walks across the water and sits down on the shore.

Then, the priest says to the rabbi, "I think I going to go over there to join him." So, he does the same as the pastor and sits next to him on the shore.

The rabbi thinks to himself, "Well, if they can do it, so can I!" So, he climbs out of the boat, but he falls in the water.

The pastor says to the priest, "Do you think we should of told him where the rocks were?"

Last of the Olympics...

It has been a harrowing week, not only for me, but at the Olympics.  Is it my imagination or is our main competition China now, instead of Russia ?  We either have the largest group of athletes entered and therefore have more chances to win, or we are training better.  We have a tremendous amount of medalists this year.  I am very happy, so far, that the Olympics has not been a venue for terrorists.  I wonder about the security issues that they are not publicizing...

My exhaustion has generated many daydreams about possible vacations.  Currently we are gearing up to get my daughter back to school for her final year. I hope that we can finally get some well earned rest once that happens.

Fortunately/unfortunately we are really busy at work. I quote a famous boss as saying that there isn't really a great time to be gone on vacation.  I see that the time between now and the end of the year as being even more busy than usual.  While the unemployment rate is still high, my company is hiring scads of new people.  It is retirement season, and most of them are replacements.  With this, of course, comes new ways to do things brought to us from other companies or campuses where the new hires came from.  Those of us that adjust will have the easiest time of it...

"Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the fuck happened!"

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?"

Mom smiled and then replied, "OH YES! I do remember." 

Excited About Marriage
Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in. Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:

'Are you the owner?' The pharmacist answers yes.
Says Jacob: 'We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course we do.'
Jacob: 'How about medicine for circulation?'Pharmacist: 'All kinds.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for rheumatism, scoliosis? '
Pharmacist: 'Definitely.'
Jacob: 'How about Viagra?'
Pharmacist: 'Of course.'
Jacob: 'Medicine for memory problems, arthritis, jaundice?'
Pharmacist: 'Yes, a large variety. The works.'
Jacob: 'What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?'
Pharmacist: 'Absolutely.'
Jacob: 'You sell wheelchairs and walkers?'
Pharmacist: 'All speeds and sizes.'
Jacob says to the pharmacist: 'We'd like to register here for our wedding gifts, please.'

Things You'll Never Hear In A Western Movie ....
"Guns? We don't need no stinking guns!"

"Hey, Buck, do these chaps make my ass look big?"

"Injuns! Quick, pull the wagons into an irregular dodecagon!"

"Let's see ... hardtack and pemmican ... that's three grams of
fat, seven grams of protein, and two starches."

"Gentlemen, rather than get caught up in mindless reaction, let's
draw upon our feminine selves for a more intuitive solution."

"Can we postpone this duel till 12:05?  I gotta use the little
boys' room."

"It's like I keep tellin' ya, Earl: men is from Tombstone, women
is from Dodge."

"HANG HIM HIGH, BOYS!!  ...Okay, now a little to the left...
Oooh! Stop right there. Perfect!"

"That's him! That's the yella-bellied varmint who shot my
therapist!"

"Y'know, Badlands Pete... a roaring campfire, good coffee, nice
prairie breeze, just you 'n' me ... what say we put on the
rhinestone gowns and dance a jig or two?"

"I reckon I'll have me a half-caf double latte with a twist. IN A
DIRTY MUG!"

You 'n' Slim round up them strays, and I'll tell Cookie to get
started on the gazpacho and the fondue."

"He was a strong man, a good marshal, and I reckon he had a keen
eye for interior decoration."

A three-year-old boy went with his dad to see a new litter of kittens.

On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens."

"How did you know that?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

A naked chicken sandwich, please!

So just answer one all important question for me: what does gay marriage have to do with my chicken sandwich? Why is it important for Chick-Fil-A to sell their sandwiches "religiously"?  In spite of the fact that they are opening a new restaurant where I live, I don't want my chicken sandwich to be involved with my religious or political beliefs, whatever those might be.  They can keep their extra baggage.  I'll get my chicken sandwich where it doesn't matter....  Isn't this whole ordeal very sad?  It beckons from the times with separate doors for blacks and being forced to ride in the back of the bus.  Why isn't our culture making any progress in acceptance ?

We scored free tickets to the Professional Bull Riders performance last night.  It was hard to believe that we had $80 seats because we had a lot of trouble seeing the action.  These bulls come out of the chute in a massive explosion of thrashing mad muscles and hooves.  They usually throw their riders in the first five yards or so, therefore the action is only located directly in front of the chute.  Squirming and bending, we could barely see over the plethora of cowboy hats in front of us.  Consequently, we left at halftime. As we walked out of the area, I could only think about that fact that we had better seats than most.  Those fans had only the gigantic monitor to catch the action- which they certainly could do at home on their TV.

I was visiting my daughter and son-in-law the other night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

'This is the 21st century, ' he said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers.
Here, you can borrow my iPod.'I can tell you, that bloody fly never knew what hit it.

Kids say the darndest things

I was eating breakfast with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her,

"What day is tomorrow?"; She said "It's President's Day!"

She is a smart kid. I asked "What does President's Day mean?"
I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc.

She replied, "President's Day is when President Obama steps out of the White House,
and if he sees his shadow, we have 4 more years of Bull Shit."

You know, It hurts when hot coffee spurts out your nose!

Pick and Choose Events

People have been complaining about NBC's coverage of the Olympics, and their prime-time "highlights" show.  They say that spoilers are ruining the show.  Let's get real.  There is no way to prevent spoilers from showing up in the news, whether internet or printed.  Twitter has prevented any delay possibilities.  Get over it.  The world has changed. You will know who wins each competition before you watch it!  NBC is doing a great job considering the amount of coverage that they have to whittle down to the prime-time show.  
My only complaint is that I have to watch many events that I'm not interested in because they don't elaborate on the starting time for each event during their show so that I can just tune in for what I want to see.

We finally went to see the Dark Knight Rises.  It was a great ending to the trilogy.  My comment about the first movie of the trilogy was that the movie was very good- AND you really couldn't tell that it was a Batman movie until about half of it was over.  The most recent one is similar in that regard.  The protagonist (Bruce Wayne) takes the center stage with inner conflicts that prevent his performance as Batman.  He learns to face those conflicts and defeat them much as he did in the first movie.  The special effects were great, especially the wheel-spinning Batcycle.  Catwoman (Anne Hathaway) fit the part very well, and her performance was enjoyable.  I liked it...  It was a fitting cap on the storyline.

Obituary:
Today we mourn the passing of an old friend, by the name of
"Common Sense" Common Sense lived a long life but died in the
United States from heart failure on the brink of the new
millennium. No one really knows how old he was, since his birth
records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.

He selflessly devoted his life to service in schools, hospitals,
homes, factories helping folks get jobs done without fanfare and
foolishness. For decades, petty rules, silly laws, and frivolous
lawsuits held no power over Common Sense. He was credited with
cultivating such valued lessons as to know when to come in out of
the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, and that life isn't
always fair.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't
spend more than you! earn), reliable parenting strategies (the
adults are in charge, not the kids), and it's okay to come in
second. A veteran of the Industrial Revolution, the Great
Depression, and the Technological Revolution, Common Sense
survived cultural and educational trends including body piercing,
whole language, and "new math." But his health declined when he
became infected with the "If-it-only-helps-one-person-

it's-worth-it" virus.

In recent decades his waning strength proved no match for the
ravages of well intentioned but overbearing regulations. He
watched in pain as good people became ruled by self-seeking
lawyers. His health rapidly deteriorated when schools endlessly
implemented zero-tolerance policies. Reports of a six-year-old
boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, a
teen suspended for taking a swig of mouthwash after lunch, and a
teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student only worsened
his condition.

It declined even further when schools had to get parental consent
to administer aspirin to a student but could not inform the
parent when a female student was pregnant or wanted an abortion.

Finally, Common Sense lost his will to live as the Ten
Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses,
criminals received better treatment than victims, and federal
judges stuck their noses in everything from the Boy Scouts to
professional sports. Finally, when a woman, too stupid to realize
that a steaming cup of coffee was hot, was awarded a huge
settlement, Common Sense threw in the towel.

As the end neared, Common Sense drifted in and out of logic but
was kept informed of developments regarding questionable
regulations such as those for low flow toilets, rocking chairs,
and stepladders.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and
Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and
his son, Reason. He is survived by two stepbrothers: My Rights,
and Ima Whiner. Not many attended his funeral because so few
realized he was gone.

--Obituary author unknown.

The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"
Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"
The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch. The Sheriff asked, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head."
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'Fine For Dumping Garbage.' "

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.
He called her into his office and said, "Y'all graduated from the University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?"
The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, "Everthang but my earrings."

Buying a Car...

Do you buy a car that appeals to you, or one that is practical and fulfills your needs?  If you are lucky, you can do both.

When buying a new car, I am usually concerned about the location of the dealer in order to service the warranty. We looked at a particular brand, drove them and were about to buy, when the salesman said that the franchise was being transferred next door in favor of a more upscale brand opportunity.  That delayed our purchase, thankfully.

The dealer next door failed to qualify for the franchise and now the closest dealer is forty miles away. Consequently, we are looking elsewhere.  This means giving up the desire for a car that we already picked.

Due to the need and desire to have their cars get better mileage but not sacrifice power, car designers are lowering their cars' stance as well as increasing the rake of the windshields to lower the wind resistance.  Unfortunately, that has played havoc with ergonomics and safety in a few models.  My wife sat in one recently, which drove nicely, but the visor completely obscured the windshield and therefore visibility when flipped down.  That car was quickly rejected.

The models that remain, that are supported by local dealers, have definitely helped to pare down the possible choices for a replacement vehicle.  Another unfortunate reality is that while we would service the vehicle locally, the local dealers refuse to put together a reasonable purchase deal.  We are currently working on that deal with a dealer fifty miles away.

They dismiss our nonacceptance of their pricing because they claim to be a low-volume dealer. I pointed out that high-volume dealers didn't just happen; they have to sell a lot of cars for that moniker.  It also means that they have to be ready to accept less per car, to move them along.

Buying a car and dealing with most salesmen is right up there with dealing with banks...

"Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone."

Not another blonde joke

A man got on the bus with both of his front trouser pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.

The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

Finally, after many glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls."

The blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked,

"Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow ?"

New Rule: Stop giving me that pop-up ad for Classmates.com! There's a reason you don't talk to people for 25 years. Because you don't particularly like them! Besides, I already know what the captain of the football team is doing these days: mowing my lawn.

New Rule: If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you're gay. If you're a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you're a grown man, they're pictures of men.

New Rule: Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here's how much men care about your eyebrows: do you have two of them? Okay, we're done.

New Rule: There's no such thing as flavored water. There's a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavored water is called a soft drink. You want flavored water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That's your flavored water.

New Rule: Stop messing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that's square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis.

New Rule: The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a "decaf grande half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n'-Low and one NutraSweet," ooh, you're a huge asshole.

New Rule: I'm not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing "Enter," verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don't want cash back, and pressing "Enter" again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Almond Joy. Paper? plastic? I don't have time for that. I've just been called to do a cleanup on Aisle Nine!

New Rule: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn't make you spiritual. It's right above the crack of your ass. And it translates to "beef with broccoli." The last time you did anything spiritual, you were praying to God you weren't pregnant. You're not spiritual. You're just high.

Humor and Perspective...

Some people may not like my humor, or what I think may be funny.  They might even say that frequently I am sophomoric.  Humor is valuable, as in "Laughter is the best medicine...".  If you can laugh at the world as well as yourself, then you are definitely healthier that those that wander about with a black cloud over their head.  I am not depressed or even unhappy.  I try to make each day count, and to laugh at the stressful situations that occur.  At any rate, if you like what I think may be funny, then read on... otherwise you need to  find another blog.

I am not an advocate of gun control.  I do believe that making them more difficult to obtain will only mean that the bad guys will have guns, but the good ones won't.  Why is it so easy to buy guns on the internet, without even checking on who is buy them?  Maybe the ammunition should be way more expensive.   It would seem as though those guns bought on the Internet should be registered somewhere, if nothing more but to keep track of how many are going to whom.  Kennedy was assassinated with a mail-order gun.  The  Aurora massacre was  carried out with guns purchased off the internet.  Much certainly has occurred between those two events, and yet we haven't done anything to restrict that kind of access to guns.

Last night I tackled fixing my Corvette.  I had previously  had problems getting into second and third gears.  I thought that my transmission was failing.  Usually that would be one gear or another, but not two. Over the weekend, I had crawled under the car to inspect the shifting linkage.  I was suspecting a problem because it is so unusual to have second and third failing since first and third, and second and fourth are associated together via the linkage.  I discovered a roll-pin sticking out from its home by about 75%, and it was canted and jammed back.  This caused the shifter to not be able to enter second or third gears.  Great, I thought.  I'll just remove the old one and replace it- all should be fixed.


The replacement pin that I had also moved back and forth in the hole- it was too small.  I proceeded to visit three different parts stores to buy a larger diameter, but couldn't unless it was basically gigantic.  My only path to success was to open the roll-pin a bit and make it a larger diameter.  These pins are spring steel and are very difficult to do anything with.  They are utilized in high stressful areas in the design to provide shear strength.


I used various tools and a big hammer to accomplish the enlargement.  Now if I could only get it into the hole.  This required the use of a needle-nosed pliers, from the inside of the car.  I removed a metal plate around the shifter to expose the hole at the bottom of the shifter.  If I cant my head just right, I could see the hole.  At least 39 times, I grabbed the pin with the pliers and attempted to get the pin into the hole, only to drop it to the ground below.  Then get out of the car, get a broom and retrieve the pin from the garage floor.  Then back into the car, get the pliers and try again.  On the 40th try, it started to go in- a tight fit (as planned by enlarging the diameter).  Quickly, I used a pry bar to force it into its home.  A big sigh of relief.

Now, how will I keep the pin from coming out again.  The design of the pin and its use is to stay put by the compression of the pin.  I didn't trust it, so I inserted a very large Cotter pin through the roll pin, and bent over the emerging ends.  That should keep it in place, I thought.  Only time will tell.

This morning the car shifted like a champ.  It almost seemed "happy" to be out of the garage.  I'm very happy that it was not something much more serious and expensive.  I am content.  Persistence and basic mechanical engineering has paid off again.

Things to Remember
We cannot see the future. We cannot change the past. We can only live in the now with an eye towards gaining enough power in the future to wreak revenge on everyone who ever screwed us in the
past.

Dreaming frees the soul, energizes the spirit and allows you to do things that would get your ass thrown in jail if you really tried them.

Love means never having to say, "Does that twenty include the spanking?"

To truly love another, you must first love yourself. And it wouldn't kill you to wash your hands in between either.

A little bit of love goes a long way in our lives. It can provide us with higher highs and lower lows. But, if it comes with a persistent burning sensation, see your physician.


When it becomes a crime to love, you should probably consider dating outside the family.


If Life hands you lemons today, smile and give thanks. Then when Life isn't looking, give him a quick knee to the groin. That'll learn him.


They say a smile is a gift which is free to the giver and precious to the recipient. But giving the finger is free, too, and I find it more personal and sincere.

North vs South
The North has coffee houses,
The South has Waffle Houses

The North has dating services,
The South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives,
The South has Lee Press-on Nails

The North has double last names,
The South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races,
The South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat,
The South has grits.

The North has green salads,
The South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters,
The South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt,
The South has the Bible Belt.

To cross street, push button!

What's up with crosswalk buttons?  Press them over and over again... do they actually do anything ??  Are the local gubmints sacrificing our good time to wait for a crossing signal just in the name of traffic flow ?  How many of these crosswalk buttons are actually connected or make any difference at all ?  This appears really unfair to the walkers.  How may change of the lights will they have to wait to cross?  Won't they get tired of waiting and jay-walk?  This could be really dangerous.

Officials (or various local gubmints) admit that many crosswalk buttons are more useful than others.  Which actually means that most of them are not useful at all!  Walkers (which they encourage) obviously take the back seat to traffic flow... so what else is new?

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost $5,000. Because if a bullet cost $5,000, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders. That'd be it. Every time someone gets shot, people will be like, ''Darn, he must have did something. Shoot, they put $20,000 worth of bullets in his butt.''

People would think before they killed somebody, if a bullet cost $5,000.

''Man, l would blow your freaking head off, if l could afford it. l'm gonna get me another job, l'm gonna start saving some money, and you're a dead man! You better hope l can't get no bullets on layaway.''

So even if you get shot by a stray bullet, you won't have to go to no doctor to get it taken out. Whoever shot you would take their bullet back. ''l believe you got my property.''

The Story of Rindercella.

Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.

And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"

When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!

The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!

So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper! 

Walking more and enjoying it less...

Three people juggling three jobs and an internship and two usable cars has made life confusing lately.  My Vette's shifter linkage is messed up and it isn't easy to find someone to work on a fifty-one year old car, not to mention getting it there in first and fourth, since I can't get into second or third.  My wife is looking a various replacement cars, as my daughter is taking the family Honda Pilot back to school with her, but the choices are very confusing.

She started out wanting a small SUV type of vehicle such as the Honda CRV, but they are very high priced.  We looked at the Ford Edge, but it's ergonomics for the driver leaves much to be desired AND the prices are even higher.  Next we looked at the Hyundai Santa Fe (the Tucson is too small) and all they had on the lot were the fully loaded top of the line.  Ins spite of that, the prices were very good, especially on the 46 MPG Elantra.  All was good until the other day when my wife parked next to a Toyota Venza.  She was very excited about the car until she saw the amazing price.  
There are many places in the country where you can buy a house for the prices of these cars.  Woe is us.

I guess I'll be walking to work again tomorrow...does anybody know a good classic Vette mechanic?



"Mitt Romney was attacking Obama about our failing education system. He has a point. We are graduating millions of people in this country who are so lacking in basic analytical skills, they are considering voting for Mitt Romney." –Bill Maher

Did you know “listen” and “silent” use the same letters?

Do you also know that the words “race car” spelled backwards still spells “race car”?

And that “eat” is the only word that if you take the first letter and move it to the last, it spells its past tense “ate”?

And have you noticed that if you rearrange the letters in “illegal immigrants” and add just a few more letters, it spells:
“Go home, you free-loading, benefit-grabbing, resource-sucking, baby-making, non-English-speaking dumb ass, and take those other hairy-faced, sandal-wearing, bomb-making, camel-riding, goat-shagging, raggedy-ass bastards with you.”

How weird is that? English really is a strange language, isn't it!

ALERTS TO THREATS IN 2012
( By John Cleese, British writer, actor and tall person):

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.

The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.

Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."

The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.

~ John Cleese - British writer, actor and tall person

A final thought -" Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting
aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC."

Simple Truths

SIMPLE TRUTH 1
Partners help each other undress before sex.

However after sex, they always dress on their own.

Moral of the story: In life, no one helps you once you're screwed.

SIMPLE TRUTH 2
When a lady is pregnant, all her friends touch the stomach and saying "congrats".

But, none of them come and touch the man's penis and say "Good job".

Moral of the story: "Hard work is never appreciated.


FIVE RULES TO REMEMBER IN LIFE
1. Money can not buy happiness, but its more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy, but remember the ass-holes name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble, they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Many people are alive only because its illegal to shoot them.
5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then neither does milk.

THERE YOU HAVE IT...and remember, life is good.  

The Thunderstorm
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep with Daddy."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice, "The big sissy."

Birthday Bash

Busy, Busy, Busy...

The bash last weekend was an unqualified success.  With everyone in the family chipping in to get the work done, the challenges became smaller and smaller as the date approached.  My wife desired to have a last celebration - big celebration- of her birthday.  The plan is to make the rest of them low-key.  First we upgraded and completed the re-landscaping of the back yard.  This required much re-planting and even having two overgrown palms removed.  We all worked tirelessly to make this happen (actually, we all worked while exhausted to make this happen).  We also upgraded the lighting and strung white Christmas lights all over the backyard to make the mood.  We hung Japanese lanterns with battery operated lights.  We also placed candles strategically in the landscaping to create mood shadows.

We investigated what the rental costs for heater, tables, chairs, place settings, linens and glassware.  We decided to buy glassware, heater and place settings, as the rental price was high.  We put together an invitation list, created a custom invitation, had it printed, and then sent it out.  We purchased cases of desirable wine and traveled to the wineries to pick them up.  We put together a menu and investigated caterers.  We decided on entertainment and contacted them for availability and prices.

After all was said and done (supposedly), it was the day before the party.  My daughter had the daunting task to bake seventy cupcakes of various flavors. The party rental delivery arrived and everything was counted and then "installed" into the patio.  I had already assembled the heater that I bought, but it hadn't been tried out.  I lit it for the first time and it was a success.  It was strategically placed between the tables to augment the already installed permanent heater.  The furniture from the family room and living room was re-arranged or moved to the garage to make room for the faux casino.  Two blackjack tables and a craps table were delivered and assembled- ready to go for the next day.

On the day of the party, all of the last minute preparations were made.  The tables were set.  The white wine and beer were iced. The caterer delivered the hors d'oeuvres and set them up appropriately. The music was setup and turned on.  The guests were to arrive very soon.

As the "party-time" quickly approached, the strolling-magician also arrived and began mingling with the guests while performing sleight of hand and various coin tricks.  He also changed one dollar bills into hundred dollar bills.  Unfortunately, he changed them back before returning the guests' money.

The patio quickly filled to relative capacity, as 33 of the 35 invited guests had arrived.  Spirits were flowing freely with the labelled wineglasses and at the guests' assigned seats as well as a faux "living room" setting on the lawn made up of couch and chairs and coffee table and roaring Chiminea.  My wife, the one wearing a birthday tiara, was aglow.  She was really enjoying the company of the A-list (her choice) crowd.

Dinner was served.  A bountiful buffet was created on the island of our kitchen.  Guests flowed in and out of our house to retrieve their dinner repast.  The caterers fluttered about seeing to every detail.  We even hired another to keep the beer and wine stocked, the wine bottles open, and the glasses full.  There was nothing for the family members to do, but enjoy.  The food and atmosphere was stupendous. Dessert cupcakes were made available.

When people were just about done with their dinner, the magician began his show.  He performed flawlessly and comically, calling on helpers form the audience whenever needed.  He made some fantastic illusions passing a quarter into and out of a Perrier bottle.  Another illusion showed a coin entering a filled can of Coke, the can being emptied onto the lawn, crushed, then being "magically" filled and the pop-top showing as unopened.  He had my wife choose a card and then write her name and birthday on it, and then produce an unopened bottle of white wine with her card inside. He produced a bowling ball from a handmade drawing and then juggled it, a lit torch and a machete while balancing on a balance board and roller.  The show was icing on the cake, so far, for a very successful and enjoyable party.
  

At that point, it was time to partake in the indoor activities in the faux casino.  Most of the guests, about twenty-five, decided to play.  Each player was outfitted with $400 of faux money that could be traded for playing chips.  At the end of the night, the chips would be traded for tickets to place into a drawing for five prizes.

This was definitely expensive and a lot of work.  It only shows how far one's family will go to give you what you want for the birthday!

When you reach the end of your rope, tie a knot in it and hang on. - Thomas Jefferson

A lesson on irony...

The Food Stamp Program, administered by the U.S. Department of Agriculture, is proud to be distributing the greatest amount of free meals and food stamps ever.

Meanwhile, the National Park Service, administered by the U.S. Department of the Interior, asks us to "Please Do Not Feed the Animals."

Their stated reason for the policy is because the animals will grow dependent on handouts and will not learn to take care of themselves.

This ends today's lesson.